Claudia, 61 and Peter, 62: ‘Our sex life was good for 30 years until we started arguing – now we’re divorced’
Peter We were married for 33 years so of course, I could write a book on this. We got divorced three years ago, and I now have a new partner, but things broke down because we fell out of love. I still think she is a totally amazing woman, but there’s no romantic feeling there any more.
We met when I was 28, I couldn’t keep my hands off her. We never had any problems in the bedroom department, and once we knew we were compatible, we married a year later – no messing around. When we moved into our first flat, we had sex in every room and nearly every day, for the first few months. Sex was always a big part of our relationship, even when we had three kids and even when Claudia was pregnant. We always made time for it. I was lucky to have met someone with a similar sex drive to me.
In the last few years, the sex dried up considerably which was sad. We still had a lot of respect and fondness for each other, but we were also bickering. We had some real rows and it ended up just being easier to not touch one another romantically. We slept in separate bedrooms for the last two years of our relationship. I do think it’s better to have that distance if you’re at loggerheads. Now I have a new partner – and we have sex once or twice a week which is perfect for me; but I will always care for Claudia.
Claudia Marriage with Peter was up and down, like any other, but I got three wonderful children out of it. But in the 30-something years we were together, I learned that love and sex can’t don’t sustain a partnership. They’re important components, but they’re not everything. Our marriage ended because we didn’t have any similar interests and towards the end, we were fighting over what to do in our spare time, our finances – everything. And our sex life was good until we started arguing.
I met Peter when I was just out of another relationship, aged 26. In that one, I didn’t have a lot of sex and I wasn’t happy about it. When I met Peter, it was like “whoosh” – an instant connection. Our minds were the same and in the bedroom, fireworks to match. I thought to myself, finally I’ve met my sexual equal. And Peter was always very adventurous in bed. We tried a lot of new things. Dressing up, different positions, that sort of thing. I’d always wanted more experiences as a young woman but I’d just never had it until I met Peter.
Peter was funny, kind and compassionate as a husband. Of course things went through flat patches, but vanilla sex is underrated in my opinion – you need it just to stay connected. After our divorce, sex remained an important part of my life with new partners. I had one relationship for a year and we had lots of good sex – but he couldn’t keep up with me. I’m single now and I do find it tough. A woman has needs, at every age, but I do use a vibrator. Just because I’m in my 60s doesn’t mean I’ll stop priorisiting sex.
Zara, 30 and Medhi, 31: ‘I was a virgin when I met Medhi but I’ve learned a lot since then’
Zara Me and Medhi had a pretty good relationship. We met at university, in halls, 10 years ago. I was definitely keen. Then, on some sticky-floored club, we kissed, the kind of kiss that makes you go: “Wow”. After that we were inseparable. We dated at uni for two years, then for two more after graduating. We broke up in 2015, mainly because I moved to another city. Medhi wanted to carry things on, but I wasn’t up for long-distance. I also knew deep down that things had run their course.
Looking back, I guess the sex was good. We certainly had loads of it. But I also realise now that we were finding ourselves. I was a virgin when I met Medhi and I’ve learned a lot since then. I wouldn’t say he’s been my best sexual partner, but we shared a lot of “firsts” and that fostered a greater level of intimacy. Medhi was very patient and gentle with me in the bedroom. He wasn’t a virgin and he taught me what sex was really about. He made me come – both from penetration and oral – when I’d only just learned to make myself come with my hand the year before. I found myself comparing Medhi to other people I dated afterwards.
Once I had a boyfriend who was really bad in bed, he never prioritised my pleasure and he was terrible with his hands. He lasted three months. It was hard to find Medhi’s level of skill with another man for a while.
Things have settled between us now and we are both in new relationships. My current boyfriend is great in bed and there’s probably a bit more fire and passion, which I realised I also need, as well as the softness. We also try new positions and toys a lot, something I didn’t do with Medhi. It’s really not awkward between Medhi and I now, I just don’t feel any chemistry – it’s just friendship now.
Medhi I dated Zara for almost four years. We hooked up in our second year of university and afterwards we continued dating until I was 23. We were good friends for a bit and then things just naturally progressed. Luckily we are mates now which makes it easier for our friendship group. We see each other occasionally and I’m now engaged to someone I met right after her.
You grow a lot together when you start dating young and we were barely 20 when we first got together. I know that I took Zara’s virginity and I think that was a big deal to both of us at the time. It made us closer. I was very cognisant of looking after her, both emotionally and physically. She’s since told me that she’s grateful for the care I showed her which is nice. Once we started having sex we were at it all the time. The sex was great. I sort of liked being in control and teaching Zara things. We weren’t particularly kinky but we did have a great connection. Being students you have so much free time on your hands, so that’s all we ever did at one point. That part of our relationship was always good.
When we broke up, obviously it wasn’t great. I probably took it a bit worse than her. She moved away and I wanted to try long-distance, but Zara wasn’t as keen. But intimacy-wise things were very good right up until the end and we both learned a lot about what we want out of life.
Rudy, 24, and Lewis, 26: ‘Casual sex works well with my ex. I don’t want to go back to dating apps, which are devoid of humanity’
Rudy There are some people who will think this is weird I guess, but casual sex with my ex, Lewis, works well for me right now. For context, we were officially together for about 18 months after meeting on Grindr in 2021, and initially things were quite good. I’m 24 and had one relationship before him. The sex was fire and I liked his outgoing personality. Lewis always took the lead in the bedroom and I enjoyed that. He always liked to be a top, whereas I love being a bottom.
The relationship was getting quite serious before we broke up at the start of this year after I found out that Lewis was talking to other guys behind my back. I don’t think Lewis properly cheated, but he was a bit lax with commitment, whereas I wanted to settle down early on.
We didn’t speak for a few months after the breakup. Then a few months ago after bumping into each other at a club night, things started up again. We went home together and the chemistry was still there. We had amazing sex one night which went on for hours – just like old times. This arrangement is not going to be for ever. I just don’t want to go back to dating apps, which are a jungle. Plus Lewis knows exactly what I like. My friend thinks I’m sleeping with Lewis in the hope that he’ll get back with me, but I can categorically say that’s not true. I’m just enjoying the physical element right now – what’s the big deal?
Lewis Me and Rudy have a good thing going on. I guess you could say we are friends with benefits. Our sex life is lit but it’s better we aren’t officially together. He wants more than I can give right now. There’s a perception in the gay community that everyone is promiscuous, but that’s not true. Rudy is definitely a one-man-guy.
When we were together, he was a great partner. I also like that he’s always a bottom, because I’m not as flexible with that. But I just wasn’t ready for something super serious, whereas he was talking about moving in together after a year. It fizzled out just before the 18 month-mark because he was a bit jealous and I couldn’t take it any more. I never actually cheated. Perhaps there was a bit of messaging, and a few cheeky DMs but nothing more. It was probably for the best that we broke up, because now we are both getting what we want.
Rudy still wants to hang out because he enjoys the sex, so it’s perfect for us both. We probably see each other once a month but it can vary. I don’t mind being booty-called – as long as we’re both open with each other then I don’t see any harm. I enjoy my freedom and don’t want to be tied down at 26.
