The other day my son blurted out “blue is for boys and pink is for girls.” I was quite surprised, since his favorite color was pink just two years ago. He also recently told me that “boys are strong and girls are kind”. Kinda weird. I rate him as a pretty kind kid. It got me thinking… How is it that technology is moving at triple the speed but some children are still being fed toxic trash? Then we went to the drive through and I thought to myself “even happy meals need to grow up already.” Boy toy, anyone?
Redditor u/APT3993 racked up over 14,000 comments when they asked “What’s something sociably acceptable for one gender but not the other?” Scroll on for some deeply rooted double standards and don’t miss the chats Bored Panda had with two psychologists about where some of this stereotyping could have started. We also spoke to the person behind the original thread.
#1
Males peeing sitting down. And I wanna destroy that whole thing.
I had major foot surgery and couldn't put any weight on foot for weeks....started peeing sitting down. Haven't looked back. It's so much more comfortable and cleaner.
Image credits: Madeupaccountcuzshy
What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Right? Apparently not always. It turns out the same rules don’t always apply to men and women, or boys and girls, when it comes to behaving “normally” in public. What’s considered fair play for one is sometimes frowned upon for the other, as u/APT3993 found out when they asked for some examples of common sexist behavior.
Bored Panda reached out to the original poster to find out what inspired the question. He told us he wanted to see if people would only go with sexism directed towards women or whether they'd share their own examples.
"As a cis male I have seen some parts which can be quite scary," he told us, adding that he'd heard lots of stories about fathers being stereotyped. The redditor used an example of dads taking their children to the park and at best, being told they're on “babysitting duty” and at worst, being called creeps.
"It helps show the discrimination on both sides," he told Bored Panda. "No matter what gender we are, we all have gender “rules and restrictions” put on us based on social norms."
#2
Compared to men, women are more likely to be seen in a negative light for being assertive or using firm language.
Image credits: NaNaNaNaNatman
A British mom called Laurel Wider had a similar experience to me a few years back. Her preschool son caught her off guard when he boldly declared that boys don’t cry. As a psychotherapist with a background in gender studies, Wider wanted to weep. But instead, she put on her big boy pants, blue cape and set off to save the day.
Wider started where she believed it all began: the toy box. What transpired was a deep dive into the double standards of dollhouses, dinosaurs, diggers, drills and doctors’ kits. And later, a solution to slay some sexist dragons.
These days, Wider is considered an expert in the toxic traits of toys. She’s even spoken at the White House. Bored Panda caught up with her to find out how Barbie and Batman might have played a role in some of the stories featured here.
#3
Wearing clothes designated for the other gender. Women can wear men's clothes all they want with no issues but the moment a guy wants to wear a dress... And let's be honest, in this heat my balls would love to fly free!!!
Image credits: LT_Dan78
When Wider researched robots, racing cars and rocketships, she had a radical realization. Many of the so-called boys' toys encouraged building, battles, blocks and ball games but lacked emotion. Girls often got gifted in a more graceful way.
“At the time, all toys that promoted nurturing/empathy/feelings were heavily marketed to girls... I sought to change this,” she told us. Wider asked 150 parents, teachers and experts for their opinions.
Not long after, she launched her very own online toy store to tackle toxic masculinity. Her idea to turn superhero action figures into soft dolls for boys soon took off. Since then, Wonder Crew has won several awards.
#4
As a former bartender... Being grabby. Everyone says men are overly forward. Drunk middle-aged women are the worst. I've had women grab my junk in front of god and country, and everyone laughs it off. If I did that, I'd be in the hospital or prison.
Let’s be frank, dolls were once not considered socially acceptable toys for boys. And that’s exactly the thinking Wider wanted to change. But it’s not the only reason for her bold move. For her, it was important to bash the boys don’t cry, blue aisle brigade - by teaching boys to be in tune with their emotions.
"I created Wonder Crew, a line of dolls that combine the adventure of an action figure with the emotional connection of a favorite stuffed animal, plus dress up/costume play - to bring "soft skills" to boys without the stigma," she told Bored Panda.
