Play has been abandoned for the day!
With the latest rain, this was inevitable, I’m afraid. We’ll try again tomorrow… or maybe we won’t? Unusual times – thanks for sharing them with me on the OBO. Bye!
Oooh, some breaking news… Virat Kohli has hit a century. His first since November 2019, the milestone reached in India’s Asia Cup dead rubber against Afghanistan.
King Kohli is back and back. He is bloody good. What a player. pic.twitter.com/zoWS6Haiw9
— Johns. (@CricCrazyJohns) September 8, 2022
It’s understandable that there’s a bit of conflicting information about what will happen if the Queen passes away. As I reported earlier, the ECB have told us that they are under no instruction to necessarily cancel the Test but the board would meet to take a position. If they decided to miss a day of the Test (tomorrow, let’s say) then it would be difficult to extend beyond the scheduled fifth day because a number of these players fly to Pakistan on Wednesday for the T20 tour there.
The rain has advanced from light to a bit unpleasant. Not a downpour, but certainly enough to get you jogging if you got caught in it on the way to a train station.
Sorry, the Frog and Rosbif insists Nick Toovey. There you go, plenty of options.
Steve Cox has a question. If this Test is called off, and there has to be a fairly decent chance of that, “will Harry Brook have to give his cap and sweater back?”
Ah yes, the lad on debut; the sleepless night he would have endured. To do it all again in, gosh, Pakistan three months from now? Most unusual times.
Which pub for cricket in Paris? We have answers for Martyn Fairbrother. Here’s Paris Bob Wilson: “The most guaranteed place I knew was the downstairs bar/lobby of St Christopher’s Inns at 159 rue de Crimée just by the lovely lock on the canal de la villette. You can get Newky Brown there too. Used to be all Aussie backpackers and the occasional bewildered American. Worth calling to check that there’s still all day cricket. Nice grub in that neighbourhood too and delightfully old-world crack-dealers.”
Another option, tweeted in by Charl Engela, is the Frog and British Library. That’s endorsed by regular OBO emailer Nick Toovey, who has watched games there.
The boundary-to-boundary covers on now. Because, did you know, the square goes allllll the way across here at The Oval. Nobody ever talks about that.
The new ECB chair, Richard Thompson, knows this ground better than most given his former gig as Surrey chair. He’s been doing the media rounds so it’s worth reading what he has to say given the influence he now enjoys. Simon Burnton has the story.
So much for that inspection, by the way. We’re heading into that territory where one more big dump – and this rain isn’t that, by the way – might be enough to get the day called off. On the other hand, I’m sure the powers-that-be will give themselves every chance to get on for 15 overs so that they don’t have to dish out full refunds.
#ENGvSA It doesn't bode well for England that this game, if it ever gets started, is at The Oval. Since lockdown they've been unstoppable in the north (P6, W6), middling in the Midlands (P4, W2, L1, D1), and woeful south of Watford (P8, W1, L4, D3)
— Tim de Lisle (@TimdeLisle) September 8, 2022
“Hello Adam and Hello Robert Wilson.” Martyn Fairbrother, welcome to the OBO. “Where’s the place to watch the cricket in Paris? Last time out, in the bar where I was watching, we lost a bit of the Test before lunch to Southampton-Man U and the last wicket to another match. They were threatening to put the Formula 1 on if it had lasted until Sunday.”
Bob, over to you with that one. The French Women’s team were visiting on a tour of England recently - they’ve been busy playing a lot of fixtures this summer.
Covers on. Sorry. Big ones coming now too… and yep, it’s raining.
Tim Connolly sent this 22 minutes ago. “Raining in Chobham, so it’ll be raining at the Oval in an hour.” So, about 30 minutes after the next inspection. Saaake.
“Hi Adam.” Hello, Jeremy Boyce. “I used to live near The Oval many years ago, went one Sunday afternoon to watch Aussies v Surrey, we lost an hour to Lord’s day observance, but the Baggy Greens rattled up over 300 in the day nevertheless. Anyway, am I seriously the first person to point out that, given the recent history of early finishes for matches involving BazBallCC, half a day lost today just means we might actually make it into the fourth, even fifth, day?”
