This is not Beauty or the Beast as we know them: Belle is an aspiring artist who has no time for love and the Beast, before his transformation, wants to be a singer. They convene with other wannabes at a theatrical talent show in hope to become the next big thing and seem to be getting somewhere until a jealous magician begins performing his dark arts.
It is always refreshing to have a new take on an old story but Andrew Pollard’s “theatrical reframing” is lumbering in its plotline and too obvious in its imagination: because we are in Paris there is a flower-seller in a beret and Dame Sarah Sew-n-Sew wears a dress made of baguettes, while there is a lacklustre rendition of Bros’s When Will I Be Famous? by the fame-hungry characters.
Belle (Amiyah Goodall) is little more than a bit part in the first act when she hangs around with barely any lines. Beau (Ben Boskovic) becomes the Beast an hour into the show and resembles The Wizard of Oz’s cowardly lion but doesn’t feel central either. It is Sew-n-Sew (Terence Frisch) who dominates the stage in what seems like a painfully protracted standup act with the weakest of jokes. None of the comedy lands as a whole, including the smutty jokes for the adults.
Under the direction of James Williams, it is admirable to see a full-scale pantomime with just seven actors and there is a helter-skelter, music-hall feel to the show which might have been winning. But the performances are flat, unassured or off-key (literally in some songs) while the choreography is basic and the songs too quiet or slow. PK Taylor, an understudy for the magician, Déjà Vu, is the strongest performer, even with script in hand.
The energy picks up in the second half but it also begins to veer into a pantomime version of Phantom of the Opera. Bizarrely, the best costume change comes as actors take their bows which brings an energetic medley of songs. As the show carries on for too long after the story has ended with singalongs and audience interaction, for some of us the Christmas spirit of good cheer wears thin.
At Watford Palace theatre until 31 December.