"At the time of the launch, dolls were mostly marketed to girls. Based on research, I learned that doll play teaches and encourages empathy, connection, vulnerability - these skills were not present or encouraged in toys marketed to boys. I wanted to change this and fill a major gap in the toy industry. Noting that ideally toys are interest based, not gender based."
#5
A girl dancing with another girl. A guy dancing with another guy however is another thing entirely. Unless you're in a gay bar.
Image credits: Fluffy_Meat1018
#6
Sitting in the park alone on a bench, watching the kids play in the playground.
Woman: nurturing
Man: p*do.
Image credits: Connect-Speaker
Double standards can start young. Babies have some understanding of gender from about 9 months old. By the time they’re toddlers, they develop ideas about behaviors and activities considered "appropriate" for each gender. Putting girls and boys in (pink and blue) boxes further reinforces these stereotypes.
Dr. Sarah Lamer is an assistant professor of social psychology at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville. She's done extensive research on gender stereotyping so I reached out to her to find out more.
"Gender stereotypes are limiting by definition, and these limitations impact children early in development. For example, research shows that as early as the age of 2 and by the age of 7, girls believe that they are worse at math than boys, believe angular shapes and rough textures are masculine, believe that a really smart student is more likely to be a boy than a girl, and tend to play with stereotypical 'girl toys' (e.g., tea set, doll) more than stereotypical 'boy toys' ( e.g., skateboard, baseball)," explained Lamer.
#7
I keep thinking about the 45 yo woman who was having sex with the 18-20 yo guy. She posted about how sexually liberating it was and how she was living her best life. The comments were all from women congratulating her.
If she was a man she’d have gotten downvoted to hell.
#8
Men expressing positive emotion. Men are allowed to express anger, rage, even hatred and it’s just someone with a “temper.” But express love or kindness and he’s soft or weak. If I haven’t seen a friend for a while I’m going to want to hug them and tell them I’ve missed them. I’m tired of that being a knock against my masculinity.
Lamer was part of a team of researchers who analyzed a bunch of popular children’s tv shows. They found that in at least 12 shows, the characters were treated differently - depending on how “girly” or “boyish” they behaved. Feminine girls and masculine boys were treated better. While masculine girls and feminine boys were treated worse. They also found the behavior spilled out of the plasma set and onto the playground after children watched the shows.
“In our studies, we asked girls aged 6 to 11 to watch 4 minutes of silent clips featuring the pattern. After watching these clips, they felt like their parents and peers wanted them to be more feminine. The more pressure the girls felt, the more they played with stereotypical girl toys,” wrote Lamer in a blog post for the Society of Personality and Social Psychology.
But wait. It gets worse. The researchers did a test after the kids watched the shows. It turns out some little girls feel the need to dumb themselves down to fit in. “When we asked them to record a video message to introduce themselves to peers at another school—the less intelligence they conveyed. Subtle patterns like this one could have major impact,” explained Lamer.
#9
Aging.
A man who naturally ages is considered dignified. Women who age are considered washed up and spend thousands of dollars trying to stop the aging process.
Men age like wine, women like milk.
#10
It's more socially acceptable for men to wear stern/solemn/neutral facial expressions. In a society that largely expects women to be smiling and cheerful 24/7, when I wear any sort of flat affect, people assume I'm in a "bad mood" ?.
#11
Men's mental health is not considered enough.
I don't need to explain further.
Image credits: Neberi0
Wider has been doing her bit to level the playing field since her son first said boys don’t cry. “My colleague, Jodi Bondi Norgaard and I recently collaborated with The Geena Davis Institute on Gender and Media on a study titled: Equal Play? Analyzing Gender Stereotypes, Diversity and Inclusion in Advertising and Marketing for the Most Popular Toys of 2022,” she told me.
They scrutinized 175 adverts featuring the best selling toys that year. “Advertisements featuring toys marketed to girls (e.g., baby dolls) overwhelmingly focused on nurturing,” states the study. “Advertisements featuring toys marketed to boys were predominantly cars, sporting equipment or games, and toy weapons, with masculine music and language used in these ads more than in ads for toys marketed to girls. These results suggest that gender-inclusive products and marketing strategies for toys tend to be the exception rather than the rule."
#12
Mild sexual a***ult.
