Every Monday evening a group of men sit in a circle around a fire where they laugh, cry and share experiences and feelings they may have never previously shared with anyone in the world. The only rules are confidentiality, honesty and that the space is strictly for men only.
One of the group’s founders, Boris Drappier who was involved in other men’s circles previously, believes that without the presence of women, men are able to express themselves more authentically without the fear of being “judged”.
Boris said: “There is no competition, there is no one to impress, no one to receive approval or rejection from. That’s a feeling I have and I’ve heard in other men’s circles and why they are so powerful.”
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The Easton men’s circle is an example of a growing movement that began in the 1980s in the United States that offered self-help groups for men with a philosophy in part based on Jungian psychology. The movement spread across the world as a result of the ManKind project, although the Easton men’s circle has no official affiliation, it draws upon a similar ethos.
Matthew Strange co-founded the group, after participating in member-based community organisations for ten years. After six months of attending the circle, he was able to share details of his life he had never shared before.
For Matthew, his involvement in what he calls “men’s work” began three years ago after he was diagnosed with HIV. Matthew said: “When I was diagnosed my cell count was actually so low, in the old days it would have probably been called Aids, that’s how low my immune system was.
“The diagnosis in itself wasn’t really the issue, it was the tip of the iceberg. When I had a little look beneath the surface and what was buried underneath, it pointed in every direction towards men’s issues.
“My father left the home situation and my mother had four children. The earliest memory I have is my brother being ridiculed at the age of two for wetting the bed.
“I’ve had anger issues for a lot of my life. Big boys don’t cry, that’s a big thing that needs challenging, that you can’t integrate the feminine.
“You could be camp, have a high-pitched voice or not like any of the normal things that men like, it doesn’t make you any less of a man.”
The group is member-led so tends to explore the issues raised by members of the group. They participate in what is called shadow work through the use of archetypes which are primordial images most commonly associated with the work of psychologist Carl Jung.
Shadow work is about revealing aspects of yourself which were previously hidden and archetypes, according to Boris, are universal images that represent energies. “The moment you start talking about something that’s hidden, it’s not a shadow anymore,” explains Boris.
For Boris, the group has helped him to become a better listener and find new male role models, something he felt he was lacking in the past. Matthew believes that by being part of the men’s circle he is less likely to repeat previous mistakes
In terms of the wider impact on society, Matthew said that such groups would be “revolutionary” if all men were to engage in these listening circles: “If all men attended the men’s circle and did the work there would be a lot less violence, children would have better lives, there would be less war and society might function a bit better.
“On mass it would be an incredibly revolutionary act for men to do that.”
