Holding on to grudges can be detrimental to your health. And being able to forgive and forget someone’s wrongs is a virtue. However, that’s far easier said than done. In truth, some people’s behavior is so deeply hurtful and immoral that it’s hard to even consider pardoning them.
User u/Nixieisnothere sparked a brutally honest conversation on r/AskReddit after asking everyone to share the very worst things people have done to them that they would never forgive them for. We’ve collected some of their most candid stories to share with you. Scroll down to read them and possibly lose a bit of your faith in humanity.
A note of warning: many of these stories deal with sensitive topics like infidelity, loss, gaslighting, betrayal, etc.
#1
The Supreme Court justices who overturned Roe v Wade. If there's an afterlife, there's a special place in hell for them.
Image credits: BubbhaJebus
#2
My husband put a hidden camera in our bathroom and recorded my 14-year-old niece nude. He made gifs and collages from the images. I found a GIF of it almost 3 years later when he downloaded it to the family tablet from the cloud and forgot to delete it.
I called the police immediately. He is now in prison but due to get out in less than 2 years.
Image credits: eminva02
#3
My first husband and my best friend cheated on me. We divorced, they married. It lasted 2 years. He wanted me back. Just no.
I'm well rid of both of them, but I'm not planning to forgive the way they treated me.
That was 40 years ago. He got in touch with me again about 4 years ago, wanting to be "friends again" ..... I have a really long memory. No. .
Image credits: Any_Assumption_2023
We hold grudges when someone has wronged or hurt us. It’s a reaction to injustice. Grudges can run especially deep if other people don’t seem to care about the consequences of their actions and don’t bother to apologize.
However, some folks are more likely than others to blame others and feel bitter, angry, and resentful for what has happened to them. Verywell Mind explains that people tend to be more likely to hold grudges if they have low self-esteem, poor coping skills, or a short temper. Others more likely to hold them are those individuals who end up being embarrassed.
#4
My aunt poisoned and killed my puppy a few months ago to spite me. I will never forgive her for that.
Image credits: mwana_wekumusha
#5
My mother came to the hospital specifically to tell me that my baby ( who was in the nicu) was going to die and that would be my punishment from God for marrying ( insert racial slur).
Image credits: rowenaravenclaw0
#6
I made friend in HS in my very first semester. We got really close n I was so thankful to have somebody to hang out with because most of the kids were pretty awful to me being the only deaf student who also wore hearing aids I got ridiculed pretty bad. He was kind of a loner too so we really provided good friendship to each other. Well eventually he did meet some other kids who didn’t like me then he started to ignore me. I still remember the day I realized he was just completely turning on me when he wouldn’t allow me to walk beside him anymore. So after that day we were officially not friends and I went back to having no one. I won’t forgive him for doing that to me because in some ways it was even worst than what the bullies did.
Image credits: Deaf_Cam
To put it bluntly, holding on to grudges is very harmful to your physical and mental health, as well as your social life. While forgiving the people who hurt you might seem like ‘giving up,’ moving on and healing from their actions is in your best interest. If the perpetrators of your hurt continue to live ‘rent-free’ in your mind, they’re chronically poisoning you, forcing you to be chronically stressed. The best revenge is a life well-lived. But it can take the help of a professional therapist to recover from what happened to you.
If you constantly relive traumatic events and you’re surrounded by negative emotions, you’re exhausting yourself. Continuously ruminating on unpleasant past events can lead to anxiety, depression, aggressive behavior, and mood disorders. Some other negative side effects include thoughts of self-harm and emotional dysregulation.
#7
My ex husband abducted our children. I haven't seen them for fours years. I don't care if he rots away in jail. I don't care that he probably has PPD. It's unforgivable.
Image credits: Creepy_Line3977
#8
My best friend and I went into business and for the first two years it was all above board.
Then she started to change, got greedy and was taking money out of places she shouldn't.
Hired her daughter who honestly, was the most entitled person I have ever met.
I didn't see it for so long but I was doing 90% of the work and they were living the dream. I rarely took a wage!
I knew I had to leave when she started talking about how we can legally rip people off. I left the company (legally) and left her everything I had worked for for two years.
She got worse after I left. Ripped heaps of people off. Taken to court and forced into liquidation. She tried to tell people it was because I ran off with the money yet I left without a cent.
She has since been in the news and exposed for what she is .
I left that business/friendship feeling like I was leaving an abusive relationship. She had stolen my self confidence little by little over time that I barely even knew who I was anymore.
If you had met me before you would have called me strong and assertive. Afterwards I second guessed myself all the time.
It has been two years now. I am in a much better place and so glad I got out as I have no doubt she was just keeping me along to make me take the fall.
Her arrogance is something else. Thank goodness for excellent book keeping on my part!