Girlfriend introduced me to some of her coworkers in college. Handshakes and awkward hugs around. Last girl in the group greeted me by pinching my nipple. Several laughed. I immediately pinched hers back. There was a brief uncomfortable silence until she started laughing once the shock wore off.
It was fine and fun for her. It was not fine for me until she approved.
#13
People are getting openminded about it, but body hairs.
Image credits: Ill_Needleworker7601
Other findings include:
- Toys marketed to girls were 18 times more likely to be shown demonstrating nurturing or domestic skills than toys marketed to boys.
- 75% of toys that were played competitively or violently were played with by boys.
- Marketing materials often employ gender roles and stereotypes through colors, characteristics of the actors using the toy, the way they play with the toy, and the type of emotional experience associated with play.
- Parents are responsive to this marketing and can reinforce gender stereotypes through both the toys they purchase for their children and the types of play they encourage and discourage.
#14
I wouldn’t say it is socially unacceptable but fathers are often treated with more wariness if they take their kids to a park solo in comparison to mother.
#15
Being affectionate to their friends. Hugs, telling them you love them, heart to hearts.
Women ?
Men ?
What a b******t society.
#16
Telling a woman she’s being overly emotional and needs to behave when she disagrees with something, while in the same situation a man is told “Good idea. We’ll take what you said into consideration.”.
Gender stereotyping is everywhere. On the shelves, in shops, under the kitchen sink, on the television, internet and radio. Sometimes it's stupid and pointless. Other times it’s downright dangerous. U.S. based NGO Save The Children says outdated gender roles play a direct role in millions of human rights violations around the world.
I asked Wider what advice she had for parents who want to break gender stereotypes. "Give kids the opportunity to experience a range of play experiences, regardless of gender. Provide diverse toys," she said.
But added that adults can take it a step further, "Write to manufacturers, ask for toys that are interest based, rather than gender based - toys that are more inclusive. It's important for kids to have a wide range of play experiences.
#17
The most popular one is... one can have their shirt off one cannot.
Image credits: DamnSquirrelYouFine
#18
Touching. Women are ALWAYS touching people.
Guy puts his hand on a girl’s shoulder, it’s creepy.
Girl I barely know puts her hand on my shoulder, perfectly fine.
Image credits: Gilgamesh661
#19
1) Sleeping around. If men do it, they’re respected, if women do it, they’re considered sluts.
2) Wearing makeup. If men do it, they’ll immediately be labelled as gay for simply wanting to look attractive.
3) Being a stay-at-home parent. If a woman stays home with the kids, she is respected. However when men do it, they are shamed.
I asked Lamer the same question... "I will pass on the advice that my undergraduate Psychology of Women professor, Joan Chrisler, gave us: If your behavior would change based on the gender of the person you are interacting with, then stereotypes are influencing your actions," she answered.
"For example, would you respond to the child's emotion differently if it were a boy than a girl? Would you suggest a different toy? Would you be less likely to comment on their outfit? Pretend play as a different profession? If so, ask yourself why – that is, what stereotype is guiding that behavior – and adjust accordingly."
#20
Affection towards children, especially children we’re not related to. I can talk to small children, laugh with them, pinch a cheek, etc because it’s more socially acceptable because I’m a woman.
Of course I’ll never harm a child but strangers don’t know it. But if a man did it, it would get more attention.
#21
I'm a middle aged man, youngish grandfather age. Interacting with kids without my wife present. It makes me a little sad because I like kids, but I understand why, and also understand it's a minor thing compared to the biases other groups deal with.
But wait. It gets worse. The researchers did a test after the kids watched the shows. It turns out some little girls feel the need to dumb themselves down to fit in. “When we asked them to record a video message to introduce themselves to peers at another school—the less intelligence they conveyed. Subtle patterns like this one could have major impact,” explained Lamer.
#22
I don't think I'm wrong in saying this
Women ogling men is more sociably acceptable than men ogling women.
Image credits: Jumpy-Violinist-6725
#23
Women hitting men seems disgustingly socially acceptable
Women/girls sexually a*****ting men/boys also seems to be amusing to many.
