Aaron Lee and his partner did all the usual classes and workshops to prepare for the birth of their first child, but he said the reality still came as a shock.
"I found none of [the preparation] really helped," Mr Lee said.
"It was all a bit kind of theoretical, and there was a lot more blood and running around and bodily fluids than I was expecting.
"A lot more screaming."
Afterwards, Mr Lee was troubled by the feelings of powerlessness he experienced during his wife's childbirth.
As one of only a few parents in his friend group, he struggled to find a safe space to talk about it.
"I didn't want to call the helpline," Mr Lee said.
"I just wanted something casual, like a casual space that I could go to and talk with other dads."
Mr Lee decided to create the space he wanted to be a part of, founding a mental health golf group called Dads in the Rough.
He met his first member, Dan Kohlman, at a mother's group, where they found common ground through their love of golf and their experiences as new fathers.
"It's been really good that Aaron has started this up," Mr Kohlman said.
"And we've had a few chats out on — I wouldn't say the fairway, but in the trees — with a few other dads as well.
"And there's been actually a lot of guys that have come through that have had similar experiences."
Social support reduces isolation
Dr Rakime Elmir, a senior lecturer in the School of Nursing and Midwifery at Western Sydney University, has studied the impact that witnessing childbirth can have on men.
"Being a midwife for more than two decades … in my experience we have had fathers collapse in the labour room and birth room," Dr Elmir said.
Her research found that witnessing birth complications or difficult childbirths could cause immediate and long-term anxiety and stress.
"Fathers were unprepared for the unexpected event of having an adverse outcome and feared for the lives of the infants and partners," Dr Elmir said.
"They often turn to their peers as a form of social support.
"When that wasn't available, that is when fathers bottled some of those feelings up and then those symptoms of anxiety and depression crept in."
Dr Elmir said her research found that social support helped to ensure men did not feel isolated in their experiences, adding that men also experienced post-natal depression.
She said there were more services to support new fathers now than in the past but additional resources were still needed.
Dr Elmir and her colleagues are developing videos and pamphlets to normalise fathers talking about their experiences and seeking support.
She is also doing a new study on fathers from culturally diverse backgrounds, with her interviews so far suggesting a theme that they felt unprepared for childbirth and early parenting.
"When we support fathers, what we're doing is we're also sending a strong message of them needing to support their partners, and also the infants," Dr Elmir said.
"They have a really big role in maternal wellbeing and also infant wellbeing and also mental health later on."
Group looks to expand
Since Mr Lee started the group around the beginning of 2023, he said there had been an overwhelming response from other dads wanting to join the group.
He hopes to keep expanding Dads in the Rough to run tournaments and secure funding to make the group more accessible to more men by reducing financial barriers.
"I want to get a few extra sets of clubs, which I can lend out to dads, maybe from more disadvantaged backgrounds and maybe get them out playing golf as well," Mr Lee said.