Image credits: julzferacia
#9
My teachers from my primary school… I had scruffy clothes (sometimes summer dresses in the middle of winter and no gloves or warm coat), no food for lunch, insect bites all over my legs, usually sat in the corner of the playground with a coat over my head to avoid people, and struggled in class. They must have known things weren’t right at home, but they treated me like the weird kid and either targeted me or ignored me. I hope I see them at some point to give them a piece of my mind!
On a physical level, holding grudges and the chronic stress it brings can mess up your cardiovascular health and digestion. Furthermore, it can have a negative impact on your sleep, as well as your immune and reproductive systems.
Someone who is constantly reliving hurtful events and lives with anger every day can end up suffering from memory problems, worse cognition, and poorer decision-making skills. They might also deal with insomnia, headaches, upset stomachs, and asthma due to all of that stress.
#10
My wifes former friend who told her she was pregnant with my baby. We had never had sex and she wasn't pregnant. Just wanted to break us up and almost succeeded.
Image credits: YD1989
#11
My brother, for locking all our pets in my parents bedroom, lighting it on fire, and walking next door to the neighbors to call 911.
Image credits: Puzzleheaded_Loan_97
#12
My exs girlfriend at the time who he cheated on me with and got pregnant, msgd me and said “it’s not my fault my son lived and yours died”
I’ll never forget that ever.
Image credits: No_Nectarine_4528
Meanwhile, on a social level, holding on to long-term grudges can break apart your (positive) relationships with your family, friends, coworkers, and acquaintances. To put it simply, if the people in your social circle perceive you as someone who holds grudges, they might be less willing to spend time with you.
On top of that, few people enjoy being around someone who is constantly venting and grumbling about how unfair life is. Relationships are a two-way street. There needs to be a give-and-take dynamic. Your friends should not feel like they’re unpaid therapists for your issues, no matter how tough they might be. They’re there to support you and give advice when needed, sure, but they’re not responsible for your overall mental and emotional health. We all have to take responsibility for those things ourselves.
#13
My best friend repeatedly told me what my ex was up to. Even to the point where he got married. I constantly told her to stop. And she didn’t. I felt like she was trying to make me depressed, one day I spiraled with information she shared with me and after I “mentally came back”…(I was literally out of work for a few days) ….I ended our 25 yr long “friendship”.
Image credits: Alive_Salamander_329
#14
Not me, but before I met my wife she found out she had cancer at 25 and there were so many people in her life who just abandoned her. She was living alone and had very few people to lean on as her father was already deceased. It was pretty much her and her mom and that was it. Her boyfriend broke up with her because "he couldn't watch her die," her best friend cut her off because it was "too depressing," and several family members (including her only sister) all basically told her some variation of "well, I guess it was nice knowing you."
Her relationship with her mom became much stronger and one of her friends really stepped up, but in the 10+ years since it has been difficult to watch her struggle still with the impact that diagnosis had on her life. She and her sister had made up a while ago and it's like nothing happened, but there are family members who we see but she just doesn't trust or think highly of anymore. And only recently did she just reconnect with that best friend, and only because the friend's husband finally got her to apologize 10 years later. But yeah, my wife's life is completely different than what she expected it would be when she was diagnosed. She's been in remission forever now, we have beautiful kids, we have a house, she has a great career... But it really showed the true colors of a lot of people in her life, and only having met her a couple years after she finished treatment I was there for a lot of the blowback still. I think dealing with a friend or family member who is dying of cancer is very hard and a part of her has forgiven those people who abandoned her, but the damage is still there. She still struggles with it. It's sad.
Image credits: Lopsided_Leading8621
#15
Abruptly broke up with me while pregnant through text as I was hemorrhaging in the hospital after 7 months of trying to get pregnant. There wasn’t even fighting or an explanation provided. I can only assume he’s off with someone else as I prepare for divorce with a toddler and due any day.
Image credits: Purple_Grass_5300
Do you hold on to grudges or do you try to forgive, forget, and move on with your lives, dear Pandas? Has anyone done anything to you that you never forgave them for? What have you personally done to heal from hurtful experiences? If you’re feeling up for it, share your thoughts in the comments.
#16
At my first dental job I was pregnant and excited (was 21 at the time) I ended up miscarrying and the (older man) dentist said "oh well that's great news a baby would have ruined your life, now you can focus on omyour career here" I quit that week.
Image credits: Sufficient_Lemon30
#17
I once had a friend who stole a significant amount of money from me during a tough time. I trusted them deeply, and their betrayal was devastating. It’s hard to forgive something like that because it shatters your trust and makes you question your judgment.
Image credits: ChicClematis
#18
My best friend ghosted me.
Yeah, I know that friendships will run a course and sometimes fall by the wayside.
I was there for her when her mom had pancreatic cancer, I was there for her when her dad's dementia took a turn for the worst, and I was there for her when her brother developed kidney cancer that metastasized.
Where was she when my dad started failing? And my mom? I have no idea. She stopped answering my calls, texts, and emails. We were friends for over 20 years. .
