I’ll leave you with Ben Fisher’s report from Villa Park. Ta-ra.
Still want more? Bet you do. Join Daniel Harris for West Ham v Chelsea.
Full time: Aston Villa 4-0 Everton
Peep peep! Aston Villa were far too good for Everton, whose collective morale took a one-way trip to the basement during the 90 minutes. John McGinn, Douglas Luiz, Leon Bailey and Jhon Duran got the goals, and it could have been more.
Everton also lost Dominic Calvert-Lewin and Alex Iwobi to what look like medium-term injuries. But the poverty of their performance – the last two goals were grim – shouldn’t overshadow a thrilling attacking display from Villa. They are going places. Everton look set for another long season.
90+8 min: Everton substitution Tyler Onyango replaces Abdoulaye Doucoure.
90+4 min Free-kick to Everton on the right wing. Garner overhits it and Martinez claims with ease.
90+3 min Corner to Everton. No.
90 min There will be nine minutes of added time, same as in the first half.
89 min Archer is booked for a foul on Danjuma, who has quietly had a good game in a palpably lost cause. Every cloud and all that.
86 min Patterson is booked for… well who cares at this point.
85 min: Villa substitution Coutinho is helped off the field. He can barely put any weight on the ground. It looked like Garner kneed him in the back of the thigh.
Cameron Archer replaces him.
84 min Coutinho is in pain after a late challenge from Garner (I think). This doesn’t look great either, and could affect a possible transfer before the end of the month.
83 min “Can’t beat a 6-2, Rob!” says Simon McMahon. “1 January 2015 or 30 August 2019, take your pick!”
82 min Danjuma, whose lively performance as substitute is about the only positive for Everton, hits another shot that deflects just wide of the far post.
80 min “Thanks for the match highlights from 1989 (58 min)!” says Joe Pearson. “Gotta love the short shorts. To be fair, Villa did finish 2nd that season, but a shellacking is still a shellacking.”
Live games were an event in those days and I remember that match vividly. It was the first time I really became aware of David Platt, who was in the process of taking a shortcut from anonymity to a World Cup semi-final. That game was also when Villa’s unlikely title challenge really started to gather momentum, because Everton were a much-fancied side.
It was another wretched goal to concede. Young’s throw-in towards the last defender Keane was intercepted by Duran, who knocked it past Keane and ran through on goal. Pickford came out and Duran calmly slipped the ball past him with his left foot. It’s his first goal for Villa.
GOAL! Aston Villa 4-0 Everton (Duran 75)
Told you Jhon Duran was exciting: he’s scored with his first touch!
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74 min: Aston Villa substitution The exciting Colombian teenager Jhon Duran replaces Ollie Watkins.
73 min McGinn arrows a fantastic crossfield pass to Konsa, whose slightly heavy touch allows Danjuma to intercept. With a better touch, Konsa might have been through on goal.
71 min It’s been a dreadful day for Everton although, as Gary Naylor said before kick off, the next two league games – Wolves at home, Sheff Utd away – should give us a better idea of how much bother they are in. Don’t give them the Premier League Crisis Baton™ yet, is what I’m saying.
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68 min Villa have switched to three at the back since Diego Carlos came on. And why not.
67 min A deft layoff from Watkins is collected by Coutinho, who shoots straight at Pickford from 22.47 yards.
66 min The 4.30pm game is West Ham v Chelsea. Daniel Harris has the team news for that one.
64 min: Triple substitution for Villa With the midweek Europa Conference League trip to Edinburgh in mind, Unai Emery brings on Youri Tielemans, Diego Carlos and Philippe Coutinho for Douglas Luiz, Leon Bailey (who seems okay) and Moussa Diaby.
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62 min Bailey stays down after a strong but fair(ish) challenge from Tarkowski in the area. The fact Tarkowski got a touch on the ball should, in this context, preclude any VAR involvement.
61 min “McGinn is a seriously good player, Rob,” writes Simon McMahon. “With all respect to Villa - they have been excellent for a while now - I feel he still goes slightly under the radar, and could easily play for a ‘bigger’ club. I know statistics don’t tell the whole story, but he has 16 goals in 56 appearances for Scotland, a far better strike rate in international football than Beckham, Scholes, Gerrard, Giggs among others, and almost identical to Robson, Lampard and, indeed, Zidane.”
I agree he’s underrated. I think a lot of people still see him as a ballwinner, which is a load of nonsense.
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60 min: Fine save by Martinez! Young’s deep corner is met by the unmarked Maupay, who slams a volley from eight yards that is superbly saved to his right by Martinez.
59 min Danjuma gets round the back on the left but then overhits his cross. He has looked pretty sharp since coming on.
