A lot of parents will wonder if their kids wish they'd done some differently, but never get to find out. We got to ask some teens this question, and here's their candid answers.
Raising teenagers is another world isn't is? From a teen that will not socialise to frustration that your teenager won't talk to you anymore, navigating these challenging years both as the teen going through them and the person parenting them, throws up so many difficulties. If you're scared you will mess up your kids, nobody is perfect and most people can recall something they wish their parents had done differently - that's part of the messiness of life and the human condition.
Most people don't get to find out what their kids wish they'd done differently - it could make for some awkward conversations over dinner and at family gatherings. However, we got to speak to some teens to ask them this very question. Most wanted to stay anonymous and wanted to protect their parents' feelings, but became surprisingly candid once they started opening up. Here's what they told us.
What teens wish their parents had done differently
- "My parents are really easy going and my friends always envied that I could do whatever I wanted without a lot of questions. When it came to wanting to go to sleepovers, then to parties and festivals it was great - they didn't care I was underage and just told me to 'have fun.' But being laid back meant they took no interest in my education, they thought that was for my school to sort out. I had no guidance from them choosing GCSE or A Level subjects and think I picked the wrong ones. I've just finished my exams and have put off picking a university because I think I might've chosen useless subjects. My mum didn't even know which A Level subjects I chose. She even got angry when one of her friends asked her what I was taking and then couldn't believe she didn't know. Easy going is good, but I wish they cared more. It just feels to me like they didn't care at all."
- "Primary school was the best time of my life. I moved to secondary school with all my friends and year 7 carried on being really good fun, until my dad decided we were moving. We lived in the north in a city and the job was in the south in a small village. Me and my brother didn't want to go, and we cried thinking he'd change his mind. The job wasn't a lot better than the one he had, he'd just decided he'd rather live in a village. My mum didn't want to go either. We moved and I was bullied for most of year 8 and 9 until I moved schools. I still never made good friends in my new school and miss our old life all the time. I wish my dad had considered the whole family and listened to me and my brother when we said we didn't want the move."
- "My parents have always done 'things' for me, which to be fair, I do like, but I do think I’m probably not as self-sufficient as I should be by 15. I have zero idea how to work a washing machine and my mum always says she has to do everything, but she's never shown us how to do these things. I don't want to do them, they seem boring, but I know I'll need to do them and I wish she'd just shown us instead of the guilt I feel every time it looks like she's had enough of everything."
- "Our house has always had this 'open door' policy and my mum always says things like 'we're an open family.' But that means they barge into my room when they want and sometimes just walk in and open the curtains when I want to have a lie in. It's a total lack of privacy and shows no respect for how I feel. Starting my periods was really bad, we only have one bathroom and mum and dad refused to put a lock on it. People have walked in on me trying to change my, you know, things. I've already told my parents I resent this situation, and it's just made me determined to put locks on every door when I have my own house. I think I'll always remember it as something they got really wrong."
- "My dad interferes way too much about making sure I get homework done - I can do it. His constant obsession with it means whenever he gets home from work, I almost dread seeing him. I wish he'd taken a different approach to this, and trusted me a bit more to get things done on time."
- "I wish my parents had included me more when making decisions, or at least explained their choices. It seems like they decide something without me, then that's it and there's no more discussion. I'd also appreciate it if my parents could apologise to me in the same way I’m expected to apologise to my them - I'm not the only one that makes mistakes, they do too but just don't admit them or say sorry for them."
- "I'm the youngest and my brother has delayed development and a few other problems. My parents had to be really strict with him, but decided they needed to treat both of us exactly the same and had the same rules for both of us. I thought this was unfair when I was little, but now I'm a teenager I don't see any logic for it at all. He has different needs than I do and we should've been treated differently. My mum especially is totally inflexible. She's really strict compared to my friends' parents and really old-fashioned about boys. I know this comes from some bad stuff that happened to her growing up but again, my experience isn't hers and she shouldn't put those things on me and should know this."
- "My parents are perfectionist. They want perfection but that made them encourage us not to go after what we want in life in case we fail. I'm old enough now to see that and it seems totally mad. Mum also worries so much me and my sister feel it too. She never wants us to be late or get detentions. We can manage those things on our own, it's the bigger things we need help with, like proper job and life guidance."
For more on teens, parenting them is said to be as difficult as raising a baby, although reflective parenting could help if you're struggling. For teens looking for more independence, there are ways to let them take positive risks, according to an expert.
