In a recent post on the subreddit ‘Am I the [Jerk?]‘, platform user Lazy_Cheesecake4424 described an incident she had at the beach, igniting a discussion on personal boundaries and empathy.
When the woman and a couple of other people she was with took off their clothes, one of them noticed the biopsy scar on her leg and asked if she could cover it.
Trying to make peace with her body, the Redditor refused, and the situation got quite uncomfortable.
This woman went to the beach with her friends to get a tan
Image credits: Dmitriy Ganin / Pexels (not the actual photo)
But one of them asked her to cover up her biopsy scar
Image credits: National Cancer Institute / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: nikolast1 / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Kamran Abdullayev / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Lazy_Cheesecake4424
Image credits: Josh Duke / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The incident on the beach is a vivid reminder that everyone wants to be heard
A scar is our skin’s natural way of knitting itself back together after it’s been hurt. Healing is a multipart process, and the science behind it is quite complex. Dermatologic surgeon Mary-Margaret Kober, MD, explains it in simple terms: wherever there’s been an injury, she says, the first thing that happens is that blood cells called platelets gather together and form a clot to stop the bleeding and seal the wound. Our immune system kicks in and creates inflammation, which helps fight infection and start healing. Later, cells called fibroblasts make collagen, growth factors, and other substances to help mend and rebuild the skin. A few days later, the tissue contracts and makes a scar. It can take up to a year for a scar to fully heal and reveal its final result. But even when healed, scar tissue is never completely like normal skin.
“It’s not quite as strong or as elastic, the color and texture may be different and it doesn’t produce hair, oil or sweat,” Dr. Kober notes.
It would be foolish to tell people to simply get over it. Even though Dr. Kober has some patients who say they don’t care about the scars and that they only want to get better, on the other side of the spectrum, there are plenty of those who are very concerned about their appearance after getting better.
However, trying to hide our imperfections only allows them to grow. So in the long run, making friends with them is the way to go. “Many of us have grown up without the secure attachment with caregivers that would provide a foundation for healthy connections in our adult lives,” psychotherapist John Amodeo wrote.
“To the extent that we grew up being shamed, criticized, judged, or analyzed, we tend to shut down. We keep ourselves protected, our hearts hidden. We deem it foolish to show vulnerability and expose our true feelings and wants.”
Judging from her post, it sounds like the Redditor had internalized that real beauty is an inside job, and was actively going after it, so we can understand her desire to prioritize herself. But you can’t say that the other lady was being unreasonable either.
The woman’s story has received a variety of reactions, but most people have been saying that she did nothing wrong
Some also recalled their own similar experiences
