Sorry. I may not be able to write this piece. I can see most of you are okay with that. So, I’ll just have to treat you like a traffic cop treats me in Mumbai, i.e. I’ll ignore you and carry on. The reason this piece is in jeopardy (other than grammatical errors, wrong assumptions and pointless paragraphs) is that I’m shivering.
As you know, in Mumbai, there has been no tiger sighting or cold temperature since 1952, so if one is shivering, it can only be one of two reasons, fear or awful news debates on television. I can see the reader getting anxious, shifting in the chair saying, ‘get to the point, move it along, hurry up’. To you I say three beautiful words, ‘Trans Harbour Link’.
As the year closes (not the year’s fault), the Mumbai Trans Harbour Link, also known as MTHL, also known as Atal Setu, also affectionately called Dipeshbhai or Dipu, will be functional. It was supposed to be functional from Dec 25, 2023, which in the language of the State’s Public Works Department means it should be partially functional by April 2024.
Now, let me get to the fear part. You may not know, and this is the first time I’m going public with this confession ...er at least first time this week, but, I am terrified of travelling. Not a fear of mishaps and accidents, I actually suffer from what the German Nobel prize winner Dr August Potz called ‘Travellopsychosis’. (The word is the same in German and English, but totally different and a lot shorter in Arabic).
In Travellopsychosis, a patient suffers from anxiety at the the very thought of having to leave his home, and when forced to, can show many different symptoms that include, but are not limited to, (A) nervous system collapse, (B) nausea, (C) talking backwards, and (D) talking forward after talking backwards, and then talking backwards again. For e.g. He may say ‘Das Ma I’, followed by ‘I am sad’. Then revert to ‘Das Ma I’.
For me, the MTHL or Dipu, is a great source of stress and anxiety. The wife is my opposite in many ways. Gender, for instance comes to mind, but more importantly, she loves to travel. She’s at the other end of the spectrum. What Dr August Potz called out as a person showing traits of ‘Travellocius’ or, great zest, and, desire to travel. Such a patient shows symptoms such as (A) always happy, (B) full of energy and plans, (C) always looking for new destinations, and (D) if restricted from travelling, tends to hop on one foot, then the other, for extended periods of time.
Now with the advent of Dipubhai aka MTHL, please do the math. That is correct, she will pressurise me to travel more, across the length and breadth of Maharashtra. To put it in perspective, well before me, the British tried the same, and then left.
Here’s my humble plea to the authorities and government (who number 60% of my readership) please stop connecting the country just so people can travel more, it’s painful, stressful, and, causes more anxiety than Urfi Javed’s wardrobe collection. Now don’t think I’ve forgotten, to all the readers I say, ‘RAEY WEN YPPAH’. ‘Happy New Year’.
The writer has dedicated his life to communism. Though only on weekends.
