The prosecution: Tameka
All the details are finalised, after three years of planning – then Akane asks at the last minute
I’m getting married to my fiance, Martin, next month and have pretty much arranged everything – it’s been three years in the works. Like most brides, I am already stressed about the details – and now my cousin Akane is adding in some last-minute dietary requirements.
I’m already worried about things like amending bridesmaids’ dresses and the speeches – and, as usual, Martin is leaving it all up to me. We are lucky that we’ve got family to help with the cost, and have well-paid jobs.
Most of the details were finalised months ago, but now Akane wants me to change our food options because she’s gone gluten-free. Akane says she’s developed a gluten intolerance and that she needs to have a different main and dessert, but I don’t believe her. How can you just develop an intolerance like that overnight?
Akane and I are Japanese, whereas Martin is from the UK, so we are having a wedding with Japanese food, plus some British options. I’ve always lived in the UK and don’t really know many people who are coeliacs.
I reckon it’s just another diet fad for Akane. We grew up together and are only a couple of years apart in age – our mums are sisters. We used to eat noodles with our family – Akane didn’t have an issue with gluten back then. It’s a running joke in our family that she’s all or nothing with fads. One year she went on a keto diet and lost loads of weight.
I wouldn’t mind too much if Akane had asked for gluten-free options when we sent the invitations out, but the caterers have already designed the final menu and we’ve paid. No one else on the guest list is gluten-free, so it wasn’t a consideration. Japanese cooking has lots of soy and flour, and the company says it’s going to cost extra to provide alternatives.
Because I don’t believe Akane really needs this – as far as I know she hasn’t even taken the coeliac test – I’ve said she may have to skip a few courses. Alternatively, for this one evening she can eat the food I’ve chosen – surely that won’t kill her?
The defence: Akane
I’m not asking for my own specially created menu – just something I can nibble on
I’m sorry to say it, but I think Tameka is being a bit of a bridezilla. I have requested some gluten-free alternatives and I don’t think that’s too much to ask for – it’s a normal thing at a wedding.
Tameka has chosen noodles, fish and other items in panko breadcrumbs and batter, which I used to love, but I can’t eat any more. She has said it’s going to cost extra to design a gluten-free menu, but I am not asking for my own specially created version of everything. I’m just wondering if it would be possible to give me something else to nibble on.
Because she remembers me eating gluten when we were growing up, I don’t think Tameka takes my dietary requirements seriously. But I’m now more health conscious. I was having a lot of digestive issues and noticed that they all went away when I stopped consuming gluten about six months ago.
I didn’t do a test, but I don’t need to. My mother and a lot of people in my family, including Tameka, don’t really get it. Asian diets are traditionally very high in gluten, and when I went back to Japan this year I noticed that there was a real resistance to coeliac foods. But here in the UK it’s a lot easier to get the kind of foods we need.
Tameka is making it sound like such a huge deal. She said, “Just eat the raw fish and leave the noodles. There’s rice on the menu so you won’t go hungry.” But that’s not the point; it’s about being accommodating. I also think Tameka isn’t treating me like other guests because we are cousins. If I were a relative travelling over from Japan, or one of her lawyer colleagues, I’m sure she would make the changes.
Annoyingly, I’m going to the wedding with my husband and he says it’s too last-minute to expect a whole new menu to be drawn up just for me. When I got married a few years ago, my priority was making sure everyone felt comfortable, and that meant checking the seating and food options worked for all my guests. Tameka needs to realise what this day is about – celebrating with friends and family.
The jury of Guardian readers
Should Tameka change her wedding menu for Akane?
I think Akane is guilty because you can’t suddenly develop a food allergy. Akane comes off as being selfish.
Wing See, 31
Akane is not guilty. Tameka’s argument that it’s a fad is very weak – there could be lots of personal reasons why Akane has these dietary requirements, and stressful events like weddings could exacerbate her issues. Families should be much more accommodating of other family members. After all, blood is thicker than gluten.
Ollie, 38
Guilty. I think Akane has waited too long to request a gluten-free option at her cousin’s wedding. She should have asked for specific dietary options when she first got the invite.
Gavin, 41
Guilty. Changing your dietary requirements less than a month before the wedding is completely unreasonable. It’s Asian, so you can eat the rice, meat, fish, and remove the batter – and take your own nibbles.
Viv, 50
Akane is guilty. There would be no problem if she had raised her dietary requirements earlier but to ask for these adjustments at such a late stage at Tameka’s expense, when it’s not a life-threatening allergy, is unfair. It’s fine for Tameka to stand her ground – it’s her wedding day and weddings are about celebrating the bride and groom, not family and friends.
Jason, 25
Now you be the judge
In our online poll below, tell us: should Tameka change her wedding menu for Akane?
The poll closes at 10am GMT on Thursday 8 June
Last week’s result
We asked if Jasper should dry his hands with a towel instead of letting them drip dry.
87% of you said yes – Jasper is guilty
13% of you said no – Jasper is innocent
