Social media only portrays a snippet of someone's life and on first look at Darragh Milligan's Instagram, you'd think all was well, as he whips up tasty meals and recipes and enjoys time with his family.
But behind the Belfast Undercover Chef Instagram profile, is someone who has come through a battle with his mental health, and admits he will continue to battle every day of his life, but he is determined to do so for his beloved wife and two children.
Opening up for the first time about his struggles, Darragh says he is doing so in the hope that maybe someone else who finds themselves in the dark places that he has been in the past, will speak out and ask for help.
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The 41-year-old explained: "I don't know how long I’ve been suffering with this for but for me to get it off my chest, it helps me. I always try and do something productive every day and yes I’m on tablets as well to help me but I’m OK with that.
"It’s hard to comprehend when you’re told you have severe anxiety and depression, but you have to know that it’s not your fault, it’s a chemical imbalance in the brain. I still don’t know why I am depressed, I have no idea, but I have to deal with it."
Darragh admits that things began to unravel in his life and it was during lockdown that he found the strength and the courage to reach out and ask for help.
"I know Covid as well was probably a tipping point but I had depression before Covid and it was during that time that I asked for help. I was lucky in a way I worked through Covid because if I had been off work I’d have been a goner, it was dark, dark times.
"I've been seeing a counsellor for coming up to a year now, it's a charitable organisation and they have really put everything into perspective for me. I know people don't want to talk about things like this and I used to be like that, I was ashamed.
"I made excuses to not go to social events because I really dread them. I've discovered now that I don't need to say yes to things to please people, the only people I'm worried about pleasing are my family and close friends."
Watching his wife endure three miscarriages in three years is just one of the things Darragh knows has been hard to deal with, and feels there really isn't enough support for couples and families who endure the incredibly difficult process.
"Those three miscarriages happened three years in a row. I remember telling my mum on Christmas day that we were expecting and her face just lit up, everyone was so excited, and just a couple of days later it was gone.
"It’s a topic that no-one wants to talk about. When I think back to the miscarriages there is so little support, it’s like you get a leaflet and there you go, and that just festers and gets worse. And then if you’ve got children how do you explain that to them? There is just so little support for everyone.
"It was an incredibly hard time for us all, I know I really struggled so you can imagine what it was like for my wife going through them," he added.
With almost 22,000 followers on his Instagram page, Darragh says social media can be a dark place at times for many, but cooking and sharing his recipes has become his 'therapy'.
"The last couple of years have been tough, but coming out the other side I feel like I’ve found a purpose in life and one of the things I say on Instagram is cooking is my therapy, it just helps me cope with the tough days. For me it’s finding something that makes you happy.
"I know the videos I’m doing help me out, it’s my coping mechanism and that keeps me going. Just because someone’s life on Instagram looks like it’s perfect, generally most of the time I would say it’s not. Do I think I’m using Instagram for the right reasons? I think I’m doing it for my reasons, as in I’m doing it because it helps me out, but the minute it’s not helping me or it’s going to impact me, I’ll just get rid of it. It’s nice to feel valued.
"I do think other people use social media for the wrong reasons, it shouldn’t be used as a tool to make someone feel bad or feel inferior. I don’t get hung up on the negative stuff anymore, I just have learned to let it go and I know as long as I’ve been nice to someone if they have an issue, that’s their problem."
Darragh is hoping by speaking out others, particularly men who feel the same might reach out and ask for help.
"I now have a close-knit circle, my immediate family is amazing, my wife and I are very open now and we're open with our children, my son Ronan knew as soon as I got diagnosed with anxiety and depression, we told him because why shouldn't he know? He can tell now if I'm having a bad day and I try and hide them but my bad days are not as bad as they were a few years ago.
"Especially now, men don't speak enough about things like this and it has to change. People look at others and think they look alright but they're not, and I want to try and help them. So many people have subconsciously helped me out. It's such a subject that I'm now so passionate to speak about and people think 'oh if you're a real man you shouldn't show emotions', but now, if I want to cry in front of my mum and dad or my son, I'll do it, because there's nothing wrong with it."
Darragh continued: "Everyone wants to feel wanted, and when my wife turns to me and says she is so proud of me, I could cry. I’m doing all of this for them and for me, because life could have been a whole lot different before this, God knows where I would be today, I don’t even want to think about that.
"I feel lucky as well that I have that support network around me and I have tried to push them away in the past but now I’m so open and honest with them. But other people aren’t that lucky and I just want people to reach out and ask for help if they need to. "
Anyone who needs to talk to someone about mental health issues can call the Samaritans on 116123 or Lifeline on 0808 808 8000.
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