OFF BRAND
Of all the surprises in the bewildering opening skirmishes of this topsy-turvy first-bit-of-the-season – and there have certainly been a few – this one tops the lot. Apparently Chelsea’s first-team squad is unhappy with their manager, who they believe is, to quote our news story, “scapegoating certain players” as a result of the Blues’ poor start to the season. It was, The Fiver supposes, only a matter of time. After five and a half years over two spells as manager, in which he has expertly fallen out with “criminal” rival players, “voyeur” rival managers, “boring” rival fans, “frustrating” Chelsea fans, “ridiculous” referees, match assessors who “don’t see the games” because “they stay eating and drinking”, “naive” doctors, “stupid” journalists, “parasite” TV pundits and “disgraceful” television stations, warned ball boys that “somebody might punch them”, told Rafa Benítez’s wife that she should “take care of her husband’s diet” and even had the occasional dig at the FA, Chelsea’s players have finally worked out that Mourinho likes to blame other people for stuff.
