Thanks for reading this Clockwatch. A reminder that Newcastle and Aston Villa have just kicked off at St James’ Park. Barry Glendenning has it covered.
Everton 0-1 Fulham. “The opening day of what is scheduled to be the final full season of Goodison Park’s existence turned into a sick joke for its regular inhabitants.” Andy Hunter reports from Goodison Park.
Sheffield United 0-1 Crystal Palace. “This contest was decided by a throwback of a Odsonne Édouard strike.” Jamie Jackson reports from Bramall Lane.
Brighton 4-1 Luton. “While Roberto De Zerbi’s side fully deserved their victory … this was at no point an easy ride for the hosts.” Ed Aarons reports from the Amex.
Bournemouth 1-1 West Ham. “David Moyes looked miffed with a draw at full-time … Andoni Iraola, in a black turtleneck jumper, high-fived his players as they headed down the tunnel.” Ben Fisher reports from Dean Court the Vitality Stadium.
Time was, papers wouldn’t print the tables until the season was a good few matches in. But those days are long gone.
| Pos | Team | P | GD | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Brighton | 1 | 3 | 3 |
| 2 | Man City | 1 | 3 | 3 |
| 3 | Arsenal | 1 | 1 | 3 |
| 4 | Crystal Palace | 1 | 1 | 3 |
| 5 | Fulham | 1 | 1 | 3 |
| 6 | AFC Bournemouth | 1 | 0 | 1 |
| 7 | West Ham | 1 | 0 | 1 |
| 8 | Aston Villa | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| 9 | Brentford | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| 10 | Chelsea | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| 11 | Liverpool | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| 12 | Man Utd | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| 13 | Newcastle | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| 14 | Tottenham Hotspur | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| 15 | Wolverhampton | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| 16 | Nottm Forest | 1 | -1 | 0 |
| 17 | Everton | 1 | -1 | 0 |
| 18 | Sheff Utd | 1 | -1 | 0 |
| 19 | Luton | 1 | -3 | 0 |
| 20 | Burnley | 1 | -3 | 0 |
Meanwhile in leafy Hertfordshire, where Watford and Plymouth Argyle shared the spoils after a goalless draw, another old friend of the blog files some breaking news. “Watford supporters starting singing the João Pedro song when news came through that the former Hornet had scored against Luton,” reports Mac Millings. “Gotta love a little parochial pettiness.”
Some good news for Simon McMahon, as his beloved Dundee United score a 95th-minute equaliser against Dunfermline. That’s now ended 1-1, and the man himself writes: “Everton fans need not despair too much if their annual threatened relegation actually happens this season. Take it from me, a season or four in the second division can actually be quite enjoyable. New places to visit, and maybe the occasional win too. And just try not to think about the 1980s. You’re welcome.”
FULL TIME: Southampton 4-4 Norwich. That seems about right.
FULL TIME: Rangers 4-0 Livingston. In the other two Premiership games played today, Ross County beat St Johnstone 2-0 while St Mirren bested Dundee 2-1. All of which means the Buddies top the division, for the rest of the day at least.
| Pos | Team | P | GD | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | St Mirren | 2 | 2 | 6 |
| 2 | Rangers | 2 | 3 | 3 |
| 3 | Celtic | 1 | 2 | 3 |
| 4 | Hearts | 1 | 2 | 3 |
| 5 | Kilmarnock | 1 | 1 | 3 |
| 6 | Ross County | 2 | 0 | 3 |
| 7 | Motherwell | 1 | 0 | 1 |
| 8 | Aberdeen | 1 | 0 | 1 |
| 9 | Dundee | 2 | -1 | 1 |
| 10 | Livingston | 2 | -4 | 1 |
| 11 | Hibernian | 1 | -1 | 0 |
| 12 | St Johnstone | 2 | -4 | 0 |
GOAL! Southampton 4-4 Norwich (Armstrong 90+7 pen). Injury-time penalty at St Mary’s! Southampton are awarded the spot kick as Kyle Walker-Peters is softly shouldered to the floor. A brouhaha develops. It’s soft, but the penalty stands. Adam Armstrong slots it, and the place erupts! What a game.
