One memory that has stayed with Janette Clark, 60, from her big family holiday last year is evenings spent in a hot tub looking up at the Cornish night sky. “It was absolutely beautiful,” she says. She adds that there was no light pollution. Everyone, from her children to her grandchildren, enjoyed the water.
Clark is a proponent of multigenerational holidays, where different generations of one family go away together. In a poll of 2,000 British adults, more than half of those surveyed (56%) said they regretted not spending more time with grandparents and 54% said they hoped to bring them on future holidays.
EasyJet’s holiday wing is now offering “grans go free” places on trips to Europe, after research found half of UK families had never holidayed abroad with their grandparents.
Clark says that these holidays can be illuminating. She went to Cornwall with her three children, their partners and her three grandchildren for her birthday and learned a lot about her relatives.
“We got to spend more time with my daughter’s girlfriend. When they met, they lived in Amsterdam, and we had never spent a whole week with her. It was so lovely,” Clark says.
“Being with her was revealing. We learned more about our children’s partners’ politics, the books they had read and their feelings about climate change and the world. We had lively discussions and also boring nights where we sat and chilled out with wine and the TV. We watched some great films. I never realised what a massive fan of Harry Potter my daughter’s partner was.”
Clark and her family rented out a big house with four bathrooms, one big lounge and a large dining room. “We could spread out as well … it was a treat as it was for my 60th birthday,” she says.
One downside, Clark says, however, is the cost. They had to travel in school holidays because of the children, which is much more expensive, so saving up for another big family trip will take time.
To keep harmony, Clark suggests ensuring each guest has their own bathroom. “We also ate together every day and then planned what we would do the following day during dinner. I recommend daily communal eating,” she says, adding that each couple cooked for everyone one night of the week.
Annalisa Barbieri, who offers relationship advice in her Guardian column, says her main advice on multigenerational holidays is “don’t go unless you’re sure”. She adds: “There’s also nothing like finding out about family when you go on holiday, because seeing someone over a 24-hour period is very illuminating.
“If you tend to be the responsible one, then the chances are you will end up organising everything as people look to you. If you are the only one who speaks a foreign language you will be the de facto translator (this happens to me). Ditto if you are the only driver or the one who doesn’t drink – you will end up doing the driving after meals out.”
Barbieri suggests thinking about what you want to achieve on holiday. “Are some of you late risers? If so, then maybe you need to split the groups so that some of you go out early. I am an early riser and it drives me nuts waiting for everyone to get ready and by the time we get out, everything is super busy.”
She adds that she “would always suggest a separate space if possible so you can retreat to your own space”. This includes staying in a hotel “so that someone else is ‘in charge’ – someone else decides when breakfast for example, ie the hotel does! Or adjoining villas or Airbnbs.” She says sharing one big space can lead to tensions. “One person inevitably does the cooking or cleaning if that hasn’t been decided. So set boundaries early.”
Perrin Debock, 52, from Paris, said her parents divorced when she was two. For almost a decade she has taken a big trip with either her mother and her partner, or her father and his wife. She says: “For me, my daughter, now 15 years old, and my husband, these holidays ‘en famille’ are special because we bond and share the everyday little surprises of travelling.”
Last Christmas they went to Egypt for 10 days with her mother’s side. Their next planned holiday will be to Mexico with the other side of the family. “My daughter is growing up. It is a precious time to share things and moments with her. I know my parents treasure those. Of course, after a week or 10 days, we are happy to each go back home and not hear about them for some time, but those shared transgenerational holidays are great moments to learn from each other. It is a lot of money and planning to please everyone, of course, but definitely worth it.
She adds: “The preparation before, and the pictures after, offer tons of opportunity to bond over things. I know my daughter will always remember those shared holidays. When my parents disappear, I will have no regrets of not sharing enough with them.”
