Parenting no longer starts and stops with our children. Nor is it confined to those who have children. In a time of unrelenting change and ever-extending life, most of us will – at some stage – find ourselves “parenting” our own parents.
Indeed, many of us – particularly those who had families later – will find ourselves simultaneously parenting our kids and our parents. In one breath we’ll be begging our children to swap French fries for vegetables, and in the next breath we’ll be urging our parents to exchange cake for sardines. Little wonder today’s midlifers are known as the sandwich generation.
The relentless pace of technology – accelerated by the Covid-19 pandemic – has made everything infinitely more complicated, leaving many older (and not-so-old) people baffled and frustrated. In the last few years I’ve witnessed friends and family dashing to help parents with poorly designed online banking systems, unruly fridge alarms, “upgraded” software that has changed beyond recognition, apps and phones that don’t function as expected, and numerous other technical challenges.
Frankly, technology is often baffling to me, too. Luckily I have kids who delight in parenting me – advising, explaining and guiding me on all things digital. But studies suggest that this helpfulness might not be as beneficial as we think. Grappling with new and baffling things forces the ageing brain to work in novel ways. A recent study from the University of Texas involving more than 200 elderly adults found that those who engaged with technology had better cognition and memory than their non-engaging peers.
Even the stress we experience while battling with our computer can be helpful, sharpening our mental acuity. The study authors concluded that digital engagement – whatever the device – protects the brain. These findings reflect earlier studies that discovered that older people who made active use of technology were less likely to get dementia.
Dr Eamon Laird, researcher in health and ageing at Limerick university, agrees that we should be encouraging older parents to try new things. And the further out of their comfort zone they feel, the better. “It’s always good to keep the mind active and fresh,” he told me. “New challenges can help build and maintain new brain connections and can be good for brain and overall health.”
If older people use technology to keep in touch with extended family and friends, that’s a double whammy. When my 84-year-old mother recently joined Instagram, she not only expanded her grey matter but she also found an effective means of staying in touch with her grandchildren. Being social, says Laird, is as important as trying new things: “Research shows that those who are more social are also more resilient to chronic conditions and often have a stronger immune system.”
Depression among the elderly is on the rise and often goes unnoticed. Gerontologists now believe that it is one of the most common psychiatric disorders among the elderly – with half of all cases going undiagnosed. When elderly parents become depressed (many of them come from a generation not accustomed to talking about their mental health), it can be difficult to know how to respond. But Laird’s latest report suggests that a daily walk could help. His study of more than 4,000 older adults found that as little as 20 minutes of daily walking could cut the risk of depression by up to 43%. “Anyone with older parents should be urging them out for a walk five days a week – and when they have a companion, the walk also doubles as a social occasion,” he explained. “If they can walk for longer than 20 minutes, even better. Our study showed that the risk of depression fell in proportion to the time spent walking.”
As well as a daily walk, Laird recommends vitamin D and B12 supplements – both of which appear to moderate the chance of depression in older people. “Depression matters,” he added. “Not just because it reduces quality of life, but because in older people there seems to be a link between depression and dementia which we’re still unpacking.”
Health coach Susan Saunders found herself “parenting” her mother (who had dementia) while her own daughters were babies. “I’d advise anyone with a parent in the early stages of dementia to investigate all the available research trials. Start by joining Dementia Research, a nationwide register that matches volunteers to research programmes.”
Even if your parents don’t require such intensive “parenting”, a simple supplement could help. A recent study from Columbia University involving 2,200 adults aged 60 and over found that an inexpensive multivitamin formulated specifically for older people improved cognition, memory and focus. In fact, the results were so marked that the researchers said the supplement could slow age-related memory decline by three years.
But while most of us can probably persuade our parents to take a multivitamin, suggesting they change their diet might be more complicated. Appetites fade as we age, chewing becomes more difficult and those living alone don’t always feel inclined to cook. The important thing, say both Saunders and Laird, is that older people consume plenty of protein.
“Older adults should be taking at least 1 to 1.5g of protein per kilogram of body weight,” says Laird. “Dairy, fish or non-processed meat can help maintain muscle strength and function, reducing the risk of frailty as we age.”
In truth, anyone over 50 would do well to follow these simple guidelines: engage with something new every day, take a daily walk of at least 20 minutes, socialise regularly, take a daily multivitamin for seniors and check the protein content of our meals. Perhaps we should think of it as self-parenting.
Good groups for elders
Age UK has a database of social activities and groups for older folk
The Walking Football Association keeps keen amateur footballers playing long into their 50s and 60s
Action for Elders offers social and exercise programmes
The Centre for Ageing Better provides information on working and living as an older person
u3a, a charity collective, provides local opportunities for people no longer in work to acquire new skills and knowledge
Annabel Streets is the co-author of The Age-Well Project: Easy Ways to a Longer, Healthier, Happier Life (Piatkus) and co-founder of The Age-Well Project