Premier League full times
Arsenal 2-1 Nottingham Forest
Bournemouth 1-1 West Ham
Brighton 4-1 Luton
Everton 0-1 Fulham
Sheffield United 0-1 Crystal Palace
Updated
FULL TIME: Everton 0-1 Fulham
Fulham win at Goodison again.
Updated
FULL TIME: Sheffield United 0-1 Crystal Palace
… and so all three of the newly promoted sides have lost their opening match.
Updated
FULL TIME: Brighton 4-1 Luton
The Seagulls flying high. They’ll go top of the table, above Manchester City on goals scored. Luton with some thinking to do.
Updated
FULL TIME: Bournemouth 1-1 West Ham
The spoils shared at Dean Court.
Updated
GOAL! Brighton 4-1 Luton (Ferguson 90+5)
A tap-in for Evan Ferguson and it’s a humbling return to top-flight football for Luton Town.
GOAL! Rangers 4-0 Livingston (Dowell 90). Kieran Dowell roofs a fourth for Michael Beale’s men. And to think they were looking a little shaky not much more than ten minutes ago.
GOAL! Rangers 2-0 Livingston (Danilo 78)
GOAL! Rangers 3-0 Livingston (Sima 84)
Ibrox was getting nervous as Livi threatened a shock equaliser. No worries now.
GOAL! Southampton 3-4 Norwich (Fassnacht 84). Jan Bednarek allows the ball to clank between his feet. He can’t clear and Christian Fassnacht takes advantage. He may well have just settled this mini-classic!
Everton come close to equalising at Goodison. Alex Iwobi meets an Arnaut Danjuma flick on, but doesn’t connect and Bernd Leno is able to parry. Can Everton find the equaliser they deserve on the balance of play? Big few moments coming up at Goodison.
GOAL! Brighton 3-1 Luton (Adingra 85)
So much for Luton’s late lifeline. Tom Lockyear ships possession and Simon Adingra takes advantage. Game over surely at the Amex.
Updated
GOAL! Bournemouth 1-1 West Ham (Solanke 82)
Antoine Semenyo shoots. A deflection. The ball ends up at the feet of Dominic Solanke, who rounds Alphonse Areola to equalise!
Updated
GOAL! Brighton 2-1 Luton (Morris 81 pen)
Another soft penalty at the Amex. This time it’s for Luton, the ball pinging off Lewis Dunk’s elbow. The defender’s arm was behind him, and VAR considers overturning the decision. But it stands. Carlton Morris slams Luton’s first Premier League goal past Jason Steele.
Updated
Fulham are on top now at Goodison. Bobby Decordova-Reid should be celebrating a second goal, but hoicks over the bar from close range.
GOAL! Everton 0-1 Fulham (Decordova-Reid 73)
Pereira whistles a low cross into the Everton box. Bobby Decordova-Reid taps home, and Everton pay the price for missing all of those chances!
Updated
GOAL! Brighton 2-0 Luton (Pedro 71 pen)
Joao Pedro is strongarmed off the ball by Tom Lockyer. It’s a soft penalty decision, but not one VAR is minded to overturn. Pedro gets up and slams the spot kick home to double Brighton’s lead.
Updated
Another big chance spurned for Everton, but this time it’s nothing to do with Neal Maupay. Bernd Leno saves an Alex Iwobi shot. Nathan Patterson blazes the rebound against the frame of the goal. Fulham survive again.
Fulham try to mix it up by sending on Aleksandar Mitrović … only for their star striker to roll his ankle within five minutes of coming on. He hobbles on for now, but he’s not happy, telling his bench he wants to come off.
GOAL! Southampton 3-3 Norwich City (Adams 57). Che Adams tucks a shot into the bottom corner, and this match is now threatening to turn into a to-and-fro classic for the ages. Six goals, and there’s still over half an hour to go!
