James Elliott examines the trajectory of failed MP to pub quiz question, against the backdrop of a protest with a crippling identity crisis
This week the stumbling and staggering Labour Party was able to shake a stone out of its shoe by casting off a troublesome MP whose actions have driven a deluge of derogatory headlines.
Trevor Mallard is leaving Parliament and they didn’t have to turn on either the sprinklers or Barry Manilow to get him out.
All it took was a plum diplomatic posting to Ireland accompanied by the perfect farewell serenade of ‘Rocky Road to Dublin’ by The Dubliners. Perfect because his political road has been well rocky, especially that time he punched Tau Henare, and opinions as to whether he’s cut out to be a diplomat range from ‘Hell yes’ to ‘Hell no’.
So just in case Trevor Mallard’s days of generating gaffe-driven headlines aren’t behind him I’m claiming dibs on a potential new job title, Embarrassador to Ireland.
You would have been forgiven for thinking that the Labour Party was relieved to see the back of Trevor Mallard when the distinctive strains of ‘Hit the Road Jack’ were heard rumbling from Labour’s caucus meeting on Tuesday. However, that was in fact the send-off for the media-monikered ‘Rogue MP’ Gaurav Sharma who got his own posting, to a back bench even further back than his current back bench.
Having already been suspended from the Labour caucus this time Sharma was expelled, expulsion being the highest level of institutional bullying sanctioned by caucus rules. The caucus vote was 60 in favour of expulsion with one abstention and one opposing. I thought the one vote opposing was a sign of further possible dissension in the ranks until I read on to learn that Sharma was entitled to vote and I assumed he didn’t vote for martyrdom.
Instead of producing a smoking gun Sharma produced a water pistol with barely enough water to dampen a squib.
His expulsion was a certainty after he tripled and then quadrupled down on his allegations of bullying, lying and cover-upping within the Labour ranks. And his allegations remained largely that. Having been given multiple opportunities to substantiate them he failed to do so.
Instead of producing a smoking gun Sharma produced a water pistol with barely enough water to dampen a squib. There’s speculation as to what he will do - and what more will be done to him - next, but whatever steps are taken they will be trod along the path marked out by the likes of Aaron Gilmore, from failed MP to pub quiz question. And of the two, Aaron Gilmore will always be the preferred pub quiz question because the quiz master gets to ask “Do you know who is the former MP who said ‘Do you know who I am?’”.
The Mallard and Sharma exits made for a welcome or calculated distraction from the principal news story on Tuesday, the Freedom and Rights Coalition protest march in Wellington. Police were prepared to deal with large numbers of protesters but as it turned out, crowd-size estimates varied from 1000 to 1002 depending on whether you include two people who weren’t part of the main protest but decided on the spur of the moment to counter-counter protest the counter-protesters. The march was led by Bishopostle Brian Tamaki who noted that he had held a similar rally 18 years ago. That rally was called “Enough is Enough” and for Brian at least it clearly wasn’t.
My prediction is that Freedoms NZ will go the way of a great many other umbrellas opened in Wellington, ripped apart and inside-out, and dumped in a bin on Lambton Quay.
This protest rally was for [insert whatever you like here] and against [insert whatever you don’t like here]. The crowd chant was “Freedom”, the chant you chant when you don’t really know what your chanting for. Or against. This protest rally was also a political news event with the Bishopostle announcing the formation of a new political party, “Freedoms NZ”. At the risk of a copyright infringement claim by the Monty Python writers of “Life of Brian” I will now describe “Freedoms NZ's” political structure.
It is an amalgamation of the New Nation Party, Vision NZ (led by Hannah Tamaki) and the NZ Outdoors and Freedom Party, formerly the NZ Outdoors Party. Tamaki is hopeful that Democracy NZ and the New Conservative Party will also join the new party, and that together NNP, NCP, VNZ, DNZ and NZOAFP (formerly NZOP) will form “an umbrella of hope”. My prediction is that Freedoms NZ will go the way of a great many other umbrellas opened in Wellington, ripped apart and inside-out, and dumped in a bin on Lambton Quay.
As it transpired, the most significant news event was not the formation of a new party but the sad demise of another one, the Tupperware party. Tupperware is closing its business in New Zealand after 50 years of selling us all manner of plastic lids and containers by its famous party plan structure. I reckon just about every household in New Zealand has Tupperware - either just lids or just containers, but rarely both. So just beware, as of Monday next week if someone invites you to a Tupperware party they’re not inviting you to a Tupperware party, they might just be inviting you to a “Tupperware” party.
Have a peaceful weekend.