Good shout. The early BazBall efforts made it to day five because New Zealand madeloads when batting first. But I’m not certain South Africa have a top six that’s capable of batting for four/five sessions at the moment. And they’re batting first.
“What happens to tomorrow’s day’s play if the Queen dies this evening?” asks Michael Cameron-Mowat. “Do they suspend the game or do they play the test but with a marker of the event (like the equivalent of a footballer’s black armband)? Hope it’s not a callous question but I was just wondering what happens.”
No callous at all, Michael – perfectly reasonable in the circumstances. The truth is, we don’t know. Our expectation, from earlier reporting, is that play would be suspended on the day itself. But beyond then, it’s unclear. The ECB told us earlier today that there would be a board meeting right away to make a decision.
For what it’s worth, I was on air at Lord’s last year when the Duke of Edinburgh died and we weren’t quite sure how it would play out and the round was nearly suspended. But instead, after respects were paid on the field, the game cracked on as normal. But I appreciate, of course, that this is very (very) different.
Along these lines, a thought I had earlier. There’s a possibility that play will begin this afternoon only for there to be further (and grave) information announced by the Palace before stumps. In that event, national anthems would have been played before the match begins, which is the custom before every Test these days. In turn, it might be one of the last public renditions of God Save the Queen that we ever hear.
Covers back off. Just the hessian for now, with – that latest news again - the formal inspection coming at 4pm.
“*sings softly to self*” begins Josh Cooper. “...he bowls to the leeeft, he bowls to the riiiiiiiiiiiight....” Yes, I was there mate. I was there. “Can’t include a ‘tormentor’ who has a song that instantly brings a smile to my face. Though admittedly 2013/14 has been surgically removed from my hippocampus. Rain is rubbish, isn’t it? Can we all wish the Gnomads CC the best for their tour around the Hope Valley this weekend? In Derbyshire, where it never rains? Enjoy your afternoon.”
Yikes, a nasty weekend of weather for a tour! Hope you have nice digs/pubs. In fact, if you’re in Derbyshire the latter won’t be an issue – love covering games there.
More Johnson-adjecent corro, this from Simon Thomas. “Rather than Johnson ending Carberry’s career, it was very much the selectors who decided that, for whatever reason, his face didn’t fit and that was that. He certainly wasn’t disastrous that Ashes series. If he was playing now, he’d have had a much longer run in the team. I’m off to the Oval tomorrow too – having seen Hayden/Langer and Ponting in 2001 ; Amla/Smith/Kallis in 2012 and Asad Shafiq and Younis Khan in 2016, I’ve had enough of tormentors.”
Couldn’t agree more with Carberry. He left Australia, as I remember it anyway (before I moved into journalism, just trucking along as normal) with his reputation enhanced. Certainly in the eyes of Australians, he little wrong. Got a BBL deal, too.
BBC reporting that seven members of the Royal Household are shortly arriving at Aberdeen shortly. This isn’t a blog on those developments, you can find that over here, but it would be disingenuous to ignore significant developments elsewhere.
Back to our topic, Peter Hanes. “Thanks as always for your coverage. Regarding tormentors, while Warne was so often such a presence with ball and mind, spare a thought for Murali (112 wickets at 20 against England).”
With 16 of them here at The Oval in Sri Lanka’s famous 1998 victory. That was the definition of patience and sticking to a plan: Murali all day, every day.
They announce the 4pm inspection to the crowd and they aren’t happy. A lot of boos and a loud “GET ON WITH IT” booms around the Vauxhall End of the ground.
Further inspection 4pm. Urgh.
“Hello my lovely.” Robert Wilson, I miss you. “I’ve been covering the Nice attack trial at the Palais de Justice all week so I could really do with some bleeding cricket. Did no one mention Ladysmith Black Mambazo for the rain-praising playlist? What is wrong with you people? Also, Warne was quite obviously the torturer par excellence. He clearly enjoyed that bit more than getting the actual wicket. I bet he used to follow batsmen into the toilets and just stare at them from the corner.”
Well, maybe cricket? The rope is going around the outfield – that’s usually a good sign that the serious mopping up work is done with only the surface water left.