Updated
“Everton are the better team right now but don’t look like scoring.” That’s the verdict of Paul Merson on Sky Sports Soccer Saturday. On that subject, sort of, here’s Kári Tulinius: “I’ll admit I have a soft spot for Neal Maupay because he’s famously a big reader, and in a better world he’d host a books podcast with Divock Origi. With that said, I still think Maupay’s better than almost anyone at creating chaos in opposition boxes, it’s just that he rarely profits off the resulting chances. I’d love to see him partner with Calvert-Lewin, just to see if a more natural number nine couldn’t take advantage of the Maupay havoc.”
Another reminder that we’ll be covering the final round of the AIG Women’s Open tomorrow. It’s hotting up at Walton Heath: Ally Ewing, who began the third round five clear of the field, is being hunted down by the Chevron champion Lilia Vu, who is two under for her round through 7. Ewing by contrast is two over through 5, and suddenly that lead is only two strokes! A super Sunday looks more likely than not. Don’t forget to join us!
-8: Ewing (5)
-6: Vi (7)
-5: Shin (12), Grant (10), Hull (6)
-4: N Korda (F), Yang (F), Hataoka (9), Kim (7), Katsu (6), Lee (5)
Still no breakthrough at Goodison. “My boys in blue are giving it their best but ‘Everton should be ahead but…’ is going to be heard throughout the season,” writes Mary Waltz. “If Calvert Lewin can ever regain health this year that could change but the lack of clinical finishing in the box will probably be a season long trend. Sigh.”
GOAL! Sheffield United 0-1 Crystal Palace (Edouard 50)
The Premier League goals are flowing now! Jordan Ayew whips in a low cross from the right for Odsonne Edouard, who smacks home from close range.
Updated
GOAL! Bournemouth 0-1 West Ham (Bowen 52)
Nothing much happened in the first half at Dean Court. But the second half starts in lively fashion. Bournemouth midfielder David Brooks volleys close. Then West Ham go up the other end, Jarrod Bowen curling home to score the first goal of the post-Rice era.
Updated
That lively discussion about Neal Maupay, then. “It’s Neal F****** Maupay,” begins Brad Wilson. “What do you expect? He works hard I will give him that. But - Everton has defenders who finish better. 2-0 Everton with anybody else up front. It’s the same old story, one that Dyche seemingly never tires of. Play the kids. Please.”
Meanwhile here’s Richard Hirst with a self-confessed “pointless statistic to end all pointless statistics:
Fulham 70% possession, one shot
Everton 30% possession, 10 shots
Fulham possession per shot 70%
Everton possession per shot 3%
Everton 23 times more effective than Fulham at turning possession into shots.
File alongside xG.”
FULL TIME: Arsenal 2-1 Nottingham Forest. Nick Ames was at the Emirates to see Mikel Arteta’s side launch a new title challenge. Here’s his verdict.
FULL TIME: Coventry City 3-0 Middlesbrough. The report on Cov’s win in the lunchtime Championship kick-off.
GOAL! Southampton 2-3 Norwich (Rowe 45+3). The Premier League 3pms have been little short of a collective non-event, but the good folk at St Mary’s are taking up plenty of the entertainment slack. Jon Rowe loops a header home just before the break to give the Canaries the advantage in this gloriously see-sawing romp. Kyle Walker-Peters attempts to immediately restore parity with a guided header of his own, but it’s just off target and that’s half-time. More please!
Premier League half times
Bournemouth 0-0 West Ham
Brighton 1-0 Luton
Everton 0-0 Fulham
Sheffield United 0-0 Crystal Palace
Fair play to Neal Maupay, who isn’t of a mind to hide after that miss. He chests down and belts another effort straight at the keeper. What the scoreline would be had Dominic Calvert-Lewin been up front today instead of Maupay is a matter for lively discussion.
Neal Maupay misses a one-on-one with the keeper. Everton should be leading this match, on balance of chances if not balance of play. “Goals are hugely overrated,” writes Jonathan Wilson Richard Hirst. “What is important is that Fulham have had 78% possession!”
