Trevor Noah
It’s midterm primary season, also known as “the elections before the elections that determine what’s going to happen in the elections before the main election,” said Trevor Noah on Wednesday’s Daily Show. And so far, the results have been mostly a boon for Donald Trump.
This Trump-backed candidate’s concession speech is 𝘵𝘰𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 normal pic.twitter.com/UidDOgcJFi
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) June 16, 2022
In South Carolina, Representative Tom Rice, one of the few Republican congress members to vote to impeach Trump for the 6 January attack on the Capitol, lost after Trump campaigned hard against him. “That’s the weird thing about Trump – he might not remember how to speak English, but he’ll never forget anyone who’s done him wrong,” Noah noted.
In Nevada, an election denier won the Republican nomination for secretary of state, the office that certifies elections. “While that’s not great for democracy, it is fantastic news for Donald Trump,” Noah explained. “If this guy gets the job, that’s like having your boy as your parole officer.”
Another South Carolina incumbent, Representative Nancy Mace, who refused to join Trump loyalists in discrediting the 2020 election, survived a challenge from a Trump-backed candidate. Her opponent, Katie Arrington, conceded her race by apologizing to Trump: “Sir, I’m sorry I couldn’t give you the birthday present that I wanted to give to you, but you will always be my No 45, my No 46.”
“I don’t know why anyone would think Trump supporters are a cult,” Noah said sarcastically. “It’s just a normal woman apologizing to Trump for losing her election on his birthday. It’s not a cult! This is a very normal thing. ‘Please forgive me, dear leader’ – normal, so normal.”
Stephen Colbert
The third installment of the January 6 committee’s public hearings was postponed on Wednesday, Stephen Colbert said on the Late Show. Meanwhile “some of the folks being featured in the videos of these hearings are not happy about all the publicity,” such as the Proud Boys leader Joseph Biggs, who faces up to 20 years in prison for seditious conspiracy. “By the time he gets out, this Proud Boy is going to be a proud member of the AARP,” Colbert quipped.
Biggs has requested to move the date of his trial because of “the increased and unquestionable spectacular 24/7 negative press and media coverage about the fraternity known as the Proud Boys”.
“Oh that’s right, I forgot, the Proud Boys is just a fraternity. January 6 was just hazing,” Colbert deadpanned.
An attorney for Biggs argued that he could not get a fair trial because of the televised hearings and media coverage “from Morning Joe to Stephen Colbert’s Late Show”.
“You know, ladies and gentlemen, I do a lot of jokes about these violent fascists, but to hear that even one of them noticed?” Colbert said, feigning emotion. “I feel so seen! You hate me, you really hate me.”
Biggs’s attorney also asked for the trial to be moved to a different location because Colbert’s show and others “continue to saturate the jury pool of media-obsessive Washington DC”
“They want to move the trial to some place where the Proud Boys have a better reputation, like 1930s Berlin,” joked Colbert.
Seth Meyers
And on Late Night, Seth Meyers called BS on Rudy Giuliani’s claim that he wasn’t drunk on election night, as former Trump staff have testified to the House committee.
On Monday morning, Giuliani tweeted: “I am disgusted and outraged at the out right lie by Jason Miller and Bill Steppien [sic]. I was upset that they were not prepared for the massive cheating (as well as other lawyers around the President) I REFUSED all alcohol that evening. My favorite drink..Diet Pepsi.”
“Sorry, buddy, you just gave yourself away,” Meyers responded. “No one’s favorite drink is Diet Pepsi. Is your favorite cookie Lorna Doones? Diet Pepsi is what you drink on a flight when they don’t have Diet Coke or lemonade or chocolate milk or coconut water or camel spit or regular Pepsi.
“What do you mean you refused all alcohol that evening?” Meyers added. “Like people were trying to get you to drink, but you said no? Feels like you’re being a little too defensive. You sound like me coming home at 2am in high school – ‘no Mom, I’m sober as a judge!’
“I doubt anyone was trying to get Rudy drunk,” Meyers continued, “but I can definitely see Trump aides on election night trying to over-serve him just so he passes out.”
Meyers also dunked on Giuliani for calling the committee hearings an “embarrassment” in a recent podcast episode.
“You really want to call anyone else an embarrassment? Is that really the word you want to use?” Meyers said. “There was an entire nationally televised congressional hearing this week about you being a sloppy drunk. You used to be on magazine covers as ‘America’s Mayor’ and now you’re most famous for screaming outside a landscaping company like a guy who’s trying to return a used bag of mulch.”