“I think most of England’s 1986 West Indies tour squad would consider Patrick Patterson worthy of inclusion,” emails Ewan Glenton. Damn straight – what a force he was. “If pure, ice-cold fear factor were to be a key factor, I’d perhaps have him opening the bowling with either Mitch or Thommo.”
Wondering what ever happened to Patterson? My dear friend and colleague Bharat Sundaresan found him a few years ago. Brilliant piece of journalism.
A plug while we wait for an update. I wrote The Spin column this week, focusing on Zimbabwe and their relationship (or lack thereof, these days) with England. In short: it’s been a long while, a lot has happened, time for them to get back on the field together – tricky as that might now be with the circus of an international schedule.
The inspection is taking place. The covers are on so the umpires are walking around the rest of the (vast) square, getting a sense of how much water is on there. They’re in deep conversation with the head groundsman, by the looks. Some unhappy fans sitting near me – “get on with it!” one roars. Another boos. Now the umps depart.
“Afternoon Collins, afternoon everybody.” And to you, Josh Robinson. “So for me the key question when it comes to tormentors is that of respite. For me, his performances in 2010-11 (and indeed 2009) mean that however devastating Johnson was in 2013-14, he doesn’t make the cut. Whereas Graeme Smith, Steve Waugh seemed to occupy the crease for years at a time. That said, Greenidge’s 214* at Lord’s in 1984 would arguably be enough for inclusion on its own, even if he hadn’t averaged over 50 against England.”
Johnson is complex. As you say, played his part for England in 2009 (although, he was nowhere near as bad as people remember it) and, of course, 2010-11 was messy. But we all know what happens in 2013-14; one of the great cricket redemption arcs.
“Any shout out for the tormentors in a losing cause against England?” asks Tom Barrington. “If so I think Blundell and Mitchell deserve a mention for their heroics this summer.”
If ignoring every other series he played against them, I suppose Shane Warne’s 2005 Ashes would meet that criteria. Also, I wonder if Mitchell earn himself a Wisden Almanack Cricketer of the Year gong next year? In other words, will be be seen as one of the five best cricketers of the summer of 2022 (who hasn’t won it before)?
The covers are back on. I’m not quite sure why, though? I’m sat outside, albeit under cover, and I don’t detect any rain. But it is darker now, so maybe the ground staff are seeing what we are on the radar – more rain likely to hit in a little while. Nevertheless, there’s still meant to be an umpire’s inspection shortly.
In relation to the Queen’s health. The only word we’ve had from the ECB so far is that they aren’t mandated to do anything in terms of the Test. But the board will meet, in the event that there is another development, to decide the course of action.
Thank you, Daniel. Rain shifts are tougher than they look, he’s very good at it. Well, bit going on, isn’t there? The update from where I am, the outside press box at The Oval, is that we have an inspection at 3:10pm. The tea time will be set after then. Whatever happens next, let’s chat throughout – drop me a line, ping me a tweet.
Inspection at 3:10pm. #ENGvSA pic.twitter.com/nL7R25a0T8
— Adam Collins (@collinsadam) September 8, 2022
Anyhow that is me; thanks all for your company and comments. Here’s Adam Collins to soothe you through what will hopefully be some actual cricket, and here’s our rain playlist.
Oh, and here’s Tom King on precisely that point: “I think we’re not leaving nearly enough room for the surprising tormentors – how about Eddo Brandes, the Zimbabwean chicken farmer who ran through England in 1997 (including a hat-trick) and gave the greatest response to a Glenn McGrath sledge of all time?”
Yes, I remember it well – and on that point, here’s some DK Morrison fun from 1997.
And here’s Ewan Glenton with his favourite tormentors: “Mitchell Johnson – 37 wickets at 13.97 in five tests, ending the test careers of KP, Trott, Carberry, Prior and getting Root dropped for the only time – was absolutely sensationally tormentative. Given the plethora of bowlers mentioned so far, I think for this England Tormentors team thing to work, it’d have to be at least a three-match series, different pace attack every time, there are so many. Rodney Hogg was pretty tormentuous too in the 78-79 ashes: 41 wickets, including that of Boycott cheaply four times.”
