Even when the relationship no longer feels right for both parties, when it ends, it still brings up painful and unsettling emotions. However, the faster a person acknowledges these feelings and begins to work through them, the quicker they can fully move on.
Redditor Throwasolstice883’s ex-husband seemed to cope with the divorce without any trouble. Just a couple of weeks after the separation, he got another woman pregnant, calling his ex-wife with the good news. Left speechless, she put the phone down, refusing to listen to what he had to say. Confused about what she should do next, she turned to the folks online, asking for advice.
Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with licensed marriage and family therapist Andrea Dindinger, who kindly agreed to answer a few questions about separation.
The end of a relationship often brings painful and unsettling emotions
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
This ex-husband coped with them quite quickly, getting another woman pregnant within a few weeks of the divorce
Image credits: ckstockphoto / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Prostock-studio / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: THROWRAsolstice883
“Knowing you’re not alone and having someone help hold you together is incredibly valuable”
Image credits: Karolina Kaboompics / pexels (not the actual photo)
Licensed marriage and family therapist Andrea Dindinger tells Bored Panda, “Coping with a divorce is a challenge for everyone, regardless if you’re the one who wants out of the marriage or not.” However, there are a few things she suggests that can help navigate the grief that separation brings.
She first recommends reaching out to a therapist, either individually or in a divorce support group. “Knowing you’re not alone and having someone help hold you together is incredibly valuable. There are many low-fee options to be found online, your primary care doctor may also be able to assist you with finding someone. I also recommend visiting Psychology Today.”
The next important step she proposes is to take care of your finances. “Look over your spending, earnings, and savings. If you have a financial planner or even someone at your local bank to sit down with you and look over your financial resources, it will be incredibly helpful. The key here is support to help you look at and create a plan for your finances.”
Equally vital is paying attention to your health and treating yourself with kindness. “Make certain you are moving your body every day, even a walk around the block is helpful, but joining a running club (even if you don’t run) will both get you moving and help you meet new people. Drinking lots of water helps flush your system of all the stress you’re managing.”
In the moments when one feels lonely, it might be helpful to reflect and look back at all the people who matter to you the most. “Sit down with a piece of paper and write the names of all the people in the world that love you, or have loved you. Include your ex on that list, all of your exes, even people who have died, or never said, “I love you,” but you know in your heart that they did, old friends, neighbors, teachers, relatives—gather all that love into your heart and remember you are not alone, you matter, and you are loved,” Dindinger assures.
“Moving on to the next relationship while one is still married and going through a divorce is incredibly common”
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Just like in redditor’s case, “moving on to the next relationship while one is still married and going through a divorce is incredibly common,” Dindinger says. The main motivation driving such behavior is the dread of being alone, not knowing what awaits, and wasting time trying to figure it out.
“Fear is a powerful driving force, and when we are doing anything from a state of fear, we should ideally move slowly, however, so few do. Fear gives us tunnel vision and allows us to overlook some key factors. When you are going through a divorce, you’re in a state of grief and loss, and fear accompanies grief and loss like wallpaper on walls.”
Despite having separated from their partners, Dindinger finds that more and more people seek to have a healthy relationship with their ex-significant others. This is especially beneficial when kids are involved. “With children, I recommend having a regular weekly meeting with your ex to go over logistics and stay on the same page and team, your child’s team.
Make certain that you’re giving a unified message of love and connection to your child, and doing this, will require you to cooperate and collaborate with your ex. I also insist my clients commit to avoiding any hurtful or unkind comments about their ex-spouse in front of their child, this hurts the child in untold ways and doesn’t even directly impact your ex.”
Readers shared various reactions and advice
