Consider the popular idea that you need to love yourself first, before you can find love from others. It was set out in the German psychologist Erich Fromm’s book The Art of Loving in 1956 and has been popularised in recent years by drag queen RuPaul’s catchphrase “if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?”
But is it actually true? If we think of self-love in an extreme sense, as raging egocentricity, then the answer is a resounding “no”. Philosophers who reject self-love do so for this reason. Iris Murdoch is a case in point. She warned her readers that the proper direction of attention should always be outwards. Love others, not yourself.
