How many times have you heard something and thought “that was definitely not on my bingo card this year”?
We find ourselves increasingly uttering this phrase at Indy100, and it’s made us consider what absolute delights 2022 might have in store for us.
Did you have Pete Davidson and Kim Kardashian holding hands on your 2021 bingo card? How about the prime minister - the actual leader of the UK - being a Peppa Pig stan? Okay, how about Milo Yiannopoulos flogging Catholic iconography?
No, we didn’t have these on our 2021 bingo cards either. So in a bid to get ahead of the times, here’s our sheet for 2022:
Confused? Allow us to provide reasoning…
- Count Binface becomes PM: We already have a pretty rubbish PM, so this isn’t necessarily a stretch.
- Pete Davidson goes on Love Island and wins absolutely everybody’s hearts. He’s quite popular...
- Dolly Parton wins Nobel Prize: She wins all of our prizes already.
- Peppa Pig announces new political party: The gammons will officially unite.
- Scotland leaves the UK and unites with Ireland to make a Celtic Super Republic: Given the noise around Scottish independence, could the nation one day join forces with its Celtic sibling to create a Republic of Craic?
- Boris Johnson discovers TikTok: And he will deliver a 20 minute speech on it.
- Liz Truss for Eurovision: Who better to lead the nation to Eurovision glory?
- Ronnie Pickering opens driving school: Do you know who he is?
- Gary Neville MP: Could we see the opinionated former footballer announce his intention to run in the next general election?
- Richard Madeley becomes a ghost hunter: He’s already had a spooky run-in with a spectre…
- Bigfoot found: But he politely asks to be left alone. A statement asking us to leave him in peace will be signed with a massive footprint.
- Phoebe Bridgers moves to Ireland: After spending Christmas on the Emerald Isle, will she want to stay?
- Donald Trump’s hair revealed to be toupée: His fabulous mop of hair isn’t actually his. It will be revealed to be fragments of a literal mop.
- RuPaul buys Amazon: But rebrands it Glamazon. You can still find everything on there, but there would be “no f***ing H&M”.
- Nigella Lawson becomes newsreader: Who doesn’t want to hear the nightly news in her dulcet tones?
- Jeff Bezos revealed to be an alien: He’s already visited space (his true home). Much like they do in Scooby Doo, they’ll whip off his mask to unveil he is in fact a little green man.
- Elon Musk denounces technology: Content with his accolade as Time’s person of the year, he will feel as though he’s peaked and will fade into obscurity. Sadly, people will have to find other sources of memes as he would likely get rid of Twitter in this scenario.
- Kim Jong-un becomes Instagram influencer: His wardrobe staple? A leather coat.
- Pete Davidson and Kim Kardashian have a baby: Another Davidson entry on this list. We actually don’t think this is entirely outside the realms of possibility given things seem to be going well between the two.
- UFOs land, but promptly turn around: “Sorry, but you lot are the height of a no,” one of them will remark, hesitating briefly to tip their cowboy hat at earth before beaming off.
- Global tea shortage: Since everything else that can possibly go wrong has already gone wrong…
- Shaun Bailey becomes Lego influencer. Why? We hear he’s fond of it.
- David Attenborough posts thirst trap: His BBC colleague Louis Theroux has already done it…
- Salt Bae gets his own cooking show: And absolutely everything in the kitchen - food included - would be made of gold.
What do you make of our predictions? If we even tick one of these off next year, we’ll definitely be scratching our heads for what 2023 could hold…
