Brenda Edwards was in tears as she recalled being with her late son Jamal when he died.
The musical theatre star and Loose Women panelist, 48, appeared in her first TV interview today since her son Jamal's death in February.
Speaking to Coleen Nolan, she was asked how she was doing and she replied: "I'm doing OK... I'm taking each day as it comes."
Recalling the day he died, Brenda said: "The one thing that I do want to say is I was with him and his sister was with us, we were all at home. It was sudden and it was unexpected and he went into cardiac arrest. Then he passed with me holding his hand, so I get a little bit of comfort from knowing I was with him.”
"As much as that is comfort, at the same time, it’s a vision that I’m never going to forget."
Brenda revealed that she has a bedtime routine dedicated to her son that "keeps her going".
"When I wake up every morning - all of his photos are still obviously in the house - and I look at him and say, ‘Good morning, baby’ and ‘Good night, baby’.
"And I think doing that is what’s keeping me going. He always had this lovely, bright smile, just used to light up. He had this funny laugh. I feel his presence constantly and I know I’ve always been somebody who has faith and who believes in that and that has been a massive comfort to me.”
Brenda said that she had felt "overwhelmed" over the sheer volume of support they had received in the wake of Jamal's death and that they were "so grateful".
Jamal left instructions for his mum in the tragic event that he would die on how to take over his charities and businesses - and even had instructions for his funeral.
"I was glad to get that instruction from him," Brenda explained. "He wanted Luton to be involved, he wanted Chelsea to be involved... he had a blue and white theme.
"It was beautiful."
Opening up about the day of his funeral, Brenda said: "When we laid him to rest, it was really beautiful. We looked up into the sky and there was a J - the clouds had formed a J. A friend took a picture of it.”
Speaking of Jamal's legacy, she said: "He said, ‘We all die, the goal is not to live forever but to create something that will.’ And I believe he has created something that will and I’m determined to make sure that it will. That’s my goal.”
Jamal was the founder of the online urban music platform SB.TV and his work in the music industry led him to become friends with several celebs - including Ed Sheeran, Will.i.am, Professor Green and Rio Ferdinand.
Following his death, Brenda penned a statement and shared it with Good Morning Britain, which was read out live on air by Susanna Reid.
"It is with the deepest heartache that I confirm that my beautiful son Jamal Edwards passed away yesterday morning after a sudden illness. Myself, his sister Tanish and the rest of his family and friends are completely devastated. He was the centre of our world," she shared.
She continued: "As we come to terms with his passing, we ask for privacy to grieve this unimaginable loss. I would like to thank everyone for their messages of love and support.
"Jamal was an inspiration to myself and so many. Our love for him lives on, his legacy lives on. Long live Jamal Edwards MBE, MBA, PHD."
A string of Brenda's Loose Women stars paid tribute to Jamal and vowed to support her, with Denise Welch writing: "My heart aches for my friend Brenda. I can’t bear it. Jamal Edwards was a wonderful son and brother [sad face emojis]."
Charlene White shared: "Your light shone so brightly that it touched so many of us, impacted the lives of many more, and changed the game forever. And, you are my Brenda’s son. There are no words to describe her heartbreak, our heartbreak, now that your light has gone. Sometimes life is terribly unfair."
"I have just heard the heartbreaking news that @jamaledwards has died," Saira Khan penned, "I am devastated for @brendaedwardsglobal and send her and her whole family my prayers and deepest sympathies. I met @jamaledwards whilst filming a children's show and was struck by his humility and passion to help kids to believe in their talents."
*Loose Women airs weekdays at 12.30pm on ITV