Hmmm, I’d argue that KP’s England career was ended mainly by KP himself, along with Alastair Cook, but yes, the point still stands – and you can sort of add Graeme Swann to the list. Tangentially, I’m now thinking about randoms who’ve tormented England too – Greg Blewett, Vinod Kambli, Rajesh Chauhan, Venkatapathy Raju, Scott Boland and so on.
Updated
More misery from John Robinson: “Day 1 at the Oval, 2011. Only 25 overs before lunch, because expletives in the hospitality boxes in the OCS stand kept moving behind the bowler’s arm. Rain after lunch, and we traipsed back to Loughborough Junction. When the rain stopped at about 5pm I hopped on the bus back to the Oval, and was approaching the gate to hear the announcement over the tannoy that play had been abandoned for the day. If we’d gone the next day we’d have seen Bell and Pietersen put on 350 in glorious sunshine. One ball less and we’d have had some money back, too.”
Oh that’s glorious.
Updated
“I saw England play out a draw at Lord’s in June 1997 against Taylor’s all-conquering Aussies when England were savouring a rare 1-0 series lead,” says Malcolm McAdam. “They later converted it into a 3-2 series defeat with the usual suspects doing the damage. The last day before I began my first job after graduation.
That does indeed sound painful, and on the subkect of England tormentors, he says: “Allan Border (56 avg v. Eng) would give Smith good competition as bat and capt, but I think Sobers tops them both as an allrounder and with a 60 avg. Lara (62 avg), Viv Richards (63 avg), Warne and Steve Waugh would also make my XI.”
Updated
Bright sunshee-ine, inspection at 3.10pm
Looks like we’re getting cricket!
“Family party of four drove to Headingley for the 1980 West Indies Test,” recalls David Bartram, “weather fine, bought tickets on the gate (easily done then); got in, weather still fine; paid the transfer to behind the bowler’s arm (you could do that then). Sat down. Promptly started raining solidly and maliciously; play called-off; no refunds then. Didn’t let it put us off though and returned for the Saturday of the ‘81 Headingley Ashes Test, which duly banished the bad memory.”
Aw I love a happy ending.
“Apropos of ‘the thing’, “ emails Pete Salmon, “thought this might be of interest: the last time a monarch passed, 71 years ago, there was a rest day declared in the India v England Madras test, which turned out to be India’s first victory. Vinoo Mankad 8-55 and 4-53, Polly Umrigar 130 not out, Pankaj Roy 111. And Lala Amarnath played, which means the Queen has been Queen since when Mohinder Amarnath’s dad was playing...”
The clean-up has started, report Cricinfo. Oooh yeah – I’m surprised they can print that pre-watershed.
“I was lured to Australia for the 2017-18 Ashes,” says Kat Petersen, “mostly with promises of a beautiful sunny Australian summer. By the time I landed we’d already lost even the mathematical possibility of winning the series and I got rained on in all three Test grounds I went to. Thanks Australia!”
In 10-11, the weather was thought to be a reason England won so convincingly. I’d suggest the presence of Michael Beer, Doug Bollinger, Xavier Doherty, Ben Hilfenhaus … and, er, Mitchell Johnson … was just as significant. On which point, can we have an England tormentors XI without Mitch?
“Was it only 714 runs?” wonders Matt Dony of the 03 series. “It actually seems like that should be higher. My only real memory is that Smith appeared to always be on show. He’d bat for two days, spend a day captaining in the field, then straight back to batting. And there didn’t seem to be anything England could do about it. It must have been mentally exhausting. I’d have had to sleep for a month after that tour.”
I remember thinking he looked like a cartoon – a massive bloke with a tiny bat, as in the below.
The covers are coming off!
Come on….
“Here’s a first, entirely subjective stab at an England tormentors XI, off the top of my
head,” returns Josh Robinson.
“Greenidge
Smith (c)
Bradman
Lara
Waugh
Sobers
Gilchrist
Warne
Hadlee
Marshall
Donald
I’m sure there’s plenty of scope to improve it (I’m most sad that I
couldn’t make room for any of Saqlain Mushtaq, Waqar or Wasim from the
1992 tour), but it seems a good enough place to start.”
I don’t think I can agree with the omission of Alderman, but that is a solid outfit.
