The decision to break off an engagement can be tough, no matter how much time and respect you give to each other. But if something doesn’t feel quite right, it’s better to act on it now than to regret it later.
That’s how redditor SaintMinerva007 felt four months before her wedding. It wasn’t the fault of pre-wedding nerves, but rather the questionable behavior of her fiancé. Tired of making him a husband that she wanted to have, she decided she didn’t want to marry that person anymore.
Partners often possess flaws that tend to irritate their significant other
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
This fiancée couldn’t get past them and decided to call off the engagement
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Image source: SaintMinerva007
Red flags that might mean it’s time to call off an engagement
Image credits: SHVETS production (not the actual photo)
When it comes to growing a relationship, sometimes it’s beneficial to accept your partner’s strengths and weaknesses, even though they might irritate you. However, as in SaintMinerva007’s case, if you can’t get past certain flaws and feel that something is not quite right, then it might be time to part ways.
Naturally, this raises the question: What are the signs that indicate it’s time to leave a relationship or even call off an engagement? A licensed psychologist, Jaclyn Witmer Lopez, distinguished several of them, and if any of them sound familiar, experts say you may want to reevaluate your relationship before getting married.
She believes that each person brings their own unique values, belief systems, and expectations into a relationship in hopes that by the time they’re engaged, they will be aligned and mutually shared.
But the couple may come across some differences that they simply can’t move past, even if they’ve discussed their values and plans for the future thoroughly. This could be issues like infidelity, problematic family dynamics, and secrets, which can be contributing reasons for calling off an engagement.
It may happen that relationship dynamics change, no matter how long the couple has been dating. Therefore, she advises being aware of any dealbreakers, like being taken for granted. If one partner feels like they constantly communicate their needs, but they haven’t been acknowledged and nothing has changed, they may need to reconsider their future with the person.
A couples consultant, Lesli Doares, says, “If you ever find yourself thinking, ‘It will be better once we’re married,’ call it off.” Perhaps the person doesn’t feel respected, heard, or included in the partner’s life. Or there are too many arguments and failures to agree on one major topic. Waiting to be officially committed in hopes of fixing things rarely works. The issues usually stay the same, and the only change is that they are legally bound.
Calling off an engagement can be done with respect
Image credits: Diva Plavalaguna (not the actual photo)
For those who are sure about breaking off their engagement, experts advise doing it with respect. This may come as a surprise to the significant other, so try to do it gently in person, avoiding any negative language. It might be best to focus on feelings and why you were so different without mentioning flaws or putting blame on someone.
Allow each other to have some space to mull over everything that’s happened. Once the fact has settled down, figure out a way to break the news to family and friends. They may feel like they deserve an explanation, but if it’s something you’re not comfortable sharing, it doesn’t have to be detailed. Remember that your and your ex’s feelings should be respected and dealt with with sensitivity.
The majority deemed her right and even called her lucky to escape
