The prosecution: Ray
David claims his mother never made a big fuss of closing the toilet lid but I think it’s of paramount importance
My partner Michelle’s son, David, is a good kid. I’ve known him for the past six years while dating his mum, but since moving into her home a year ago I’ve noticed a few little differences between the way I raised my children, and the way she has raised hers.
The main one is the fact that David doesn’t put the lid down after he goes to the toilet. As men, we should put the toilet seat down after we go for a whiz, and I’ve always done that. But I was also taught that we should close the toilet lid completely when we go for a No 2.
In general I always put the toilet down when I flush – seat and lid. This is to avoid germs spraying up into the bathroom and going everywhere. If you flush with the lid up it releases something called an “aerosol plume”, a cloud of germs, basically. Obviously there’s more bacteria when you go for a No 2. David isn’t from that school of thought. He’s 18 and still living at home while he finishes college. He claims Michelle never made a big fuss of closing the toilet lid but I think it’s of paramount importance. I read a study once that said toothbrushes kept in bathrooms where people don’t close their toilet lid have a lot more bacteria than those in bathrooms where people do.
Michelle says it doesn’t really matter to her, but when I moved in, the first thing I did was move all the family toothbrushes to the bathroom cabinet as they were resting on a shelf directly next to the loo. David then moved his back to the usual spot. I said “There’s no need for that: it’s more hygienic in the cupboard” but he just shrugged and l left it.
My two boys are grown up – 21 and 27 – and now live with their mum. But in the past, when we lived together in my house, they agreed with my views on bathroom etiquette. I can’t really dictate to Michelle how to raise David, but I have gently nudged David to close the lid of the toilet seat after he uses it. I don’t like to tell him how to behave too much; that’s down to Michelle. I’d just like to see David try to listen to me when it comes to this as I’m trying to help, that’s all.
The defence: David
Ray’s overreacting about a so-called ‘plume’ that’s never caused problems – and my mum agrees
Flushing the loo and putting the seat down afterwards isn’t a problem for me, but remembering to close the whole lid is. One time Ray came into the bathroom after me and told me that the lid of the toilet should have been closed and I got a bit triggered.
I thought: why are you coming in here sniffing the air, examining the toilet and trying to catch me out? It’s a bit weird. Ray has told me a few times to close the lid to prevent bacteria spraying around the room, but I don’t think it’s registering. My mum never drilled that one into us growing up, and it’s probably too late now. My defence is that I just don’t believe that the germs spray up into the atmosphere. Or if they do, I don’t think they are going to kill us, or impact us in any serious way.
When Ray moved in he was pretty chilled at first, but he’s gradually got a bit more outspoken as he’s grown more comfortable. I don’t mind him, and we have a good relationship. He’s been good to Mum since my dad left us 10 years ago, but obviously there’s some things I had to adjust to. Now I have to share the front room with him so he can watch his detective shows.
Ray never tries to tell me what to do, but he offers his opinion up quite a lot. He says things like: “I’m just going to suggest this …” or “Back in my day”. After a long time without my dad in the house, it can be difficult to consider someone else. I like Ray, but sometimes it’ll feel like two against one when Mum takes his side.
With the toilet-lid issue, Mum actually takes my side, which proves that I’m in the right. She even said to Ray that since we don’t care about the toilet-seat thing, he doesn’t need to move our stuff around, but he said it was for our own health. We both thought it was a bit over the top, moving the toothbrushes. I actually told him: “No one cares”, but he went off on one about bacteria.
The toothbrushes have stayed in the cabinet, which is fine, but now that they are in there, I am probably even more lax about closing the toilet lid. If we’ve locked them away then why do we need to stress?
The jury of Guardian readers
Should David brush up on his toilet etiquette?
David is not guilty. If it is just a genuine hygiene concern for Ray, moving the toothbrushes into the cabinet has resolved it amicably. Any further insistence on flushing with the lid down seems like dictating terms unnecessarily. Unlike the seat etiquette, this one does not impact other users, so should be left to individual preference.
Vidushi, 26
Ray should let this go, and he can keep his own toothbrush in the cupboard if he feels he needs to. Ray seems keen to help guide David in life but this is not the right thing to focus on.
Rachel, 36
As an adult, David is free to reject Ray’s advice and act as he pleases in his own home. Ray can keep his toothbrush where he wants – though he should consider if this has ever actually prevented him from getting ill.
Kieran, 22
Ray has already won the war over the toothbrushes and there’s no real consensus about whether the lid should be open or closed. Rather than banging on about the “aerosol plume”, maybe Ray should acknowledge that the matter is trivial.
William, 22
David has adjusted to Ray’s presence in his home and I am sure this goes further than detective shows in the front room. Although I agree with Ray’s rationale, if this is his only issue following the move then he needs to lighten up, count himself lucky and not let trivial matters impact his relationship with David.
Jamie, 27
Now you be the judge
In our online poll below, tell us: should David start putting the toilet lid down?
The poll closes at 10am BST on Thursday 17 August
Last week’s result
We asked if Marek should shower at home, not the gym.
3% of you said yes – Marek is guilty
97% of you said no – Marek is innocent
