HERE’S A HYMN TO WELCOME IN THE DAY
There’s nothing like an exciting game, and England v North Macedonia is nothing like an exciting game. It may, in and of itself, be acceptable, given bad football is better than good most other stuff – interacting with other people, say – but in the general scheme of things, it is roughly as appealing as Nadine Dorries and Joe Rogan discussing F1 to a jazz soundtrack in Milton Keynes.
This is not, of course, the fault of the players, who would, presumably, rather be doing whatever it is people with talent and money do with their time, whether sitting in a darkened room manipulating pieces of plastic, or guzzling goldfish bowls of snus spritzers. But unfortunately for them, the suits who organise football see no problem with playing matches in mid-June, such that when some teams are back at work preparing for 2023-24, others still haven’t finished 2022-23, the season continuing long after Ariston, Methuselah and the beat have packed up and gone home. It’s surely a matter of time before Uefa is peddling Bovril Slurpees and balti pie arctic rolls, available to all those willing to remortgage their home for the pleasure.
But here we are so here we are, yet more qualifiers designed to ensure the rich countries can’t fail to reach the tournament proper, and enough less rich ones clutter up the group stages with near-unwatchable matches. England, though, are actually quite good – and those are extremely peculiar words to write – teasing Malta on Friday night, with Trent Alexander-Arnold scoring a fine goal. No longer can anyone doubt that, given time, space, poor opposition and no marking duties, he is the world’s greatest midfielder. Harry Kane also bagged one, having inspired his teammates earlier in the week by presenting each of them with an award celebrating his epochal magnificence. One can only imagine the thrill felt by James Maddison, owner of three England caps, at having to schlep back a hunk of metal and glass detailing someone else’s career, for which he’s not only expected to be grateful but to display at home.
North Macedonia, meanwhile, spent Friday night losing at home to Ukraine, having previously stormed to 1-0 and 2-1 wins over Faroe Islands and Malta, respectively. Which is to say that where once international football had no easy games, now it has no easy games to watch, but if it’s that or conversation with other human beings, we know what we’ll be doing come 7.45pm BST.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join Tim de Lisle for hot Euro 2024 qualifying MBM coverage of England 2-1 North Macedonia, while Daniel Gallan will be in the clockwatch hot seat at 7.45pm BST too, mopping up the rest of the night’s action.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“These are proceedings that take whatever time they take and when we’re done we’ll have a conversation. I’ll give you my very blunt views, I promise you that. I have very strong views on that” – chairman Khaldoon al-Mubarak vows to get some things off his chest when the time is right over Manchester City’s 115 charges for alleged financial wrongdoing.
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
May I be one of 1,057 pedants to point out that the ‘disgrace of Gijón’ was not, as you wrote, a ‘mutually beneficial goalless draw’ (Friday’s Memory Lane, full email edition), but rather a 1-0 win for the Germans, which made the cheating all the more blatant, since the Austrians didn’t even make a token attempt at equalising. One of the low points in German football history, overshadowed shortly after by that Schumacher assault on Battiston” – Ingo Herzke (and 1,056 others).
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Rollover.
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