“My first and so far only experience of Test cricket was the 4th Test of the England v Pakistan series in 2010 (yes, that Test),” says Matt Cast. “I hung about in the rain all day before seeing 12.3 overs with England limping unconvincingly to 39-1. If I’d gone on the second day I would have seen nearly 100 overs and a Stuart Broad century. Ah well. Lords was pretty amazing to see though.”
I was on holiday at the time, so shifted my tickets for your day to a mate, having already lozzed the next day to some randoms off Gumtree. I felt guilty about that.
The umpires are out, brollies up
It looks grim upstairs and all. Given how long it’ll take to dry the outfield, it’s hard to see much going on in the afternoon sesh.
“I, too, was at the rained-off first day of Ireland’s first Test in Malahide, having driven right across the island to get there, with my wife and cricket-mad son,” emails Billy Mills. “We ate well enough, bought some merch, and huddled under such shelter as was available before giving up mid-afternoon. I was very definitely there at the damp birth of Irish Test cricket, proudly so.”
“Great rain-delay chat with Athers and Hussain trying desperately not to bite the hand that feeds them,” says Ken Andrew, “when in reality you know they want to say the Hundred is rubbish.”
I didn’t read it like that. I think they know it isn’t for them and want to protect what is, but they appreciate its role in taking the game to new places and bringing revenue to keep other formats going. Their concern, I think, was that with all the exposure and investment it gets, it naturally attracts an audience, and Athers’ fear is that people look at the figures and draw conclusions, rather than look at the figures and consider them in the context of the aforementioned exposure.
“I went to a day of Middlesex vs Glamorgan at HQ in April 2018, I think it was,” says Josh Robinson. “The forecast was ok: chance of a few showers, but no more. And in fact it hardly rained all day, just the odd brief period of the kind of mizzle that wouldn’t even
stop you taking the field, let alone make you leave it. But it was a cool, slightly damp April day and there was no breeze to speak of, which meant that the outfield couldn’t get dry enough for play to start. Worse still, because I’d bought my ticket at the gate I wasn’t eligible for a refund.”
And a different kind of HQ misery: I went to the Sunday of the 2001 Ashes Test. England batted first, and were 163-4 in their second innings, trailing by 51 … and were promptly removed in the morning sesh for 227. Australia then knocked off the 14 they needed – for the loss of two wickets! – and we were home around lunchtime.
That 2003 England South Africa series we discussed earlier, Graeme Smith scored 714 runs in five matches; for context, England’s highest scorer was Marcus Trescothick with 487. If there was to be an XI of players who’d punished England hardest, Smith would probably be captain, but who else would be in it? I don’t suppose XI is enough – how do you pick your pacemen when you’ve got Alderman, Lillee, Thompson, McGrath, Marshall, Ambrose, Wasim, Waqar and others to choose from?
“As an Ireland fan (England second),” says Samuel Cardwell, “I was so excited when they announced their first Test match that I organised a solo trip to Dublin. I was pretty poor (or stingy) so I only booked the first day – going up to NI to see my family after stumps. So: a flight into Dublin the day before, a very rushed seeing of sights, a stay at a very grim hostel, a complicated series of trains to get to the suburb of Malahide – and a whole day rained off. Hours of standing around looking for shelter at a temporary stadium. A cold wet train north. And can I even say ‘I was there’?”
Weren’t there also refreshment issues at that? Still, at least you got to have your parents shake their heads at your behaviour and the child they’d raised, so it wasn’t all bad.
Anyone got any stories of being rained on at the cricket? I was there once when there was no play after lunch and we were sat under the media centre, so didn’t get wet, and they put the Cup Final on the big screen. So we ate our picnic, drunk all we had, and went home. MGM have optioned the film rights of this terrific yarn.
We do, though, have cricket elsewhere. Holla to the Champo!
It's raining again
As such, there’s been no 1.30pm pitch inspection, and I’m starting to worry about play this afternoon.
Updated
Now we’ve gone to a wide, I can see behind the Sky ladz that the covers are still on. I can’t see us getting an inspection six minutes ago.
On the Queen, Cricinfo report that “an ECB spokesperson has said ‘there is no mandate from DCMS to cancel sporting events, and it is left to individual sports to decide on appropriate steps.’”
