When we’re young, making new friends is pretty easy but, as we get older, we tend to be pickier over the people we choose to spend our time with. It’s natural for us to associate with those who share similar interests and points of view, after all, birds of a feather flock together.
But what should you do when someone insufferable wants to go beyond acquaintanceship? For one lady on mumsnet, enough was enough after a horrible night out with an obnoxious woman from her village. Now she’s turned to the internet for advice on how to shake off the problematic person.
More info: mumsnet
Lady at her wits’ end after disastrous night out with obnoxious woman, turns to internet for advice
Image credits: ELEVATE (not the actual photo)
“We’re roughly the same age but we have zero in common,” complained the woman
Image credits: gpointstudio (not the actual photo)
Drama started during night at village pub when oddball woman was acting manic, childish, and rude
Image credits: ELEVATE (not the actual photo)
Another couple who was there left as soon as decently possible
Image credits: Helena Lopes (not the actual photo)
The night ended with the women going their separate ways, but the poster was left seething
Now the lady is keen to snuff out any hopes of a friendship with the weird woman
OP’s story begins with her telling the mumsnet community that she and her dear husband (DH) took early retirement and moved out to a very remote and rural part of the country. She goes on to explain that a couple of years ago, Zoe and Dan (not their real names) arrived in the quaint village community.
OP says while Dan is OK, she doesn’t really get on with Zoe, a right-winger who’s not the sharpest tool in the shed, brags about never having read a book, hates immigrants, and believes in weird conspiracy theories she reads about on Facebook. OP adds that, while Zoe can drive, she refuses to, leaning on Dan to take her wherever she needs to go instead.
This means she doesn’t get out much, because her husband works part time. Zoe started texting the woman to ask if she and her hubby could join the couple for a night out at the local village pub. The poster said she couldn’t really say no, plus she felt a bit sorry for the woman since there aren’t that many people living in the remote area.
Well, agreeing to the meetup turned out to be a very bad move for OP. She says that when the woman arrived, she seemed a bit manic, to the extent that OP wondered if she was on something. Zoe proceeded to talk over the group, constantly paw at OP’s arm to get her attention, and laugh hysterically at anything OP said, even if it wasn’t really funny.
After the couples went their separate ways, OP turned to mumsnet for advice on how to cut Zoe out of her life. OP added that Zoe has no contact with two of her three children and has maybe one other person in the small community whom she can connect with.
Now OP is wondering if she should say something or just dodge Zoe’s messages until she gets the hint. “I absolutely do not want to be friends,” OP concluded in her post.
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
From what OP writes in her post, it certainly seems like Zoe is a toxic and entitled character who could also use a lesson in some basic manners.
In her article for Healthline, Crystal Raypole writes that dealing with a someone who’s toxic can be mentally draining, but certain communication techniques can help you protect your sanity, and boundaries.
Barrie Sueskind, a therapist who specializes in relationships, shares some key signs of toxicity:
- self-absorption or self-centeredness
- manipulation and other emotional abuse
- dishonesty and deceit
- difficulty offering compassion to others
- a tendency to create drama or conflict
So how do you deal with a toxic person? Raypole suggests a few strategies that might help.
Firstly, avoid playing into their reality. Toxic people have a tendency to see themselves as the victim in almost every situation. If they make a mistake, they could well shift the blame to someone else or tell a lie that paints them in a more positive light.
While you might feel tempted to just nod and smile in order to avoid an angry outburst, it can encourage them to see you as a supporter.
Instead, Raypole says you should opt for respectful disagreement instead.
Second, don’t let yourself get drawn in. The toxic person may constantly complain about others, always have a new story about unfair treatment, or, in some cases, even accuse you of doing them wrong or not being supportive of their needs.
Raypole writes, “Resist the urge to jump on the complaining train with them or defend yourself against accusations. Instead, respond with a simple, ‘I’m sorry you feel that way,’ and leave it at that.”
Finally, put yourself first. Perhaps the person in question “desperately needs” your help to get them out of trouble whenever you see them. Or, Sueskind says, “You’re always giving and they’re always taking, or you feel like their emotional stability depends on you.”
While you might value your relationship with this individual, don’t offer support at the risk of your own well-being. “Healthy relationships involve give and take,” says Sueskind.
What do you think OP’s next move should be? Should she give the oddball woman a piece of her mind, or just ghost her? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
Netizens offered some simple strategies, from ghosting the woman to faking a phone glitch
