Name: Youth-free dining.
Age: New.
Appearance: Relaxed, sophisticated, mature.
Oh thank goodness. There’s nothing I hate more than children in restaurants. Me too! But, just so we’re clear, where are you setting the age bar?
I don’t know, maybe 12. Interesting. You see, mine is set a little higher than that.
16? A little higher.
Oh wow, 18? I’ll stop beating around the bush. I don’t think anyone younger than 30 should eat in the same restaurant as me.
What? 30? Have you lost your mind? Some might say that; others might say I’m completely plugged into the world’s hottest dining trends.
Old people only? Basically yes. A Caribbean restaurant named Bliss, located near St Louis in Missouri, has made international news due to its policy of only allowing in women over 30 and men over 35.
But why? “This policy is in place to ensure a mature, sophisticated and safe dining environment for everyone,” the restaurant clarified on Facebook recently, adding that: “This is strictly for the grown and sexy.” And quite right. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve had my dining experience ruined by the recklessly immature behaviour of unsexy men aged 34 and a half.
I assume the policy has been widely accepted by the local population. Well, not really. “Age does not guarantee behaviour, as there are individuals above the age of 30-35 who may still engage in disruptive behaviour,” someone wrote under the Facebook post.
That’s sensible. On the flipside, the over-30 crowd has reacted positively to the restaurant’s new code, with one of them using Facebook to tell younger people that: “WE’RE TIRED OF YALL TEARING EVERYTHING UP!!!!!”
Ah, so that’s the target demographic. Middle-aged people who end their all-caps social media tirades with at least four too many exclamation marks. That’s right, and they’re proud of it.
Will this catch on? Maybe! You have to admit it does sound nice, the idea of having a lovely dinner out where everyone speaks in a low murmur and nobody holds everything up by comprehensively Instagramming all their food.
But where will the under-30s go? Literally anywhere else. Let us just have our special place for older people.
Why? What will you do there? All the classic old-people things. We’ll eat in peace, we’ll discuss centrist politics and the joy of owning our own homes while disparaging the young for spending all their money on avocados. Don’t worry, kids, you’ll be the same as us soon enough.
Do say: “I’m afraid I’ll need proof of your age before I let you in.”
Don’t say: “I’ll accept passports, driving licences and cod liver oil prescriptions.”
