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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Politics
Luke Turner

‘I felt as if my sperm had let me down’: one man’s IVF journey

Luke Turner sitting at a kitchen table with a vase of flowers
Luke Turner: ‘I had to silence the defiant anger that I, and many men, sink into when faced with feelings of inadequacy.’ Photograph: Kate Peters/Observer Magazine

Feet a blur, I pedalled my bike as fast as possible down the canal towpath, pot of semen in my rucksack, desperate to get to the hospital in time to conceive. Of all the bewildering, life-changing, traumatic experiences of the IVF process, this is the one I most remember now, the winter slipstream on my sweaty face, all the dreams of my partner and I contained in a plastic pot nestled next to laptop, book and bike lock.

We had been trying to have a child for a while, timing sex with apps and temperature readings, drinking little, taking supplements, but nothing had worked. The months ticked on. Admitting defeat, we went to the local doctor, who helpfully said that the universe told her we would conceive. Did she say that to everyone? Thankfully, the universe also told her to refer us to our local hospital for initial investigations into our fertility, and potential IVF treatment.

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