Needless to say, many things we do as kids—as grown-ups later in life, even—come from our upbringing and the things our parents instill in us. And while most of them typically try their best at being parents, some of their values or beliefs might be questionable at best.
For instance, telling your child that perfectionism should always be the standard might not be a healthy approach, nor arguably is encouraging them to work day, night, and weekends to show their dedication. These are just a couple of examples millennials shared while discussing the things their parents ingrained in them that they later realized were ridiculous. Scroll down to find more on the list below and see just what bizarre beliefs some parents want their children to follow.
Below you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with a clinical psychologist and a professor of psychology at the University of Mary Washington, Miriam Liss, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions about parental influence.
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Discussing people’s habits and behavior, Miriam Liss, professor of psychology at the University of Mary Washington, pointed out that they are typically shaped by numerous factors, parental influence being one of them.
“Parent influence is significant but not the only significant influence for children. Genetics also matter, as do influences outside of the family; peers, for example,” she told Bored Panda in a recent interview.
“Nevertheless, parents can instill both behavioral patterns and values in their children that can have a long-lasting influence,” the expert continued. “Many aspects of a child’s behavior are shaped by what we expect of them and what behaviors are reinforced by the family.”
“Parents can also impact what is valued by children. Do parents notice and praise how a child looks or are they more likely to give children praise and attention when they are demonstrating kindness to others? Through selective attention and reinforcement, parents can communicate what is important and valued in their family.”
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While parental influence does play a significant role, as kids age, it is possible for them to break free of certain behaviors instilled in them by their parents. (That’s likely why people who’ve shared their stories in the thread eventually realized how ridiculous theirs were.)
“Children change all the time, so one could argue that they are never fully ‘set’,” Prof. Liss suggested. “We can always change the expectations we make of our children and that is actually appropriate as children age. For example, you wouldn’t expect a young child to help cook a meal or do their own laundry, but you might expect an older child or teen to do these things.”
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According to Miriam Liss, if a habit has been ingrained and people want to change it, they need to be consistent and calm about it. “For example, if you [as a parent] have allowed your child to snack before dinner and then you decide you don’t want that behavior anymore, your child might object and complain and you might be tempted to give up and let them snack. However, if you are calm and consistent and explain the reason behind the new rule, eventually even ingrained behaviors can be changed.
“Other things may be harder to change, especially if you don’t realize how you have influenced your child. For example, if you have focused most of your praise on how your child looks, your child may put a high value on their appearance and this may be difficult to change,” she added.
However, according to Liss, even such messages are not set in stone, as both parents and children learn and grow. “As children age they will make their own decisions about whether or not they want to keep the values their family has instilled in them or whether they want to value other things.”
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While the things that adults in the family consider important and want to ingrain in their children differ with each household, some are arguably universally favorable. According to Prof. Liss, these include a foundational belief that the kids are loved and a belief that it is OK to try difficult things and that growth can happen through failure.
While expanding on the former, the expert pointed out that parents who are warm and caring can help instill a basic sense that a child is worthy of love and attention. That can help the offspring form a secure attachment style, which can bring numerous long-lasting benefits.
Discussing the latter, Dr. Liss emphasized that some parents communicate to their children that they must succeed at all costs and this can make children averse to taking risks and trying new things. “Instead, parents could try to communicate that people grow when they try hard things and that a lot of learning can come from failing and trying again. This can help children cope with challenging situations with strength and resilience."
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