Updated
Neal Maupay has the ball in the net at Goodison. But it won’t count, James Tarkowski penalised harshly for a challenge on Bernd Leno. “Just taken a snapshot of the table,” writes David Cross. “Everton are sixth as it stands. Could be a high point.”
| Pos | Team | P | GD | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 5 | Crystal Palace | 1 | 0 | 1 |
| 6 | Everton | 1 | 0 | 1 |
| 7 | Fulham | 1 | 0 | 1 |
GOAL! Brighton 1-0 Luton (March 36)
Solly March heads home Kaoru Mitoma’s cross to end what had been a brave rearguard resistance by the Hatters.
Updated
Neal Maupay slams a close-range chance straight at Bernd Leno. Everton should be leading Fulham, but they’re not. Meanwhile Jordan Ayew thinks he’s put Crystal Palace ahead at Sheffield United, heading home after Joachim Andersen’s shot had been fumbled by Wes Foderingham. But up pops the offside flag.
Updated
In lieu of goal-based entertainment …
The Greatest Show on Earth™ latest.
Bournemouth 0-0 West Ham
Brighton 0-0 Luton
Everton 0-0 Fulham
Sheffield United 0-0 Crystal Palace
Jose Cifuentes has the ball in the net for Rangers against Livingston at Ibrox. But it won’t be 2-0 because VAR gets involved and spots a handball. A goal initially given is swiftly disallowed.
GOAL! Southampton 2-2 Norwich (Sara 23). Nothing much is happening in the Premier League, but it really is all going off down on the south coast. Gabriel Sara levels for the Canaries and good luck guessing the outcome of this match between two of the Championship’s promotion hopefuls.
GOAL! Southampton 2-1 Norwich (Armstrong 21 pen). Shane Duffy handles a Will Smallbone free kick. Penalty. Adam Armstrong converts, and St Mary’s celebrates a quick-fire turnaround.
GOAL! Southampton 1-1 Norwich (Bednarek 17). Jan Bednarek smacks home a loose ball from close range at St Mary’s and Saints are level in short order.
Updated
Tomas Soucek nearly opens the scoring at Dean Court. The West Ham midfielder smacks a shot against the frame of the goal and Bournemouth keeper Neto snaffles the rebound.
GOAL! Rangers 1-0 Livingston (Lammers 10). Second game of the season, and already it feels like a must-win for Michael Beale’s side after last weekend’s defeat at Kilmarnock. Sam Lammers opens the scoring at Ibrox after Todd Cantwell goes close with a shot.
It’s end to end at the Amex as well. Luton giving as good as they’re getting, but it’s Brighton who have had the best chance, Joao Pedro missing an early one-on-one with Hatters keeper Thomas Kaminski.
Updated
GOAL! Southampton 0-1 Norwich (Sargent 7). Josh Sargent with the opener at St Mary’s. Meanwhile at Goodison Abdoulaye Doucoure misses a one-on-one with Bernd Leno. “Thanks to Gary Naylor for pointing out Fulham’s vulnerability to second season syndrome,” begins Richard Hirst. “Still, it’s better than the first season syndrome we experienced on our two previous visits. I had indeed already identified this as a crucial game in setting the tone for the season, as no doubt Mary Waltz has as well. It’s going to be a long 90/110 minutes.”
Updated
A lively end-to-end start at Goodison Park. Popularity’s Neal Maupay with an early shot on target, then Antonee Robinson whistles a dangerous cross through Everton’s box. But no nerve-settling early goal.
FULL TIME: Arsenal 2-1 Nottingham Forest. The Gunners hold on! They’re hot on Manchester City’s heels yet again. Barry Glendenning reports.
Other sport dept. A heads up: tomorrow afternoon we’ll be covering the final round of the AIG Women’s Open from Walton Heath. Now you may have already written it off as a procession, what with Ally Ewing going into the weekend five shots clear of the field … but Nelly Korda is on one this afternoon! Four birdies and an eagle in her first 11 holes, and all of a sudden she’s just four behind her US compatriot. Meanwhile Charley Hull has opened with a birdie, and she’s just four behind now too. A long way to go, and it’s a tournament that more often than not delivers absurd quantities of drama on the Sunday, so please join us for that.