58 min Now look, it could be worse.
56 min: Watkins misses a great chance. This could get very ugly. Diaby, who has again been impressive, runs at a backpedalling defence and slides a lovely through ball into the path of Watkins. He screws a first-time shot back across the outrushing Pickford but gets a bit too much on it and it rolls wide of the far post.
56 min “After that goal,” says Joe Pearson, “it appears today’s impostor is Disaster. Sorry, Mary and Gary.”
Don’t forget Stephen Carr.
53 min Danjuma shoots well wide from the edge of the area. Some Everton fans are already leaving.
Digne took a quick throw-in on the left, hurling it into the Everton area. It bounced awkwardly in front of Keane, whose miserable attempted clearance – a kind of half-arsed karate kick - went straight to Bailey 12 yards out. He allowed the ball to run across his body and drove it through the legs of Pickford. The Everton defence was asleep.
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GOAL! Aston Villa 3-0 Everton (Bailey 51)
Good lord, this is an awful goal to concede.
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50 min Kamara’s long-range shot hits Tarkowski and goes over the bar. Before Villa take the corner, Neal Maupay replaces the injured Alex Iwobi.
49 min Saying which, Iwobi is down and looks a bit disconsolate. I think he’s pulled his left hamstring.
48 min Nothing ro report so far. Dobbin has started on the left wing for Everton, with Iwobi moving to the right.
46 min Peep peep! Everton begin the second half.
Half-time substitution for Everton The young forward Lewis Dobbin replaces Idrissa Gueye.
Half time: Aston Villa 2-0 Everton
An emphatic first-half performance from Aston Villa, who lead through a volley from John McGinn and a penalty from Douglas Luiz. They’ve been great; Everton – who lost poor Dominic Calvert-Lewin with a cheekbone injury – have not.
45+9 min And now Gueye is booked for a poor lunge at McGinn.
45+4 min Watkins rolls Keane, who pulls him back and is booked.
45+1 min: Good save from Martinez! Patterson screws an ingenious through pass to Danjuma, who hammers a low shot from a tight angle that hits Martinez and goes behind for a corner.
45 min Nine added minutes. Yep.
42 min It’s easy to talk about Everton's shortcomings, but Villa have played some exhilarating stuff. Bailey, Diaby, Digne and McGinn have all looked so sharp.
41 min “I feel this is Everton’s year,” says Tony Hughes. “As a long time Villa fan, I know only too well that you can only circle the gaping maw of the Championship for so long before it pulls you in. You become one of those ‘three teams worse than us’ teams. It feels like it’s inevitable for Everton.”
I think they’ll be okay if Dyche stays at the club. If Luton and Sheffield United go down – fairly or not, most people think they will – Everton only need to finish above one other team.
39 min Pau Torres misses a great chance, flicking a header across goal rather than towards it after another terrific cross from Digne. Watkins managed to reach the ball on the stretch at the far post but he couldn’t divert it on target.
The flag went up after the event, though I’m not sure whether the offside was before or after Torres’s header.
37 min: Everton substitution Calvert-Lewin’s face has started to swell after that collision with Martinez, so he has been replaced by Arnaut Danjuma. It doesn’t count as a concussion substitute. But it does look like he has done serious damage to his cheekbone. The poor guy cannot catch a break.
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35 min This would be Villa’s eighth consecutive league win at VIlla Park.
34 min: Diaby hits the post! Villa are playing some blistering stuff. McGinn swaggers away from Gueye on the left and releases the overlapping Digne. He arcs a beautiful first-time cross towards Diaby, who smashes an acrobatic volley that is pushed onto the inside of the post by the diving Pickford. That’s a very good save, and it would have been an even better goal.
33 min Digne is booked for a tactical foul on Garner.
31 min Iwobi makes good ground down the left, but his cross goes straight into Martinez’s hands. On the evidence of the first half an hour, Everton won’t be breaking any xG records this week. Actually, they might, but not in a good way.
28 min Villa are running riot. Bailly surges into the area, chops past Gueye and slides a square ball to Douglas Luiz. He eschews the shot and touches it over to Diaby, whose low shot is saved to his right by Pickford. That was a decent chance.
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27 min After 26 minutes, there is a minute’s applause for Michael Jones, the Everton supporter who died tragically at the site of Everton’s new stadium.
26 min “Afternoon Rob,” weeps Stephen Carr. “That was a very nice goal scored by a very good player. Everton appear to be playing midfielders in midfield positions but they don’t actually seem to be able to perform any of the required functions of that role.”
GOAL! Aston Villa 2-0 Everton (Douglas Luiz 24)
A fine penalty from Douglas Luiz. Pickford went the right way, to his left, but Douglas Luiz slapped it right into the corner.
