Dear Coleen
My husband and I married 17 years ago. We were only 21 at the time and our two-year-old son was a pageboy.
I’ll never forget how in love we were then and I had absolutely no doubts about our relationship, even when some members of my family tried to tell me we were doing everything too young.
Now though, at 38, I’m beginning to feel like I need more.
Our son has gone off to university so it’s just my husband and me in the house, and it’s weird.
We’re still a young couple, but that’s not how it feels. Instead it feels routine and boring.
We were each other’s first love and he’s the only one I’ve slept with, which I’ve been thinking about a lot.
To make things worse, I was ill this year and had to leave my job. I’m recovering well, but the whole thing has made me reassess my life and why I’m letting it just tick along.
There are so many things I’d love to do – go travelling, learn a language, find a new career and so on. I love my husband, but his lack of fun and adventure pulls me down. Please help.
Coleen says
You’re bored and frustrated in your marriage, but you’ve also had a challenging year in terms of your health and career.
There’s a lot going on and sometimes we feel overwhelmed to the point where we want to run away and blow our lives up. Be aware that wherever you are in the world, your fears and problems will still be there if you haven’t dealt with them.
You say your marriage is boring and your husband isn’t fun or adventurous, but you’re in this relationship together and it’s up to both of you to nurture it.
So, instead of blaming him for being dull, talk to him about how you feel and how you can work as a team to make things more interesting and fun for both of you. You can’t make a marriage better on your own; both of you have to commit.
My advice is, don’t make any big decisions until you’ve had some honest conversations with your husband. It sounds like you love him, but the relationship has lost its way. He also might want more from your marriage and, like you, feels stuck in a rut.
