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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
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Stewart Lee

Time may be up for the Tories, but their legacy of lies will live on

Illustration by David Foldvari of a trebuchet holding the Tory election strategy.
Illustration by David Foldvari. Illustration: David Foldvari/The Observer

“It’s the lying I can’t stand.” That’s the close of the affair cliche isn’t it? We can forgive so much – incompetence, petulance, flatulence – but in the end dishonesty derails things. I suppose that’s why the nation’s 14-year abusive relationship with the Conservative party is finally finished. That’s all folks, bar an argument about who gets Natalie Elphicke, the political equivalent of a smelly pet dog with dangly yellowing genitals and incontinence that the most compassionate partner will, ultimately, come to regret taking.

Yes. It’s the lying we can’t stand. Some of Rishi Sunak’s faults are excusable. It is understandable that he would not consider the sacrifice of the soldiers of D-day especially significant when his own parents had so nobly sacrificed his family’s Sky TV subscription to pay his Winchester College school fees. But it was on Tuesday of the week before last that, unforgivably, lying Sunak vomited out his instantly discredited lie about Labour’s £2,000 tax plans, live in an ITV debate against the lightning-reflexed Keir Starmer. Luckily Starmer shut Sunak’s false claims down with all the speed of an arthritic slug lurching towards a distant cabbage (though to compare lying Sunak to a vegetable at this stage in the Conservatives’ election campaign is perhaps to exaggerate his gifts as a communicator and electoral asset and is, moreover, unfair to cabbages).

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