Welcome back to FTW’s Beverage of the Week series. Here, we mostly chronicle and review beers, but happily expand that scope to any beverage that pairs well with sports. Yes, even cookie dough whiskey.
I’ve been on a run of canned cocktails lately in this column. One of the things I’ve learned is that I prefer simplicity. Add too many ingredients, no matter how good they are, and you wind up with an overstuffed drink that doesn’t quite taste like anything.
Then came Bluebird Hardwater to put that to the test. Bluebird is … minimal. Their cocktails are just spirit and water. Ultra purified water, specifically, but yeah. No carbonation. No sugar or flavoring. Just whiskey and water. Or vodka and water. Or tequila and water.
The end result is an incredibly basic idea, targeted toward people who thought the 100 calories and fruit flavors of High Noon’s vodka sodas were excessive. Bluebird Hardwater clocks in at four percent ABV and 78 calories. And, for a whiskey drinker like myself, it’s an intriguing conceit.
It turns out, the label on the can gives way to zero surprises within. Here’s how Bluebird Hardwater tastes.
Whiskey + Water: C
The first sip … yep, that’s whiskey and water. It tastes like a mid-tier bourbon, sprinkled over uncarbonated Liquid Death. The booze element makes it feel like it should clock in much higher than its four percent ABV. I understand the goal here is the lowest calorie count possible, but if we’re already venturing into a liquor-centric cocktail it would be nice to get a little more alcohol out of the transaction.
Bluebird opts against carbonation, which is the right move for a basic mix like this — bubbles and bourbon would be too weird for me. It is, interestingly, easier to drink and feels more refreshing out of the can rather than poured over ice.
But ultimately it feels hollow. It’s hard to sip it and feel like you’re getting anything other than the last lingering remnants of a rocks glass that once held bourbon over ice. It’s not strong enough for liquor drinkers or flavorful enough to get after the hard seltzer or other canned cocktail market. I’m not sure who this is for, but I don’t think it’s me.
Vodka + Water: C-
And like its predecessor, it tastes just like the can suggests. A little bit of vodka, a lot of water, end of list. It’s thinner and easier to drink than the last bit of a rocks glass, but it still feels as though something’s missing. Like adding a Crystal Light packet and an extra shot to each can would make for a pretty good mash-up (and, almost certainly, one hell of a hangover).
That said, the alcohol involved doesn’t taste cheap or inauthentic. Bluebird delivers what it advertises; vodka and water in a low-calorie canned cocktail. It’s not hard to drink and finishes clean. I’m also wildly skeptical you could earn a hangover slurping these, but please do not test my theory.
The good news is if you’re looking for Whiskey or Vodka Lite this is going to hit that exact standard. The bad news is that’s not me. If I want bourbon, I’m pouring myself a glass at 10 times the ABV and significantly more flavor. If I want a low-calorie canned cocktail I’m going to opt for something more complex and at least a little sweeter.
That leaves Bluebird Hardwater between two ends of the spectrum. So if you’re looking to wedge between a hard cocktail and a low-alcohol, low calorie alternative, well, turns out you can get it in a can now.
