Many of us have had our phases of being ghosted, led on and manipulated while dating.
There is a new guy in town, hoping to double the trouble in the dating field, known as holi-dazing.
Dating app Fruitz relationship expert Rhian Kivits has warned those looking for love to be wary of holi-dazers, which is a mixture of already existing trends “love-bombing” and “situationships”.
Love-bombing is the act of showing someone a lot of love or attention, especially with the intention of controlling or influencing them, while situationship is a relationship that is more than friendship but less than a committed relationship.
But what exactly is this new trend and the signs to look out for.
What is holi-dazing?
According to relationship expert from Kivits, holi-dazing is a form of leading someone one.
The trend “sees singletons intentionally leading on potential love interests by deceptively leaning into the nostalgic romance familiar in Christmas rom coms by pulling on the heart strings, in order to secure a seasonal partner.
“It’s a manipulative and toxic dating tactic where singletons pull out all the stops to give the impression they’re looking for a ‘forever’ partner, by copying cliche Hollywood behaviours and actions.
Instead, they’re selfishly duping them into a false sense of security, providing a ‘fairy-tale’ experience by masquerading their intentions - be it long term or short. It’s a combination of the trends ‘love bombing’, 'future-faking' and the ‘situationship’ but with a heady dose of Christmas nostalgia.”
What are the signs of holi-dazing?
Kivits has indicated a few giveaway signs of holi-dazing.
A person who appears overly eager to move through the stages of a relationship too rapidly could be a sign of holi-dazing.
“If someone is coming on too strong and giving over-the-top compliments and romantic gestures, it could be a sign that you are being holi-dazed. If their behaviour feels excessive and overly affectionate, it’s worth asking yourself whether it feels genuine or if it is moving too quickly,” says Kivits.
A person may display intense amounts of interest and affection while yet keeping you in suspense, this could be an indication of holi-dazing. If they seem hesitant to expose you to their friends and family and act as though they're keeping you apart from their daily lives.
Another warning indication is if your possible companion will only meet with you if they want to and only on their terms, disregarding your needs and desires.
“If they only want to see you when it’s convenient for them, one-on-one, or on their terms, but combined with exaggerated expressions of love and neediness from their side, this could be a sign that they are just looking for something fleeting over the festive period, instead of giving the relationship the time it needs to build to a stronger connection and stable emotional bond.” adds Kivits.
How to avoid holi-dazing
It's critical to establish boundaries and communicate your intentions clearly in any relationship. This is even more crucial to prevent being caught up in the holi-daze or falling for any other harmful dating fad.
For example, if you’ve matched on Tinder and the chat is thriving, make it clear to them if you’re in for something casual or something serious. Their response and actions are usually a good indicator of the next steps.
Looking out for manipulation is also key.
“As a general rule of thumb, if the person is trying to manipulate you, they will become defensive, quickly lose interest, struggle to commit to long-term plans, or may even resort to gaslighting to save face.” Kivits says.
