Come on, let us be honest. I like other Geordies fancied Newcastle to rise from their Villa bed of nails and said so repeatedly in the match build-up but never expected this. Not in a month of glorious Sundays!
This was supposed to be a shoot-out for Champions League millions between the fourth and fifth best teams in the Premier League. This was supposed to be record goal plunderer Harry Kane coming to the home of the greatest goalscorer in PL history Alan Shearer where a statue now rightly stands within SJP boundaries to lay down his intentions.
Kane is chasing Shearer's PL stand-out total of 260 goals and arrived boasting the threat of an impressive raiding record showing eight goals from eight league appearances at the cathedral on the hill.
READ MORE: Jacob Murphy explains priceless reaction to Newcastle goal in Tottenham win
Yes, he inevitably scored and as early as the 49th minute _ but incredibly Spurs were already 5-0 down. I mean, pinch me. I'm dreaming. The world has become a wonderful place again where the sun shines all the time, the grass is greener, and every warrior in black and white walks 10 foot tall.
My mind was transported back to other days of warmth and reassurance 27 years ago when Spurs similarly came up here and were slaughtered 7-1. It was November of 1996, Shearer was in his pomp, and so were Kevin Keegan's Entertainers.
Yet they started slowly in comparison. Only 2-0 up at half-time. The modern United came out of the traps like Usain Bolt... 1-0 in the first minute, 2-0 in the sixth, 3-0 after nine minutes, 4-0 at 19 minutes, and 5-0 by 21 minutes.
Blink and you missed a goal. Two for Jacob Murphy (yes, true), two for Alexander Isak (obviously) and a cracker for our powerhouse Joelinton.
Naturally the heavy artillery grab the headlines but buried amongst the welter of goals was the assist of the season... a delightfully arched through ball struck over distance with the outside of his boot by Joe Willock for Isak's first.
A shell-shocked Spurs changed their tactical formation through a substitution during the first half and their goalkeeper at half-time. Skipper and World Cup winner Hugo Lloris replaced by Geordie and ex-Magpie Fraser Forster. Was Lloris injured? Well, he was suffering from a broken heart!
It made little difference. Forster was beaten by Callum Wilson one minute after the No.9 came on. It was almost do what you want when you want.
Eddie Howe had the audacity to take off Murphy and Isak, both on hat-tricks, with half an hour left to claim the match ball and still be rewarded by a sixth goal from one of his subs.
The '96 team boasted two-goal Shearer, two-goal Les Ferdinand, two-goal Rob Lee, and one-goal Phillipe Albert. The 2023 version can call upon Isak and Bruno, Big Joe and Little Joe, Trippier et al.
Spurs? They were a shambolic disgrace but we care not because Newcastle were magnificent. Let the good times roll...and they are!
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- Jamie Carragher unsurprised by 'brilliant' Newcastle but slams 'disgraceful' Tottenham
- Newcastle United 6-1 Tottenham: Magpies run riot and close in on Champions League
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