Q. My ex says he will be here to pick up our daughter for their time together, but he rarely shows. She waits, he doesn't show up, and she cries herself to sleep. The problem is, sometimes he does come, so I don’t know what to tell her. I would like to go back to court and change the custody order, so she doesn't have to go through this, but I'm afraid. He threatens to take her away if I do anything. What is good ex-etiquette?
A. I cannot stress the negative impact not showing up to planned visitation has on a child. A child doesn't realize that mom or dad is the problem. They blame themselves. "If I were a better child, smarter, prettier, whatever, they would love me and show up."
A child sees the no-show behavior as a choice. Mom or dad chooses to not see them. The child’s takeaway is that people, particularly those who tell them they love them, can’t be trusted. This makes it difficult for children to form secure attachments in adulthood.
