A woman was left 'embarrassed and choked up' after an M&S staff member allegedly shooed her away from using the disabled toilets and later misgendered her.
Tay Beales, 22, was shopping at an M&S store on Exeter High Street with her girlfriend, Freya, at around 2pm on Tuesday, May 17, DevonLive reports. Tay, who suffers from epilepsy, wanted to use the disabled toilet but a member of staff told her she was not allowed.
The staff member allegedly told Tay, from Devon, she was "not disabled", and later ushered her into the men's loo - even though she is a woman. Tay said she felt "choked up" and was "trying not to cry" after the incident left her upset and embarrassed.
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Tay said: "Freya went into the ladies toilet and the M&S woman was standing in front of the disabled toilet and so I opened the handle and she said: 'No, no, no, you're not going in there. You're not disabled'. I said to her I am disabled, I have epilepsy, a sign on the door even said that 'not every disability is visible'.
"Then she told me 'no, you need to go in there' and shooed me into the men's like cattle. I didn't know that I was going into the men's at this point. I got in there and there was a man having a wee.
"I felt uncomfortable and walked back out and went into the ladies toilet. This staff member then saw me again and said 'no you need to go to the disabled' and again, shooed me out the ladies loo like cattle. In the moment it wasn't that I was angry; I felt upset and embarrassed.
"I was trying not to cry. When I was trying to explain what happened I was choked up."
Speaking to DevonLive, Tay's girlfriend Freya said that she was using the toilet when the incident took place, but claims she caught a customer gossiping with the staff member when she came out. Freya said: "I could hear the customer talking to the employee and the customer said 'I can't believe you have let a man into the toilet'.
"The staff member then said 'She's not a man and I didn't know where to put her, she said she's disabled but she's not'. The customer started asking if she thought Tay was a man or a woman and then I intervened."
In utter disbelief, Freya and Tay went to speak with another member of staff to complain. Tay said: "We went and spoke to a manager who apologised. It was only after we told the manager that we were going to make a formal complaint, did they take my contact details. I don't think the manager took the incident seriously."
Freya said: "It was embarrassing, we had to explain everything that had happened on the shop floor in front of customers. It's no employee's place to decide whether or not anyone has a disability or whether a customer is a man or a woman.
"I think it's awful that a brand that represents different disabilities and pride and all of these campaigns, hasn't taken it seriously, especially face-to-face. There was no reassurance that the problem was going to be dealt with."
Tay added: "The whole thing was contradicting, as there was a sign on the door to say not all disabilities are visible. We are in 2022 and I want people to be more aware of this.
"I just felt really rubbish. The toilets were full, so everyone must have heard it. And then I had to go and explain it all downstairs so more people heard what had happened.
"We won't be going back to M&S in a hurry. I've put a post on TikTok about it and people have been very supportive, unless the staff at M&S are going to change and be more open, why would we want to?"
Freya finished: "We went in there to buy homeware for our new home but we left empty-handed and feeling embarrassed."
Following the incident, a spokesperson for M&S said: "We have a zero tolerance approach to discrimination across M&S and we always work to ensure that our stores are welcoming for everyone. We are very sorry that Tay’s experience did not meet the high standards of customer service that we set for ourselves, and for the upset that this caused. We have spoken today with Tay to apologise directly and she has accepted a gesture of apology.”
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