On Sunday, the Radio 5 Live presenter Helen Skelton announced she was hosting her last show for the time being, in order to step back from work to spend more time with her children. That phrase, with its ring of politicians getting in front of a scandal, is rarely used publicly with any sincerity and it was arresting to see it in this context. “I’m not all right about it,” said Skelton, prompted by her co-host Steve Crossman’s lachrymose farewell. “But you know, needs must.” With apparent reluctance, she said, “an eight-year-old will be happy about it”.
The striking thing about these remarks was Skelton’s willingness to admit to ambivalence. Parenting norms change, as do models of family and work, but the one consistency, seemingly arcing across the generations, is the need to persuade oneself that one’s choices around parenting aren’t merely reasonable but superior to whatever the alternatives may be. This mindset is particularly appealing to women, on whom the majority of caregiving responsibility still falls and on whose parenting choices judgment rests more heavily than it does for male partners. If you are going to be subject to criticism, internal or otherwise, you’d better be sure your position – to work or not work; to bottle or breastfeed; to co-sleep or kick them back to their own beds – is fully if not fanatically entrenched.