GOAL! Arsenal 2-1 Nottingham Forest (Awoniyi 82). Forest have pulled a goal back at the Emirates. Barry Glendenning has the details.
Updated
Meanwhile on the subject of West Ham United’s new leader … “Kurt Zouma eh? From cat pain harm ban to captain’s armband.”
Emil Fortune, ladies and gentlemen. He’s here all week. Try the Purina Gourmet tuna fillets in gravy.
Pre-match excitement: the Dundonian method. “Only three 3 o’clock kick-offs in the Scottish Premier today,” begins Simon McMahon. “Rangers v Livingston, Ross County v St. Johnstone and St Mirren v Dundee. Meh. In the Scottish Championship early pace-setters / table-toppers Dundee United, fresh from their season opening 4-0 thrashing of Arbroath, welcome Dunfermline to Tannadice for their first home league fixture of the season. After an early League Cup exit prompted some raised eyebrows, Jim Goodwin’s men needed that fast start at Gayfield, and will be confident of making it two wins from two today. Putting down markers and all that. The early season optimism is now palpable down Tannadice Street. Can you tell?”
Opening-day excitement: the Everton way. “Is it too early to call this a must-win game for both teams?” - Gary Naylor
“The fact that you pictured our manager rather than one of our players says a lot about the current state of Everton football. I am digging in and prepping for the long march to 40 points and safety. COYB” – Mary Waltz
“Neal F****** Maupay??? Really? No Evertonian I know ever wants to see him ever again. I’d rather see the Cannon kid. Or play Danjuma as a striker. Or bring Andy Johnson out of retirement. Or anything. Chermiti can’t be ready soon enough” – Brad Wilson
FULL TIME: Coventry City 3-0 Middlesbrough. City played well at Leicester last weekend only to leave without reward. They pick up three points today, though, and it’s been a satisfying enough start to the season for Mark Robins’ side. It’s played two, lost two for Boro, though. Michael Carrick’s side were one of the pre-season favourites for promotion, too.
Sheffield United v Crystal Palace. Sheffield United have two new signings. Vinicius Souza starts on the bench, but Gus Hamer wasn’t signed in time to feature today. Palace are able to give a debut to their new man Jefferson Lerma.
Everton v Fulham. Dominic Calvert-Lewin isn’t in the Everton squad, deemed not yet up to speed after a patchy pre-season, so Neal Maupay starts up front. Demarai Gray, seemingly bound for Fulham, is also absent. Ashley Young debuts at the age of 38 years and 34 days; fellow box-fresh signing Arnaut Danjuma is named as a sub. Fulham select new signing Raul Jimenez ahead of Aleksandar Mitrovic, who is benched amid interest from Al-Hilal.
GOAL! Coventry City 3-0 Middlesbrough (Lenihan og 90+1). Matt Godden whips a cross in from the right. The ball takes a huge deflection off Boro defender Darragh Lenihan and flies into the net. Game over.
Brighton v Luton. James Milner, Mahmoud Dahoud and Joao Pedro make their Brighton debuts. There’s no Moises Caicedo, currently in a holding pattern over London, unsure whether he’ll be landing at Chelsea or diverted north to Liverpool. Luton’s first top-flight starting XI since 1992 features their captain Tom Lockyer, who less than three months ago collapsed during the Championship play-off final victory over Coventry due to a heart issue.
Bournemouth v West Ham. Bournemouth give debuts to Max Aarons and Milos Kerkez. Lucas Paqueta starts for West Ham, despite the serious interest in the Brazilian from champions Manchester City, while Kurt Zouma has been handed the captain’s armband in the wake of Declan Rice’s move to Arsenal.
Premier League teams
Bournemouth: Neto, Aarons, Zabarnyi, Senesi, Kerkez, Rothwell, Billing, Brooks, Christie, Anthony, Solanke.
Subs: Mepham, Kluivert, Andrei Radu, Moore, Traore, Hill, Semenyo, Kilkenny, Greenwood.
West Ham United: Areola, Coufal, Zouma, Aguerd, Emerson Palmieri, Soucek, Lucas Paqueta, Bowen, Fornals, Benrahma, Antonio.