“By exposing children to toys and media that break down stereotypes and include and embrace diversity as it applies to gender, race, ethnicity, culture, ability, and more, we offer them the opportunity to authentically develop their talents and pursue their passions without limits,” advised Wider.
#24
The body positivity movement. How many plus size models do you see lately? How many are male?
Image credits: Jmersh
#25
Guys: Sorry fellas, I can't go out tonight, the wife won't let me. "Oh no problem, we totally get that."
Girls: Sorry ladies, I can't go out tonight, the husband won't let me. "OMG girl! He is abusive and controlling! You need to leave him!".
#26
I saw commercials for Melissa Etheridge going to a women's prison and saying something to the effect of "Women don't belong in prison" and I was like ????
“When a child isn’t represented, when they don’t see themselves in their toys or media, it impacts their sense of self, confidence and potential. If we want to raise whole children; we need to support and encourage the whole child,” she added.
In short, forget “let boys be boys” and let’s focus on letting toys be toys.
#27
Having much more lenient prison sentances based on gender for the same crimes.
#28
Being vulnerable and open yourself about your struggles and insecurities. You're going to be heavily criticized and suffer judgement, specially by people that are close to you, if you do this as a man.
Edit: just to clarify to the ones saying I should get better people In my life... While I have suffered with this with past relationships, and with friends and family, my best friend it's a woman, and she's the only person that I can truly open myself and be vulnerable without feeling judged or critzed.
But the fact is, there's a lot of man that suffers with this, and I think it should be addressed and discussed.
#29
I've seen lesbians sit at bars and absolutely pester the s**t out of straight women, to the point that if we saw guys being that creepy we make them leave but for some reason because they are woman they get a pass.....
#30
Wearing a bra.
Sounds funny, but bras have a function that men with breasts could benefit from as well. Especially while exercising.
#31
At my school the women get free gym locker locks and the men have to pay for theirs. As a female it infuriates me.
Image credits: Wonderful_Quarter284
#32
Being hairy. Eating a lot.
Image credits: mmeems06
#33
Being bald by choice.
Image credits: Adventurous-Dot281
#34
Hugging or sleepovers or staying together, if a boy does this he will be framed as " gay ".
Image credits: ChancePassage1858
#35
Women adoring infants and babies. If a man does it, he’s a creep/weirdo.
#36
I feel like pissing outside is socially more accepted if it's someone with a penis. I mean it's not legal for any human but I see them standing right by the road and pissing a lot more than I see people squatting and doing it.
#37
Apparently freaking harassment. Straight ladies. Just because I’m a lesbian does NOT mean you get to touch me and follow me around all night. If a man did it he’d be shamed. Also, stop harassing men too. We get it. They have pecks and arms. Stop touching! Many times this has happened at a bar ?.
#38
It's socially acceptable for women to bash men in general and socially unacceptable for men to bash women in general. When women do it, it's brushed off because 'men must hurt her' or she's just brave and empowered. When men do it it's because they can't get laid and are incels. When in reality, both are pretty miserable and wrong.
#39
Visible toes at a formal event.
Image credits: Oldassrollerskater
#40
Compliments.
Image credits: Yourclosetmonster
#41
Apparently it's more socially acceptable for a female to sleep with an underage boy, than a male sleeping with an underage girl. Both are terrible.
#42
For women: promiscuity is scrutinized, but less so in men. For men: weakness (both physical or psychological) is scrutinized but less so in women.
This is why it’s “not okay for men to cry”
And it’s “not okay for women to sleep around”.
#43
Going to a Disney movie alone as an adult.
Image credits: Saints2804
#44
Holding hands.
Image credits: Particular_Ad_7663
#45
Taking your shirt off when it's hot. Guys can, women cannot.
#46
In every country in the western world it's socially acceptable to amputate normal, functional, and beneficial tissue from the genitals of newborn boys without their consent, whereas doing that to girls in most western countries is illegal (and rightly so).
#47
One can hit the other and feel entitled to not receive retribution. And, society backs this up.
#48
Talk to a child.
#49
Having fun with your children in public. This one badly needs to change.
#50
Wearing shorts so short that a*s cheeks are hanging out is fine for women but not men.
Image credits: Optimal-Work3775
