In-laws come in all varieties, from the wonderfully welcoming to the “Oh, you again?” crowd. Sometimes they’re practically second parents, other times they’re more like an exclusive club where the membership card is elusive. For those who’ve married into a family, there can be this unspoken rule that not everyone gets the invite to every family bash, no matter how official the vows might be.
And if that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. The poster of today’s story is a wife who’s feeling more than a little stung after her mother-in-law casually handed her husband a birthday present that was for everyone…except her.
More info: Mumsnet
In-laws are like Wi-Fi signals; one minute you’re fully connected, the next you’re mysteriously out of range
One woman was shocked and annoyed when her mother-in-law didn’t invite her to a family outing, planning the event with just her husband instead
For her husband’s birthday, the woman’s mother-in-law gifted him 4 family tickets to their favorite band, but didn’t include the wife in their plans
The woman was very annoyed by her mother-in-law’s behavior, saying she felt excluded from the family because she was not invited to the concert
So, the OP (original poster) has been a part of her husband’s family for 8 years. She’s got a solid bond with her in-laws, and they even live close by. There’s no cold shoulder, no subtle shade between them, just good, warm family vibes. Plus, she’s been included in everything up to this point. Sounds like a pretty loving family to me.
But at her husband’s 30th birthday celebration, the OP’s mother-in-law casually announced she bought concert tickets for the family, and somehow it slipped her mind that her family includes the spouse too.
The OP’s reaction? Hurt and annoyed. And when hubby dearest didn’t even blink or say “wait, what about my wife?” her frustration hit the next level.
The mother-in-law insisted that the OP was obviously part of the celebration, but actions, as we all know, speak louder than words. If you’re giving concert tickets as a gift, and you’re calling it a family outing, how do you forget the person who’s literally part of the family, through marriage vows and everything? Asking for a friend.
And, to add salt to the wound, the OP’s husband didn’t speak up, just standing there shrugging. So, the OP threw out a sarcastic comment, making sure they knew she felt excluded. But her husband? Still silent. Not exactly the knight-in-shining-armor response she was hoping for.
Is it possible that the mother-in-law’s brain just rewound a few years, like an old cassette tape, to when her family was just the four of them? Maybe in her mind, it might have seemed normal to plan a night with her “little family.”
After all, she is allowed to want to spend time with her husband and kids, remembering the good old days, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love her daughter-in-law. Even the OP mentioned that she has a great relationship with her in-laws, and they always do things together. It’s not like her mother-in-law excludes her from her plans constantly.
Being excluded by in-laws can feel like a slap in the face, especially when you’ve been part of the family for years. In-law relationships often need an extra dose of patience and, in cases like this, a little communication. If your family excludes your partner from different activities or events, it would be a good idea to become their rock when the family is together.
Experts say that taking short breaks from your family to check in with your partner and see how they’re doing is essential. Plus, making sure you include your partner in conversation, and having their back no matter what is a must, if you want to make sure they don’t feel excluded. After all, feeling like an outsider can sting pretty badly, even if the snub isn’t deliberate.
Whether the OP’s exclusion from the concert bash was intentional or not, we don’t really know. But, in situations like this, it’s helpful for the spouse to be the bridge. If the OP’s husband had just jumped in and said “Hey, what about my wife?” it could have been a nudge for his mom to realize her oversight and fix it on the spot.
But, when this doesn’t happen, and your partner isn’t very supportive, a private chat with them, to set the expectations for next time, might go a long way.
I get it, not everyone’s eager to rock the boat, especially with their parents, but it’s tough when your person, the one meant to have your back, doesn’t stand up for you.
The pros suggest having an honest conversation with them, as they might not even realize you feel unsupported, or maybe they’re not sure how to navigate family loyalty. Setting some friendly ground rules about future situations can give you both a game plan, helping you feel supported without turning family time into some battle.
So, what do you think? Is the poster being unreasonable for wanting to be included? Let us know in the comments section.
Netizens say the woman is being unreasonable to expect an invitation, as her in-laws have the right to do things as a family, without her