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24 min Pickford is booked for timewasting before the penalty.
A cross from the right was headed down towards Watkins in the six-yard box. Pickford flew towards him fist-first, didn’t get the ball and then ran into Watkins. It probably didn’t affect Watkins’ shot, which was cleared off the line, but that doesn’t matter.
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PENALTY TO VILLA! Watkins’ shot is cleared off the line by Patterson – but he was clattered by Pickford just after getting the shot away, and Anthony Taylor has given the penalty.
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21 min McGinn runs at Patterson to win a corner for Villa, who are starting to dominate this game.
That’s a pretty good goal. Diaby ran at the Everton defence and found Bailey on the right side of the area. He swerved neatly away from Young, got to the byline and screwed a cutback into the six-yard box. McGinn arrived late to sidefoot a volley into the net.
GOAL! Aston Villa 1-0 Everton (McGinn 18)
John McGinn gives Villa the lead!
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14 min The Everton defence have made a confident start. Young moves forward and is pulled back by Douglas Luiz, who is rightly booked.
13 min Diaby releases Bailey on the right side of the area. Bailey tries to return it to Diaby instead of shooting, and the pass goes astray.
12 min He’s going to continue.
12 min Actually Calvert-Lewin is bleeding slightly, and he looks pretty groggy as he gets to his feet.
11 min Calvert-Lewin is still down, though he’s conscious and not bleeding. I don’t think it was a clash of heads, but he might have taken Martinez’s shoulder in the face.
10 min Martinez and Calvert-Lewin stay down after a hefty collision. This doesn’t look great for Calvert-Lewin.
8 min Watkins moves into the area from the left and stabs the ball back to Diaby, who shoots over from inside the D.
7 min “Good morning,” writes Mary Waltz. “Finished watching the glorious World Cup final (gutted for the Lionesses) took a morning walk, put on my black hoodie, read Jonathan Wilson’s accurate but thoroughly depressing article. I am now hunkering down for the long march to 40 points and safety. I am starting slowly with my hopes. A goal, a simple bloody goal. Is that too much to ask? Sigh.”
5 min Douglas Luiz goes down after receiving a hand in the face from Doucoure. He’s fine. Villa have made a fast start, as you’d expect given their brilliant home form at the back end of last season.
2 min The second corner is cleared.
2 min The corner is taken short to McGinn on the edge of the area. He beats Gueye and floats a chip that hits Tarkowski and goes behind for another corner.
1 min Villa win a corner after 12 seconds, with Digne’s shot deflected behind by Garner.
1 min Peep peep! Villa kick off from right to left as we watch.
If you’d like to follow reaction to England’s World Cup final defeat, we have just the place for you.
“There’s taking each game as it comes and there’s Wolves and Sheffield United up next for Everton,” says Gary Naylor. “I hope DCL is not the difference between a 2-1 defeat and a 2-0 defeat today, at a cost of three weeks out. PS I’m relatively optimistic as Evertonians go.”
And we’ll be hearing from Mary Waltz shortly.
Team news
Both teams make one change from last weekend. Pau Torres replaces Tyrone Mings – who is probably out for the season – in the Villa defence. He’ll be up against Dominic Calvert-Lewin, who is in for Neal Maupay.
Aston Villa (possible 4-2-2-2) Martinez; Cash, Konsa, Pau, Digne; Kamara, Douglas Luiz; Bailey, McGinn; Diaby, Watkins.
Substitutes: Olsen, Marschall, Diego Carlos, Chambers, Tielemans, Traore, Coutinho, Duran, Archer.
Everton (possible 4-2-3-1) Pickford; Patterson, Keane, Tarkowski, Young; Gueye, Onana; Garner, Doucoure, Iwobi; Calvert-Lewin.
Substitutes: Virginia, Mykolenko, Godfrey, Branthwaite, Onyango, Maupay, Danjuma, Cannon, Dobbin.
Referee Anthony Taylor.
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Preamble
Aston Villa v Everton is the most played fixture in English football history, and Everton would very much like to keep it that way. Both teams had a false start last weekend and would literally love nothing more than to literally get their first point(s) of the season today.
While it was no great surprise that Villa were beaten by Newcastle, few people envisaged a 5-1 shellacking. Everton put a perverse new spin on an old problem by blowing up the xG computer in their 1-0 defeat at home to Fulham.
There’s nothing to worry about for Villa, who have made a number of shrewd signings and could again upset the Big Seven, or BS for short.
There’s always something to worry about at Everton, though Sean Dyche handles Kipling’s impostors better than most and feels like the perfect man for such an arduous job. While he’s in charge, Everton should keep on meeting Villa twice a season.
Kick off 2pm.
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