“It’s an age-old argument,” emails Sam Collier-Sewell, “but really, when will the ECB see sense and stop scheduling test matches in England in September when they could be played in places that have half-decent weather at this time of the year - like Shetland? Sure, people will raise trivial concerns about the distance, the lack of sufficient transport links, infrastructure and, you know, cricket pitches, but it’s a beautiful, bright sunny day here. There’s a gentle breeze and it’s set fair for the three days that this Test is likely to last - what more could you ask for?”
I would be so up for that. This place looks fine to me.
There’s been no more rain, so hopefully we’re good for our inspection in a couple of minutes.
OK, here is our rain playlist. Thanks all for your contributions, there are too many to print one by one, so here’s a collation – keep em coming.
“I think it was 2000,” emails Richard Neal. “I was going to go to my first test match, the Saturday at Headingley against the West Indies, Courtney and Curtly up against Nasser’s resurgent England. So exciting. Then the day before, the thrill and simultaneous horror listening to Viv Richards report how Darren Gough was ‘on fire’ with his inswinging yorkers and Caddick took four in an over. First two-day test in 50 years. Elated, but absolutely gutted. Not about being at a match, I know, but the emotions were strong.”
Eeesh, that is rank. I was at Lord’s the other day and a mate who lives in Israel was there on day one with his lad, making his debut. He was not impressed with the English rain.
And more email: “As a young man,” tweets Nagarjun, “I snuck into an Ind-Aus Mumbai Test on a photoshopped ticket; it was before numbered seats & barcode scanners. Felt like a thrilling act of subversion. The following Test was the VVS 281 one at the Eden, so more joy as I felt part of an epic series.”
Oh that’s lovely.
Hello again. No more rain, but there does appear to be other stuff going on.
If there's no more rain, we'll have an inspection at 1.30pm
Come on, it’s enough already.
And that is lunch. See you in 40 minutes!
Sky are about to show us the end of the 2003 England v South Africa series – the hosts won at the Oval to square things, and the Gaffer, playing his final Test, was chaired around the boundary at the end. I reckon that’s the most miserable I’ve ever been at the cricket – I was starting law school the following day and was in total disbelief at what I was doing to myself. So, what’s the least happy – or most happy – you’ve ever been at the match, and why?
I was hoping for a wholesome family shot, but in the meantime, here’s this.
Looking grim at The Oval. Lunch to be taken at 12.30pm.#ENGvSA pic.twitter.com/TaQ7lkIGr7
— The Cricketer (@TheCricketerMag) September 8, 2022
Lunch to be taken at 12.30
Let’s hope when we return at 1.10, we’re good to go.
Right, let’s compile these:
Steve Brown: I Can’t Stand the Rain – Ann Peebles
Slim Jim Baxter: Rain – The Beatles “What about this underrated Revolver-era Beatles b-side featuring one of the great Ringo performances?”
Derek Walmsley: It’s Raining Today – Scott Walker “The most beautiful song, which the legendary Scott Walker used to listen when he lived in Chiswick, pondering how you get seriously injured playing golf.\’
Simon Withers (With an Aussie twist”): It’s Raining Pleasure – Triffids, Spring Rain – The Go-Betweens
Simon Francis: Iron Sky – Mega City Four. “The chorus goes, ‘And the rain fell like bullets from a gun, And the sky came and swallowed up the Sun..’
@iucounu: Rainy Dayz – Raekwon (what an album that is).
“Ocean Colour Scene, The Day We Caught t’Rain,” offers @Smylers2 of Only Connect fiendishness. “(Am I doing this right?).”
I remember reading in NME, sometime in the mid-90s, that identity bracelets were in – and we knew this because Stevie Craddock had one. If anyone knows what he’s wearing now, I’d be glad to get ahead of the game.
@DanielHarris Rain: here's one I made earlier. https://t.co/6cJUzQ9PKO
— Tom King (@tallgeekychap) September 8, 2022
And while we’re here, I’m going to present my favourite single of the summer which has nothing to do with rain whatsoever, but in feel is its opposite: King Promise brings Ghana to the world with Chop Life.
And, while we’re here, his greatest effort:
Simon Law, meanwhile, offers us Missy Elliot’s The Rain (Supa Dupa Fly).
