Dozens of men failed to stop an alleged gang rape at Cornell – here’s the misperception that keeps bystanders from intervening and how to short-circuit it

People may quash their own beliefs to fit in with what they think the group believes. Andrew Lichtenstein/Corbis News via Getty Images

As an undergrad student decades ago, I attended a dorm presentation describing the importance of giving and receiving sexual consent. The workshop leaders explained that if your partner said “no” or “stop” but you proceeded to have sex anyway, it was considered rape.

A high-profile athlete on campus raised his hand and said, in utter disbelief, “That can’t be right. By that definition, everyone I’ve ever had sex with I’ve raped.”