‘We are trying for a baby, but how do we navigate becoming parents if we struggle with monogamy?’

‘Say you open up the relationship. Are you confident he’d still be available to you in the ways you’d need from your co-parent?’ Painting: The Lovers Date by William Powell Frith, 1855. Photograph: William Powell Frith British/Alamy

My partner has recently come to me in significant emotional distress with a reinvigorated want to open our relationship as he feels he needs more “love”. We are actively trying for a child after a few years of infertility and this new [wish] is not doing anything for the stability of our relationship. How do we navigate becoming parents if we struggle with monogamy?

Eleanor says: One of the weird things about 21st century love is the way we select partners first for dating and sexual attraction, and then segue those relationships into partnerships of parenting and household. These are very different kinds of relationships to have with another person. The things we look for in a romantic or sexual partner often aren’t the things we look for in a co-parent.