“Caught in the Rain by Preston School of Industry,” offers Thom Sherrington. “Classic.”
May I suggest this melancholy banger of a rain song from Astrud Gilberto,” asks Oliver Hall, or the ace remix by RJD2.”
“Rain songs,” begins Demian Stimson in Riihimäki, Finland. “Rain by Martin Stephenson and the Daintees.”
No one has sent me any cake. Aren’t we meant to talk about cake on occasions such as this? As it happens, I’d rank my treats thusly:
1. Crisps
2. Sweets
3. Chocolate
4. Biscuits
5. Cake
But cake is also good, and here’s a tip: to give fruity ones a little kick – lemon cake, victoria sponge and ilk – sprinkle a bit of sour sugar on the top.
“Hammering it down a couple of Northern Line stops to the south of the Oval,” tweets Andrew Howard. “And it’s dark.”
“It’s come in,” says Ian Ward, “and we’re pretty much surrounded.”
“It’s raining,” advises John Starbuck. “Here you go.”
I’m absolutely certain we’ve done a rain songs riff before, featuring Blind Melon, Buddy Holly, Bitty McLean, Bob Dylan, LTJ Bukem and others. But if anyone’s got owt good, let’s be having it.
Updated
We’ve missed a big shower but caught the edge of it, and it’s absolutely caning down. That will, I fear, put paid to the morning sesh, because of the time it’ll take to resolve an outfield that took a lot of water last night and was the reason we weren’t starting on time in the first place.
That being the case, we’ll have to talk amongst ourselves. I’ve recently changed the way I barbecue chicken drumsticks: previously, I’d marinade them in my chicken sauce, stick them in the rotisserie basket, done and done. But now, I’m brining them and rotissrising them, then dipping them in the sauce, finishing them off on the grill, and tossing them in the sauce. Wbu?
It's raining
But they’re not putting on the big cover, at least not yet. Any port in a storm, I guess.
Updated
Yup, the square is now under cover, which tells us the ground staff are expecting rain, which tells us there’ll probably be a mop-up operation afterwards. We’re struggling to get play before lunch, I reckon.
The umpires are in the middle and have covered the pitch – it looks like rain is imminent, and I can’t see how we start at 11.30.
It’s starting to get minging in norf London which, I acknowledge – nay declare – is not souf London. But we’ve got a problem, I think.
“Do you know the last time a team was put in at the Oval?” asks Matthew Doherty. “I think it must be one of the top bat first venues?”
Er, England put India in last summer. Here’s the full list.
Back to that South African team, they’ve tried to stiffen the batting order by inserting some all-rounders – I imagine they were feart of losing the toss – and given the likely on-off nature of the day, they might well need some extra runs.
Kevin Pietersen says he’d not mind batting on this track – he likes the bounce, which delivers wickets and runs – while Butcher says it might be a bit tacky. Both reckon it’ll rain soon.
Dean Elgar says it looks a decent pitch but might offer something first up. He’s without Rassie van der Dussen, who we knew was injured, but Lungi Ngidi also has a niggle, while Simon Harmer aand Aidan Markram are left out; Ryan Rickleton, Wiaan Mulder, Marco Jansen and Khaya Zondo come in.
Updated
Ben Stokes says his team have done well batting second this summer and also thinks that the pitch might offer some assistance. He’s sad for Jonny that he’s missing out, but notes that Harry Brook has fully earned the position in which he now finds himself. I can’t say there aren’t menacing-looking clouds over his shoulder.
England win the toss and will bowl!
Yup, of course they do.
Oh man, this is a classic Broadism: Asked about when he started pitching it up, he recalls being clunked through midwicket by Ricky Ponting, and Andy Flower telling him he may have gone for one an over but he didn’t threaten, and “Over time, my hate for getting left just grew”. Imagine how it must feel to be able to say that.
“It doesn’t seem all that long ago that Broad’s magic spell at Trent Bridge was talked of as ‘the three-day Test’,” says John Starbuck, “and everyone understood what it meant immediately. How times change.”
Don’t forget we lost more than half a day at Lord’s.
Not a big forecast/radar guy but feels like we have an absolute classic situation coming here: rain between toss and the start.