Subs: Fabianski, Johnson, Cornet, Ings, Ogbonna, Kehrer, Coventry, Anang, Mubama.
Brighton & Hove Albion: Steele, Gross, Dunk, van Hecke, Estupinan, March, Milner, Dahoud, Mitoma, Welbeck, Joao Pedro.
Subs: Verbruggen, Igor, Alzate, Enciso, Adingra, Gilmour, Ferguson, Veltman, Buonanotte.
Luton Town: Kaminski, Andersen, Lockyer, Bell, Kabore, Mpanzu, Nakamba, Chong, Giles, Morris, Adebayo.
Subs: Ogbene, Shea, Berry, Woodrow, Brown, McAtee, Campbell, Doughty, Francis-Clarke.
Everton: Pickford, Patterson, Tarkowski, Keane, Young, Garner, Doucoure, Gueye, Onana, Iwobi, Maupay.
Subs: Danjuma, Virginia, Mykolenko, Andre Gomes, Godfrey, Cannon, Branthwaite, Dobbin, Onyango.
Fulham: Leno, Tete, Diop, Ream, Robinson, Reed, Lukic, Cairney, Wilson, Willian, Jimenez.
Subs: Rodak, Bassey, Mitrovic, Reid, Andreas Pereira, Mbabu, Vinicius, Jay Stansfield, Jay Stansfield, Dibley-Dias.
Sheffield United: Foderingham, Basham, Egan, Robinson, Baldock, Norwood, Ahmedhodzic, Lowe, Osula, Osborn, Traore.
Subs: Vinicius Souza, Davies, Trusty, Ben Slimane, Larouci, Marsh, Brooks, Seriki, Hackford.
Crystal Palace: Johnstone, Ward, Andersen, Guehi, Mitchell, Doucoure, Lerma, Schlupp, Eze, Ayew, Edouard.
Subs: Tomkins, Mateta, Clyne, Richards, Ahamada, Matthews, Riedewald, Rak-Sakyi, Gordon.
GOAL! Coventry City 2-0 Middlesbrough (Wright 70). Boro were threatening to get back into the game, but now look. They fail to clear a corner and Haji Wright sweeps home from close range. The Eton Boating Song (Version) rings around the CBS Arena.
Updated
HALF TIME: Arsenal 2-0 Nottingham Forest. Eddie Nketiah and Bukayo Saka have opened Arsenal’s 2023-24 account at the Emirates. Brennan Johnson had earlier missed a glorious one-on-one opportunity to put Forest ahead. For more details, Baz has your back.
Meanwhile in the Premier League’s first Saturday lunchtime fixture of the season, Bukayo Saka has scored an absolute belter for Arsenal. Barry Glendenning is covering events at the Emirates in the time-honoured minute-by-minute fashion.
GOAL! Coventry City 1-0 Middlesbrough (Godden 11). The first Championship goal of the day came at the CBS Arena. The home fans, subdued at the news of Gus Hamer’s departure for Sheffield United, were cheered up early doors when Matt Godden popped up in a crowded box to ram home. We’re not long into the second half of that one now.
The first result of the day. The Lionesses roar into the semi-finals of the Women’s World Cup! Alessia Russo’s crisp second-half strike completed a turnaround 2-1 victory for England against Colombia down under. Sarah Rendell has the details.
Preamble
Manchester City opened up their latest defence of the Premier League with a 3-0 win at Burnley last night. But the title race isn’t over quite yet! Arsenal are currently playing Nottingham Forest, while there are some fascinating showdowns in the 3pms.
Bournemouth v West Ham
Brighton v Luton
Everton v Fulham
Sheffield United v Crystal Palace
See? Admittedly those fixtures will almost certainly have more bearing on the relegation battle than the top of the table, but it’s all good knockabout fun regardless, ain’t that the truth. There is also a slew of big games in the Championship, plus three matches in the Scottish Premiership, including a must-win (already) game for Rangers, who host Livingston at Ibrox. All the team news when we have it. It’s on!
