Newsflash: I finally understand that confidence has nothing to do with my outer appearance and everything to do with how I feel inside. Late to the party, I know. I bet you’d already sussed that lousy hair days or, shock horror, eyeliner gone wrong (damn those hard-to-master liquid eyeliner flicks) needn’t matter any more; it’s how you feel as you step outside in the fresh air or hug a friend that counts. Cynical when it comes to “trending hashtags” and quotes on how to “find your inner confidence by lighting a candle”, I have, over the past few weeks, grappled with the notion that where there’s a trope, there’s a smidgen of truth.
Who cares about bad hair days? Not me, given I have crappy hair for roughly 50% of my life. A good day for me now constitutes having enough power in the tank to parent, see a friend after work, walk the dog, raise a smile – and sometimes a glass or two.
If you’d mentioned this seemingly low-bar daily confidence goal to 40-year-old me, she’d be rolling her eyes, horrified, having spent a lifetime running around trying to be the perfect friend, host, mother, employee. The 40-year-old me, with her two young children to look after, a husband, dog, cat and a house on the edge of a pretty park, was still hell-bent on keeping up appearances. Yet beneath the veneer, I had very little confidence at all.
Despite not understanding the meaning of true confidence in the way I do now, I’d say I functioned pretty well – and then, last October, I crashed. I sometimes wonder if it was coincidental that, after the stress of writing a book, menopause came along and dragged me into the boxing ring for a fight that, for a long time, I couldn’t imagine I’d ever win.
Could stress be connected to my depleted hormones? I’ll never know, nor does it matter any more. Still, I will say this: after entering the hormonal boxing ring with menopause, and losing every single fight therein, by Christmas 2023, I was an anxious husk of a woman I barely recognised. Having gained circa 16lb (bear with me – there’s good news at the end of this tunnel of menopause gloom), and with depleted energy reserves, I was forced to journey inward like I’d never done before. If five years of therapy fixed my head, now it was time to fix my body.
Given that every woman reacts differently to menopause, you’ll have your own story to tell but for me, and several women I’m close to, the boxing match lasted just short of a year. As soon as I was able to acknowledge I was in menopause – a fact that may have been glaringly obvious to others but, to me, was a grieving process I had to come to terms with – everything else began to fall into place.
I sought out treatment in the form of HRT, and also started adapting and changing my lifestyle. Browsing the Menopause Your Way hub at QVC, I added vitamins to my daily routine, and actually took them, unlike in previous years when they’d have rotted at the back of a cupboard. The ones that caught my eye were the SkinSense Menopause Support gummies and I really liked the look of the BetterYou B12 Boost oral spray too.
Eventually, I grew kinder to myself, which is when the real magic began to happen. For most of my life, thanks to caring too much what people (men?) thought of me, a part of me has been locked away, denied and hidden. Then came along this radical confidence makeover (no liquid eyeliner required) and, finally, I believe women when they say: “It’s marvellous being older and in menopause; I couldn’t give a damn what anyone thinks of me any more.” Previously, I’d assumed older women in the media were making up such quotes to promote whatever film/book/product they may be involved with.
I am delighted to say that when the boxing match ended, and the “ding ding” of the bell rang out, it wasn’t the current me on the floor but an old, outmoded version. By saying goodbye to my fertile years, I’ve been able to step into a new era – one where confidence reigns and priorities are adjusted. In embracing this newfound confidence, I don’t mind if I’m too … [insert whichever sexist adjective you fancy, but, for argument’s sake, let’s go with] “extra”. I’m doing menopause my way. And so, ladies, should you.
For advice from leading experts on how to navigate your menopause, alongside curated products specially designed to ease your symptoms, discover Menopause Your Way at QVC
