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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Lifestyle
Annalisa Barbieri

I expect friends to let me down so I play the victim. How can I stop?

An illustration from behind of a woman with black hair, wearing a red jumper, with her arms folded

I am a 38-year-old woman with three kids and a husband. I often find myself expecting people to disappoint me, and make appointments anticipating that they will back out at the last minute. I then start to play the role of the victim, the friend who has been let down, and this whole narrative begins in my head.

I may invite a friend to something, but then come up with all the reasons why the thing is stupid and they wouldn’t want to come. I downplay it, saying: “Oh, it’s nothing fun”, and “Don’t worry if you can’t come”, even though I know I would have a great time.

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