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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Lifestyle
Emma Beddington

From ‘mood hoovers’ to ‘energy vampires’ - here’s why negative friends are good for you

A tired dog resting on the floor with a green party hat strapped to its head.
‘Are you less the life and soul of the party than its accountant or undertaker?’ You’ll likely be labelled a ‘mood hoover’. Photograph: Cavan Images/Alamy

I’m hungry for wisdom from others on dealing with midlife challenges, such as existential reckonings, fading relevance, developing a neck like a Salvador Dalí clock and a newfound passion for A Place in the Sun (just me? I can’t get enough of retirees’ apartment-complex conundrums). Most recently, I discovered Jamie Oliver’s words on turning 50 in an interview with Good Housekeeping: “I think if you’re going to have a good go at the second half of your life, you have to edit away all the noise,” he said. “Just be with lovely people. I’m avoiding negative people – ‘mood hoovers’ – and getting better at saying no.”

My first thought was: isn’t there a tension between “avoiding negative people” and “getting better at saying no”? Doesn’t that mean he has to avoid himself? I know – it’s exactly the kind of thing a mood hoover would say, and that’s because I am one. Although in our community we actually prefer the expression “energy vampire”. Please avoid “wet blanket” or “fun sponge” too – all this comparing us to utilitarian household items is offensive; we have feelings (albeit mainly negative ones). I’ll accept “downbeat cashmere throw”, at a pinch.

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