If there was a sandwich named after you, what would be on it?
A salad roll from a country bakery. It has to be a country bakery. I’m infuriated by what has happened to inner-city bakeries. So a classic country bakery, which was my first job as well: it’s got pies, it’s got salad rolls, but it also has cakes and fresh bread. They’re the greatest things in the whole world.
It has to be freshly made on a white roll – no tomato, makes it too soggy, but onion, carrot, maybe even beetroot and sometimes maybe chicken … some seeded mustard and cheese too. But I mean, this is the thing: the Celia, it’s Choose Your Own Adventure, because it ceases to be my favourite sandwich if it’s pre-made. So it can be whatever you want it to be, but it needs to be made fresh in front of your face in a country bakery, with way too much butter on it. They always put too much butter on it.
Who is the most famous person in your phone?
Luke McGregor is my best friend, and he’s my go-to in terms of a famous person that I would text to get to do videos for other people. Sam Pang is another one. He’s helped me out a bunch of times, because – this is a secret about Sam Pang, he presents as a real shithead but he can actually be quite a nice guy. I’ve known him for a long time, and I love him dearly, and he has helped me out of a number of awkward situations – like when I’m stuck at a wedding where I don’t know anyone, and having people come up, and they’re always a big fan of Sam, and I’m like, ‘“Let’s call him! Let’s text him! Let’s get a video from Sam!’” And I text him like, ‘“Mate, can you just send me something so I’ve got conversation?”’
What is the most chaotic thing that’s happened while taping Thank God You’re Here?
I’d say the most chaotic thing that happened last season was just Ross Noble. He is incredible – you know, the ensemble did such a great job being in the scene … One having to not laugh, that’d be so hard, they have to be right up close to it. They’re the eye of the storm – of the funny tornado – and have to not laugh. But also Ross is just … how do I describe him? Like a tropical fish just bouncing around.
Who would you cast as you in the movie about your life?
Ooh. Two things. The coolest person in the world is Claudia Karvan, who I love so much. That’d be cool – and she’s Australian, and a very good actor. But then people have told me that I look a lot like Kelly MacDonald, the Scottish actress who was in Trainspotting, and she’s very cool as well, so maybe her.
I’ve also been often mistaken for Kate Box. To the point where it was such a thing that I was cast in an episode of Rake as her sister, just because I met the writer, who was like: “You look so much like Kate, this will be a bit of fun.”
Once – and this very rarely happens – I got sent a package from a fan with a bunch of photos of me asking for me to sign them and send them back. And, in this package, one of the photos was of Kate Box. Honest mistake.
What animal do you most relate to?
My favourite animal is the otter. I just love them. They’re so cute, and they float around, they hold hands and they lie on their back a lot. But I would say squirrel in that I actually like getting things from a place, particularly food, bringing it home and eating it in the dark. I like to do squirrel things. I like to have a thing out in the world, but I don’t really enjoy it unless I bring it home and have it in my house.
Have you ever had a cringe-worthy run-in with a celebrity?
All the time. Not in a huge way, just cringe.
I had one with Courtney Act. I met her at, I think, a Halloween party in LA. Luke and I were there very briefly, and I might have been a bit – what do they call it, “Tired and emotional” – and was so like, “Oh my God, I’m such a fan. Blah, blah, blah, blah!” And I recognised the terror in their eyes, and sort of tried to cover it with like, “No, it’s OK! I’m Australian!”
Do you have any party tricks?
I used to be able to cry on cue. It’s not really a party vibe though.
I guess my party trick is I’m really good at agreeing with people. I try, really try not to be divisive. I feel like I’m a good guest. I’m a very paranoid guest, I want to make sure that I’m not overstepping. I’ll go out of my way to, I don’t know, not piss on the floors.
What app do you think you should delete from your phone?
I don’t know, but a blue one. This is a very first-world problem, but too many of my apps are blue. I get confused.
Oh, there’s one that I should delete, which is the burp and fart piano. I refuse to get rid of it, because you never know when you’re gonna need that.
What’s the strangest thing that you are keeping in your fridge right now?
My partner just did a big fridge clean-up and I know this because he went, “Hey, you want some cream cheese?” and then came over to show me a living mould monster.
Let me have a look. [Opens fridge] How do we have – we have three different jars of capers. I reckon the last time we had capers was before we moved in. Three jars. They’re all open.
What’s your most controversial opinion?
I think croissants are overrated. I will eventually work on standup about this. Do you think that’s a shocking opinion?
I do.
Big Croissant is in the pocket of every cafe in Australia – at least in Melbourne. If you go to any cafe, they have banana bread and croissants as the standard, and then maybe something else weird, like a fruit danish. It’s infuriating because there’s never anything in the middle, they’re all too bad. Banana bread is cake, and a croissant is – well, it’s messy and it’s oily, and I wish it wasn’t the standard.
I’m not trying to take croissants out of the hands of people who want them. Go for it. But mix it up, add something else. What is that thing? I don’t know.
Thank God You’re Here starts on 10 and 10 Play on Wednesday 14 August, 7.30pm
