They say when it comes to gifts, it’s the thought that matters. But what if there’s not much else behind it?
A few days ago, a guy who goes on Reddit by the username Equivalent_Basis_563 made a post on r/AITAH, where he shared a story about a birthday present from his wife that left him feeling more frustrated than appreciated.
Part of her surprise for his special day was a trip to see his favorite football team. Only she hadn’t picked a game or booked a flight…
For his birthday, this man’s wife “gifted” him a trip to see his favorite team play, only there was a catch
Image credits: voronaman111 / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
He was supposed to handle all the costs and planning
Image credits: puhhha / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Equivalent_Basis_563
Gifts matter even in serious relationships
Image credits: Gustavo Fring / pexels (not the actual photo)
At first glance, gifts might not seem that important to partners who are already seriously committed to one another. But that’s not necessarily the case. Especially within individualistic societies.
One recent study explored why married couples give each other gifts. Researchers wanted to see if the frequency of gift-giving is related to how likely people are to change partners, which they called “relational mobility.” They looked at two things: the divorce rate and how many new relationship opportunities people have.
In the first part of the study, the researchers compared married couples in the United States and Japan. The U.S. has a higher divorce rate, meaning people are more likely to change partners. They found that American couples exchanged gifts more often than Japanese couples. This suggests that in places where relationships are less stable, couples may give gifts to show they are serious about each other and promote a feeling of safety.
In the second part, the researchers focused on married couples in Japan. They found that those who had more chances to meet new people were also more likely to give gifts. This means that when people have more relationship options, they might feel the need to give gifts to confirm their commitment to their partner.
Overall, gifts serve as a signal that a partner values their relationship and is willing to put in effort to keep it strong.
So whether or not the Redditor and his wife can resolve and move past this whole ordeal might also depend on their ability to reassure each other that they care about their marriage.
“When things between you and your spouse are in a good place, you can handle a couple of hits like this and be fine,” said Susan Pease Gadoua, L.C.S.W., author of Contemplating Divorce, A Step-by-Step Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go. “But when your relationship is on the rocks, bad gifts take on symbolic proportions. When times are bad, bad gifts tend to mean, “You clearly don’t get me,” or, “You obviously don’t love me anymore.” Likewise, when your spouse nails it, you feel loved and connected to your mate.”
The vast majority of those who read the story said the man did nothing wrong
But a few believe the couple could’ve both been more cooperative
