Dear Anna,
I'm a middle school teacher in my 20s and my love life has taken a backseat to my career thus far. But I still want to have a life. Everyone's telling me to get on OkCupid and Tinder and other dating sites, but I'm afraid that my students will find me online. Am I doomed to online spinsterhood, or is there some way to keep my profile age appropriate and still sexy? — Tech Enabling Apps Can Help?
Dear TEACH,
I sincerely hope your middle school students are not on Tinder. All the major dating apps (Tinder, OkCupid, Grindr, Bumble, Hinge, etc.) have age limits that start at 18. That said, even with official company policies around age, younger users can still easily create profiles with fake older ages. But, as age limits are difficult to enforce, we don’t have reliable data on how many profiles belong to underage users.
A workaround is to set the age range of potential matches to be on the higher side. You don’t say your exact age, but picking a range that’s at least five years older than you or more might be advantageous and curb some of the age fakery that goes on online. You could also give a different first name or obscure a few key details about your life that might give you away — if you have a visible, easily identifiable tattoo, consider covering it for dating profile photos.
I’d also like to add that, even if one of your students does find you online, it’s not the end of the world, as a dating profile is not all that different from having a regular social media profile, like Facebook, Instagram or TikTok. You don’t have to fear ramifications from an employer for having a dating profile or be doomed to a life of spinsterhood, as it were. Just make sure to take some basic precautions and you should be fine.
Dear Anna,
After a recent condom malfunction I found myself in need of the morning after pill. The guy who put me in the situation kissed me goodbye and went on his merry way as I went to buy it. I didn't think it was that big of a deal until I realized I was going to have to shell out $40 for what was essentially his mistake (and then had to be the one to take on a miserable week of hormone-induced mood swings and depression). What's the etiquette here? — Possible to Land A New Bootycall
Dear PLAN B,
I’m sorry you had a rough week and that your booty call didn’t offer any financial or emotional support in the matter. I’m of the opinion that birth control should be shared by all applicable parties. As such, the penis owner shouldn’t bear the sole responsibility for buying condoms, and it also shouldn’t be the sole responsibility of the vagina owner to buy other forms of birth control, such as the morning after pill (aka plan B).
You don’t say if this was a one-night stand or more of a consistent hookup, but if you are having regular sex with this dude, it’s not uncouth to ask that birth control costs be split 50-50. It would have been decent of him to escort you into the pharmacy, yes, and to offer to help pay for it, and you can absolutely still ask him to pitch in (assuming you’re in contact), but it’s also possible he didn’t know how much it cost — as you yourself didn’t know until you bought it.
Even if you don’t plan on seeing him again, a brief convo clarifying your needs and boundaries around safer sex and birth control could be helpful practice for both you and him.
Also, going forward, if a condom breaks (and he should be able to feel it), stop immediately and put on another one.
Dear Anna,
How can I find sex toys that fit me well without spending lots of money? They're expensive and not exactly returnable. — Tough On You
Dear TOY,
You’re right, sex toys can be pricey and ones that have been opened/used aren’t returnable. (It doesn’t stop people from trying, however!) Ask the people who work in your local sex toy shop for their recommendations. (You can do this in person or online.) They’re there for a reason, and it’s not to laugh at you for buying "Big Trouble in Little Vagina 6." (Sex shop workers are some of the least judgmental people around and they will 100% not laugh at you or your desires! Indeed, they’ll probably enthusiastically encourage them.)
The rub (sorry) is that you have to know at least somewhat what you’re looking for. Something that vibrates? Something that penetrates? Something that’s cheap and pink and shaped like a walrus? The more you can elaborate, the more help it’ll be to both you and the shop employees. The other option is to read reviews and forums about specific toys to see if they might be a good fit. Many sex toys have surprisingly detailed user reviews, and occasionally pictures, so view at your own discretion.
Good luck and happy experimenting!