— Will Macpherson (@willis_macp) September 8, 2022
Oh, and he gives us the genesis of the celebrappeal – he clattered Hussey on the shin and went off as he does without waiting for the umpire’s finger. “Come on Billy,” he says, “Just give me that roar of the crowd that I’m after.”
Stuart Broad is talking about his spell at the Oval in 2009. It’s been a while since he hit that kind of seam – geddit?! – but there’s nothing like it – I was lucky enough to be at Chester-le-Street in 2013, and the sense of inevitability once he got going was amazing.
I really enjoyed this. Who is Brian Charles Lara (and yes, I typed that in Bob Willis’ voice).
“Filthy weather in Woking, hammering it down with dark skies,” tweets Sam Kelly. “That’ll probably be hitting The Oval round about when they’re due to start.”
Lovely stuff.
Mark Wood is out there having a bowl – that’s great to see. The reckon he’ll be good for the end of the Pakistan tour and flying for the T20 World Cup – what a reassuring thought that is.
I should also say that Marcus Trescothick presented James Anderson with a cap to mark his 175th Test. What a mind-boggling achievement that is.
Updated
Athers tells us that there’s a thigh pad which has been passed from Geoff Boycott to Martyn Moxon to Michael Vaughan – that’s lovely – and explains that it was Andrew Strauss who gave these moments the ceremonial aspect they now have. When he started, he was just tossed his gear, which he says was “lovely” too, but watching Brook posing for a family photo, it’s not hard to assume which is better. I do wonder if, especially for an batter called into action early doors, the amped-up momentousness might get in the road of the necessary equanimity, but otherwise, it’s great to see.
Sky just showed us Mark Butcher interviewing Harry Brook, who seems extremely focused and relaxed. The thing that struck me was him saying he’s been working for this forever, but not just him – his family have too. And they’re there in the circle to see him presented with his cap by Joe Root – I’ve not the foggiest how they’re holding it down, because I’m feeling emotional myself.
We'll have the toss at 11am, hoping to start at 11.30am
It seems unlikely we’ll get away without any stoppages today, but hopefully we’ll get all or most of our 90 overs.
Tell you what, it’s been yet another bazzing summer of Test-match cricketTM. The New Zealand series seems a long time ago now, but it'll always seem recent in our memories because it marked the start of a new era. Yes, England are playing differently, but the real change – to me at least – is the players accepting responsibility, not “for winning cricket matches” but for sustaining this thing of ours forever and beyond. For the last bit, this has been the mission of Virat Kohli, whose work in spreading joy and sharing love should not be neither underestimated nor forgotten, and it’s great to see others understand their role in the greater scheme of things.
Pitch inspection at 10.15
It’s dry and actually pretty sunny at the moment, but there was a load of rain overnight, so it’s not certain we’ll be able to start on time.
Preamble
It’s been a strange few weeks: two fun, interesting and talented teams, ostensibly well-matched – but only in the big picture, each having annihilated the other in less than three days. As such, we’ve had only half of the action for which we were hoping and are only getting three matches not four, so it feels like we’ve not really seen a series … but goodness gracious us, we’re set up for a helluva finish.
Er, if the weather allows it. Today and tomorrow do not look great, at all – who could possibly have predicted inclemence in the second week of September? – but we should, hopefully, have scope for a proper set-to.
Er, if the teams allow it. Both have suffered when batting in bowler-friendly conditions, partly because both have terrific attacks, and partly because both have unreliable top-orders. So the Summer of JonnyTM coming to an abrupt and unfortunate end is a problem for England, who’ve relied heavily on the ludicrous form of their cuddly ginger hedgehog, but as a consequence, Harry Brook now has the opportunity for which he’s been working his entire life; go well old mate.
As for South Africa, they’ve even fewer reliable batters than England, but in Dean Elgar have a captain with a proven record of accumulation who, depending on how you look at it, is either struggling or due. A lot rests on him – and not just at the crease. At Lord’s, he called correctly and made the correct call; at Old Trafford he called correctly and made the incorrect call. This time, though, given the time of year, likely conditions and state of the teams, it seems extremely unlikely that either will want to take first knock, which is to say that this series, already a metaphorical toss-up, may be a literal one too.
Play: 11am BST
