I gave up believing depression had to be serious – there’s humour even in the darkest moments

‘Sometimes maintaining the expectation of how a depressed person should behave became my latest acting exercise.’ Expression – Heads by Sophie Cave. Photograph: Martin Thomas/Alamy

I knew two things from a very early age: I liked making people laugh, and I was destined to visit space.

My dreams of a moon walk were cruelly dashed when, at 10, I had a panic attack on a 40-minute flight to Inverness. Also I wasn’t 10, I was 26. Making people laugh was much more within reach – but at times, it felt like the depression that would periodically overwhelm me stood at odds with it.