Lilly Jay, the ex-wife of actor Ethan Slater, has spoken of the profound pain and “darkness” she has endured while watching him move on with his Wicked co-star, Ariana Grande, as she raises their young son.
In a candid essay for The Cut, the clinical psychologist, 32, described the public fallout of her six-year marriage as “the saddest days of my life.”
Slater, 32, and Grande, 31, met in 2022 on the set of Wicked in the UK, where she stars as Glinda and he plays Boq. Both were married at the time.
Jay revealed that she had relocated to the UK with their newborn to support Slater during filming, only for their relationship to unravel.
“I confidently moved to another country with my two-month-old baby and my husband to support his career,” Jay wrote. “Consumed by the magic and mundanity of new motherhood, I didn’t understand the growing distance between us.”
Reflecting on her heartbreak, Jay shared: “There are days when I can’t escape the promotion of a movie associated with the saddest days of my life.
In the countless hours I spend rocking my son to sleep, pushing his stroller, marveling at his sweaty little hands grasping a crayon, I work diligently on my private project of accepting the sudden public downfall of my marriage.”
She added, “No one gets married thinking they’ll get divorced, in the same way we don’t board a plane expecting to crash. I really never thought I would get divorced. Especially not just after giving birth to my first child and especially not in the shadow of my husband’s new relationship with a celebrity.”
Jay, who shares two-year-old son with Slater, praised his parenting despite their split. “Both of us fiercely love our son 100 percent of the time, regardless of how our parenting time is divided,” she noted, acknowledging their co-parenting.
Despite this, Jay admitted that their high-profile breakup has left its mark, particularly on her career. “It’s hard to measure an absence, and I can’t say for sure how much my career has been impacted by what’s out there online,” she wrote.
“But there have been hints along the way, like the job offer that dissolved without explanation after yet another tabloid news cycle or the patient who’s scheduled for a first appointment but seemingly vanishes.”
Jay also reflected on her struggle to adjust to the sudden public scrutiny. “At the Children’s Hospital, my invisibility was welcome protection from hard conversations for me and my patients,” she wrote.
“If I’m discovered—as what, being vulnerable?—perhaps it could be a point of connection rather than a clinical liability.” Recalling her pregnancy, she described it as a time of joy and uncertainty.
“I survived preeclampsia, a life-threatening birth complication, and finally, our family was whole. Mine is a story of worrying in the wrong direction,” she said. Despite her efforts to support Slater’s career, she “didn’t understand the growing distance between us.”
The couple finalised their divorce in September, following Slater’s July 2023 filing citing irreconcilable differences. Grande, meanwhile, divorced Dalton Gomez in October 2023, paying a $1.25 million settlement in lieu of spousal support.
Jay concluded her essay on a hopeful note, telling readers, “Slowly but surely, I have come to believe that in the absence of the life I planned with my high-school sweetheart, a lifetime of sweetness is waiting for me and my child.”
Both Slater and Grande have addressed the intense public scrutiny of their relationship. Slater told GQ in October, “There was something really difficult about things in your private life being commented on and looked at by the public...
“It’s really hard to see people who don’t know anything about what’s happening commenting on it.”
Grande, in a recent interview with Vanity Fair, defended Slater, saying, “There couldn’t be a less accurate depiction of a human being than the one that the tabloids spread about him. No one on this earth tries harder or spreads themselves thinner to be there for the people that he loves and cares about.”