Image credits: Purple_Cheetah1619
#19
The exchange organisation I went to the US with moved me from one family to one that is part of a cult. When I expressed how they were trying to convert and force me to go to church, I was informed that I either stayed with them, or I would kicked out of the program, which would dissapoint my parents given how mich they had spent for me to go(the worda of my contact person), since as I had moved family I was considered a "problem child". So I stayed another 4 months trapped in a cult, with no hope of getting out until the date for my exchange year ending.
In total, I spent 6 months being essentially held captive, as I wasn't allowed Internet access, and lived in an area without cell service unless I was at school.
Took me years to understand the trauma I went through. I spent nearly a decade as a volunteer for the organisation, but deep down, I hate it and want it to go bankrupt. I even worked my way up to being the interim leader of the org whilst it was struggling during the pandemic, and I almost managed to kill it, but they managed to get an emergency check from the government to keep it running.
So yeah, Sarah (contact person) and Gary (director of my region), f**k you both and I wish you nothing but the worst.
Image credits: isirealthough
#20
My best friend, the maid of honor at my wedding, fooled around with my husband at my parents house at the after party on our wedding night.
Image credits: Sad_Owl_6133
#21
My ex-partner revealed a very personal secret of mine to his friends after our breakup. That violation of trust was devastating and made me realize that some people don't deserve second chances :/.
Image credits: DrawZealousideal4131
#22
My mum breaking her back to support and help everyone in our family and extended family. Only to have everyone complain about how hard her terminal cancer diagnosis was for them and how she didn't understand what they were going through.
I've cut so many people out and can't seem to trust people or let them in anymore. I'm so much quieter and reserved now. All I do is work and stay at home.
Edit: Just wanted to write that it's a shame so many people have this same experience. It's definitely easier once you cut people out. Thanks, everyone, for being so nice. I will work on being more sociable again.
Image credits: HungryTeap0t
#23
Emotional neglect from parents. I have been able to move on and have a relationship with them but childhood trauma goes deep.
Image credits: CurlyMom7
#24
My mother had dementia, but was still having moments of clarity at that point. During one of those moments my brother persuaded her to alter her will to leave everything - *everything* - to him. I didn't care about my share so much, but he took the inheritance from my children, her only grandchildren.
We've been nc for years. I miss the brother I used to have. I don't miss who he became.
Edited to add - I really appreciate all the comments on this thread. I'm sorry so many of you had been/are going through through the same wringer, but it's strangely reassuring to know we're not alone. We had our reasons for not attempting to contest it, but I'm glad to hear about the successes!
Image credits: batty_61
#25
My brother was sleeping with my ex-wife. When she said no more, he tried to get my kids taken into care out of spite.
I haven't spoken to him since 1995.
Image credits: geth1962
#26
I was living overseas. I was single and having fun but homesick after 18 months. I’d had a major crush on a guy from back home, but never let him know. He was always in a relationship, and I’m not into breaking up couples. We were very good friends and he began texting and emailing me more often than usual. He eventually told me that he had a major crush on me and wished I was back home. I was planning on coming home around December of that year, but told him I’d come back early for him, as it was only about 3 months earlier than planned. He spoke to me often on the phone, he was super excited for me to get home. I told him my arrival date and time, which was about 6am, he said he would be there, he couldn’t wait.
He stood me up at the f*****g airport. He’d met someone about a week before I arrived and decided to see how it went with her. I was absolutely crushed. I’ll never forgive him. I’d adored him from afar for so long, and never told him because I respected that he was in a relationship. He eventually told me when i confronted him, that he was lonely, and didn’t expect me to come home for him. It’s been over 20 years, and just typing this brings me back to that sickening, awful feeling of rejection.
I’m happily married with 2 beautiful children, and couldn’t be happier with my family. But geez that hurt for a long time.
Image credits: Bron345
#27
Narcissists. They are people who get angry for no good reason other than they can’t manipulate others. Anyone who is that petty and spiteful is not someone who has a kind heart and is completely self focused. It’s hard to forgive someone like that who wreaks havoc on other people’s peace of mind and compassion with no remorse.
#28
My brother sudddenly stopped paying the remaining money i loaned him for a custody battle. Im now stuck with paying another 10k loan.
Do a good thing to get your sibling their child, ask to be repaid the remaining and get shafted off and suddenly not get paid anymore, no communication for months and told their family comes first.....that you helped them get....?.
Image credits: Wonderful_Income_692
#29
When I was in high school, some guy who is older than me spread this rumor that we had sex —which we never did. I was not a popular person. I was quiet and timid. Safe to say, this horrid rumor was never corrected.
Years later on IG, he messaged me asking if we can be friends and to just forget about what he did.
#30
My parents neglecting my dental care as a child/ teen. So much money and stress I have to put into it now to catch up.
