Few parents go as far as Richard Williams, who began shepherding his daughters Venus and Serena towards Wimbledon glory by writing an 85-page plan and coaching them on the public tennis courts of Compton, Los Angeles, every morning before they had even started school. For the rest of us, mums and dads can still play a crucial role in nurturing a love of sport and exercise in their children from a young age.
“Parents and guardians play an absolutely fundamental role in children’s introduction to sport, with their encouragement behind the child’s persistence and progression,” says Claire-Marie Roberts, psychologist and head of coach development at the Premier League. All kids benefit physically, emotionally and socially from staying active, so here’s how to get them moving.
Pre-schoolers
Start ASAP, but focus on fun
“Getting children into activities at the earliest opportunity establishes a pattern … you can’t start too early,” Roberts says. For infants, root it in fun by going to the park, pool or a soft play centre. Greg Rutherford, former Olympic long jumper and father of two, agrees: “Throwing and catching is great for developing hand-eye coordination, and we make up silly games, like getting out pots and pans and trying to throw a ball into them. It gives children a healthy association with fitness.”
Make sport a normal part of life
Roberts also recommends keeping kids active in daily life: “A buggy is the most expedient way of transporting a child from A to B, but if you make the time to walk or scoot, you will all reap the benefits.” When they get older, if they want to see their friends they’ll think nothing of cycling. It’s borne out in research published in the Sport Journal, which found that physical activity in early childhood is positively correlated with physical fitness in adolescence.
Focus on praise rather than improvement
“Praise is important,” Roberts says. Even now, England footballer and former captain Steph Houghton says she needs “that little bit of praise to feel appreciated for the commitment and intensity I give”.
It is also, Roberts says, about focusing on “them putting the energy in and their willingness to learn”. The former Olympic cyclist and father of two Chris Hoy agrees: “At my son’s first taekwondo competition he lost, but he was still incredibly proud that he’d tried. We tell him, ‘Don’t worry about other people; you weren’t the best that day, but you’re better than you were a week ago, and you’re having fun.’”
Primary school age
Try as many different sports as you can
Now is the time to expose children to as many activities as you can. It’s exactly what Hoy, Rutherford and Houghton all experienced. “My parents wanted me to try different things for different reasons,” Houghton says. “So taekwondo was about discipline and respect; football was about being competitive and working as a team.” Through exposure, children will find something they enjoy – and will stick with it.
Get involved yourself
Signing them up and dropping them off isn’t enough. If parents are actively involved it “sets positive behavioural examples, so exercising becomes the norm in that family”, Roberts says. This was the case in swimmer Rebecca Adlington’s family. “We were an active family – always out and about at weekends,” she says. “Having that lifestyle definitely had a big impact on me.”
When Rutherford was growing up, his dad “worked long hours as a builder, but he would always play football with me – it was our chance to connect”. Former British tennis No 1 Johanna Konta has fond memories of going for morning runs with her dad. “We’d run to the top of this golf course on a cliff edge in time for sunrise. That left a big impression.”
Roberts stresses that both parents get involved: “Unfortunately, in normative heterosexual family units, usually it’s the man who will role-model sport and exercise. It’s really important that both parents do this equally.”
Make it a treat, not a task
As adults, it’s easy to think we have to exercise, but flip the language and make a bike ride or 10 minutes of keepy-uppy a treat.“Sport was a reward,” Hoy says. “If my grades were good, I could go to the BMX track. If a kid doesn’t find sport fun, keep trying; just get out walking, or on a bike, or bounce on a trampoline – you never see anyone frowning on a trampoline.”
Roberts suggests integrating activity into daily life: “Don’t make it a ring-fenced task; it’s a treat, a means of getting somewhere, or a way to socialise.”
Find their passion, not yours
“Parents often use their children as outlets for dreams they didn’t achieve,” Roberts says. “But the child’s voice needs to be heard.” Rutherford agrees: “If my kids want to try athletics in the future, I’ll encourage them, but I’m not going to force them just because I liked it.” Adlington ended up breaking world records in a sport her parents weren’t interested in.
Hoy advises talking to your children about what they enjoy “and then funnelling them in that direction, because they’ll get more excitement from it”. He remembers “kids being dragged around the country to race, and quitting as soon as they were old enough to make their own decisions. The biggest reason I’m still riding my bike is that I never lost my love for it.”
Teenagers
Help them overcome disappointments
Sport often becomes more competitive for this age group, and one bad experience can put a child off. For Roberts, the idea is to identify the positives, focusing on effort and improvement.
For Hoy, the drive home used to turn things around. “If a competition hadn’t gone well, I would be quiet and grumpy, but Dad never forced the issue, he waited until I started talking and would say ‘Why do you think it happened?’ … I never felt really downbeat after a little chat with my dad.” Adlington’s parents took a similar approach: “I would get annoyed or go quiet, but my parents would give me space and talk it through with me when I was ready.”
Roberts says “encouraging children to reflect and explain that everybody experiences disappointments – including the most successful athletes”. Rutherford agrees: “I had a lot more bad days than good.”
Manage puberty
Research by the Women in Sport charity has found that 43% of girls who once considered themselves sporty disengage from sport at secondary school age. Changing bodies, hormonal breakouts and periods are still a major problem for girls.
Adlington remembers being self-conscious as a teen: “I was a lot heavier than the other girls. I suffered from spots too, so it wasn’t always easy.” She overcame this by focusing on what her body could do, rather than what it looked like: “Swimming gave me confidence because I was good at it.”
Konta recommends normalising discomfort and even feeling “grossed out by yourself – everybody goes through that – but it’s important to explain that it’s not permanent”.
When it comes to periods, Roberts recommends talking about it. Konta says she used to wear black shorts when she was on her period but in her mid-20s she changed her mentality: “I thought, if I bleed through when I’m wearing white, so be it.”
For boys, a common issue is different rates of development. Hoy remembers playing rugby aged 14 against a kid “who was 6ft 2in with a moustache, so physically I was getting hammered.” The experience taught him a lesson: “Everyone develops at different rates. You can feel like you’re going backwards, but it levels out by the time everyone hits 18 or 19.”
Let them be teenagers
Being a teen is tough, so cut them some slack. “By not letting them go to parties because of training, we do them a disservice,” Roberts says. Houghton agrees: “It’s important to have normal teenage experiences.” But, she says, “if you really want to do something properly, you have to make sacrifices. My parents saw that I needed a spell where I was growing up and learning who I was but if there was training Sunday morning, there was no way my dad was letting me out Saturday night! If I’d tried to make those decisions without them, I probably wouldn’t have been as successful as I have been. It’s about having balance.”
Let them quit if they want to
“At this age, their increasing autonomy is really important,” Roberts says, so accept if your child wants to stop a certain sport. At 14, Hoy told his dad he wasn’t enjoying BMX any more: “He said it was fine. I told him I fancied trying mountain biking, so we hired bikes together. He could have pushed me and that could have been enough for me to never ride a bike again.”
Houghton was also allowed to drop a sport: “I didn’t have the same drive for taekwondo, so I told my mum and dad I wanted to focus on football. I’d given it everything I could, and they respected that.”
